Fug File: Unfug It Up

Unfug or Fab: Jessica Chastain in Carl Kapp


ALERT. A redhead has been spotted in green. Would that were enough for my stamp of approval.

Jessica Chastain national board of review 2016

That bodice, though, is pure indecision. One half wants to be Grecian and draped and romantic, and the other is like, “Nah, you go ahead, I’m going to stay here and proof the Church newsletter one more time.” If we lopped off that demi-sleeve, it might be enough. Because LOOK AT HER HEAD.

it’s stupendous

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Unfug or Fab: Helen Mirren in Alberta Ferretti


Only the skirt here is actually Alberta Ferretti:

helen mirren palm springs international film festival

And while I LOVE the color, I don’t think it’s being used to its most elegant advantage (wrinkles notwithstanding). I approve of the vixenish manicure and stunning earrings, although I’m not sure I’d have paired hot-pink lippy with a blood-red manicure. Still, she’s Helen Mirren, so she’s making that part work. The purse is too random a shade of sky blue to feel relevant here, though, and let’s be honest: the top comes off like she just bought it at Talbots and couldn’t believe her luck that it was a color match.

A crisp white button-down, Sharon Stone-style, could’ve taken this where I believe she intended to go with it. And further: Should that skirt be LONGER? Meaning, should it drag with a bit of a train, rather than just parking itself on the red carpet and tenting a little? Nip and tuck this whole thing in the comments. I think Fug Nation can fix it.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Unfug or Fab: Karlie Kloss in Rosie Assoulin


I think it’s possible I am just not generally responsive to Rosie Assoulin. I know a LOT of people are really into her, especially when she plays with volume, but I feel like nine times out of ten I’m either on the fence or just fully out on her designs.

This one is a fence-dweller:

karlie kloss l'oreal paris

Conceptually it’s interesting, but not necessarily also attractive. The cutout on her shoulder makes her look like she’s bulging right there. And the flower on her legs might’ve been cuter or more impactful if it were revealing a bright backing color, like hot pink or turquoise, rather than just her legs. Her knee poking through there is really distracting. Not that there is anything wrong with her knee — I’m sure it’s very friendly — but it gives the impression of peeking through prison bars, which isn’t the vibe people generally associate with the red carpet unless said carpet is at a prison talent show.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fab: Anna Paquin in Monique Lhuillier


This is one of a few dresses that felt very Discount de la Renta to me.

anna paquin the good dinosaur

I like the lively colors, I like a floral, and I’m glad she stuck a bright shoe with it. But there’s something keeping me from loving it. Is it too long in the back? Is it that the black bodice is too low in the front? Is it that this has been a very long week and I am fresh out of enthusiasm? Is it that I am thinking about what pies to make next week, and how badly I want to eat my biscuit stuffing and maybe I should just make a test batch real fast? Could be any of those things. So let me know: Is this great as-is, or is it a few paces from fantastic?

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Reese Witherspoon in Giambattista Valli


Pain Hand is calming down, the Norco is kicking in, the saga is ending — except for the one-handed typing (witness the new wrappings). I can turn calmer attention to Reese’s Laura Ashley back brace.

reese witherspoon baby2baby

I enjoy that she branched out again, at least. And the cummerbund is actually quite chipper. My beef might be that three things is too many — that although the top does at least relate to the middle, it’s still the neapolitan ice cream of frocks, where only two of those tastes really seem to go together at the same time.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Reese Witherspoon in Erdem at the Glamour Women of the Year Awards


Let’s start with what’s really important: Reese gave an ace speech at this event about ambition, and how it’s often treated as a dirty word in relation to women who strive to achieve — as if it’s this unruly, unholy trait in us, but admirable in men. She also spoke really eloquently about how movies with female heroes — “not the wife of the lead, or the girlfriend of the lead, but THE LEAD” — are bankable and worthwhile, and “not just a public service project.” It was great. It was a treat to be at an event like this without being on the clock to cover it, so we could just let it wash over us, and enjoy a supportive and earnest environment. For as much as sarcasm and snark are my day job, I also love earnestness. I think those two things can coexist despite being in opposition to each other, and don’t even necessarily have to conflict. You can trade in both, and they each make the other stronger. Critical thinking is vital, but so is the ability to give the world a hug.

Of course, I recognize that it’s weird to turn around from that and discuss people’s outfits, but hey. Clothes are just a thing you change the next day. They aren’t a person’s humanity, and so I can continue to have fun with them while also respecting what makes the person essentially them. I like what makes Reese Reese, and that won’t change even if wears a catsuit made of tampons. But before we saw her come up on stage, Jess and I briefly wondered if Reese would be in something black and strapless, because it felt like she’d kept things relatively simple of late. We were surprised, then:

reese witherspoon

I like the fabric on the dress, but I almost wish it was JUST that fabric, without the lace panel, which is neither as lovely nor as interesting. I AM at least thrilled she went with something lively, and not the least bit stuffy — which was perfect for the speech, which was addressed in large part to the local NYC youths in the rafters who were excited guests, and a great target audience for a lot of the Girl Power messaging.

So, yeah, I wish I liked this better, but I do appreciate her for stepping off the path and giving this a shot. As much as we jokingly tear out our hair over certain fashion choices, we also hope no one ever listens to us, because a) it’s more fun that way and we all love dramatic stuff to dissect; b) we don’t need to run anyone’s lives but our own; and c) it’s not individuality if everyone is conforming to one idea of what’s great. So, at the risk of being mushy… everyone just keep doing you, and yeah, sure, that might make us think WHAT ARE YOU DOIIIING sometimes, but who cares? It’s all fun, it’s just us and who the hell are we anyway, and there’s always a clean slate tomorrow.

And since I’ve had wine and I’m in a goobery mood, go hug your lady loved ones — mother, sisters, female friends, girlfriends, wives, daughters, aunts, grandmothers — and tell them they’re your heroes. In fact, if you want to share any stories about the women in your life who make your world go around, do it. Let’s spread the love. And the wine. But mostly the love.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

 

 

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Fugton Abbey: Michelle Dockery in Ralph & Russo


When I saw this from the back, I thought, “Well, hell. Am I about to sign off on a jumpsuit?”

michelle dockery harpers bazaar women of the year

It’s a sexy back; the jewelry with it is creative and plays nicely with that feature; the fit doesn’t seem to be abusing her rump the way so many jumpsuits do, even to the genetically blessed. I was preparing myself.

I needn’t have worried:

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