Fug Factor: Cheryl Cole in Ralph & Russo


I really love this line, and I want more people to wear it, because some of what’s come down the runway has been stunning and so far it’s been in limited deployment.

Cheryl Cole in Ralph & Russo (2)

And so of course, Cheryl here has popped up in a really disappointing one that is not so much harshing my buzz as sanding it down to a bloody nub. That velvet chunk is incredibly awkward there, like it and ONLY it was properly fertilized and seeded.

Oh, and if you think you caught a whiff of something transparent in the skirt…

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Recent Fugs and Fabs of LeAnn Rimes


I said to Jessica, “If we have to run an omnibus of Miranda Kerr AND of LeAnn Rimes on the same DAY, then it’s officially Lean Times.” And here we are.

[Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News, Getty]

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Letter of Truth: I Hate Math


Hey y’all!

So, it’s been like kajillion years since we talked and do you know why that is? It’s because I never leave the house anymore and when I do, I look just like any old normal lady person who’s going out to the Home Depot and then to California Pizza Kitchen for half a BBQ Chicken Chopped Salad, just like any other normal lady person who sometimes trips over her giant wedges and then has to be helped into the Costco and so now she’s not wearing them for a little while because her doctor said something-something arthroscopic something.

See?

THIS IS THE PERSON I WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE Y’ALL. Pleather catsuits are exhausting. Oh right also I’m never out anymore because I guess I have that show in Vegas and it’s keeping me busy but what’s ACTUALLY keeping me busy in Vegas are three things: the slots, and also they have a Serendipity there now and I’m really busy trying to find it (I only know it’s there because I saw it on an episode of Food Network Star and also there was an ad in the LAS VEGAS MAGAZINE that’s in my dressing room).

You know who else hasn’t left the house lately? JESSICA BIEL I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.

But anyway the whole reason I popped up today is because according to “sources” (the photographers who were with me today) some lady just walked up to me and GAVE ME THIS NICE RUG and I thought you should know that you’re still living in a world where strangers give former teen superstars really nice rugs just out of the goodness of their hearts. Not everything is as terrible as you think it is. Also, I wanted you to see that I look cute with this short haircut and actually I ALSO look better in sunglasses.

Maybe I’ll talk to you later. Am I on X-Files again this season? I kind of hope not. None of those people could sing and Demi Moore kept dipping the end of her extensions in my Diet Coke.

BYE!

Britney!

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Mostly Well-Played Omnibus: Miranda Kerr


It’s OFFICIALLY the Summer Doldrums for those of us in the Celeb-Watching Business. For example, just last week one of our photo services had paparazzi snaps of Kim Jong Un. Yeah, I…don’t even know. Thank God models are still walking out of their apartments looking well-styled, or who knows what we’d have to talk about and that would be very sad indeed. While I’m basically neutral on Miranda Kerr (#NODISRESPECTTOMIRANDAKERR, I’m just not someone who gets THAT into models), I had to admit, most of these are pretty hard to find fault with.

[Photos: AKM/GSI, Fame/Flynet]

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Well Played Cover: Lupita Nyong’o on Elle France


well-played

Well, look, if the idea is to get people to buy a magazine because it makes them happy…

Lupita Nyong'o on Elle France, August 2014

… then this ought to make a fortune in newsstand sales.

Also, I keep misreading the first E in Elle as an F, and so the ete with it tricks me into thinking it says Fete, as in, she’s going to teach me how to throw the most jovial and glamorous fete in all of Fetekind, and frankly, I would be in for that too.

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Fugs and Fabs: The Downton Abbey TCA Day


Listen, I like Branson a lot (and am putting him first for a change just so the Downton men get a little love). But he  needs to stop repeating the same dalliances with interchangeable, snooty-about-his-new-status lasses — and perhaps start getting into it illicitly with people I actually LIKE, and/or Mary. But at least he has more charisma than poor Tony Gillingham. Which I keep saying, in my head, as “Terry Gilliam,” which… THAT would be an unexpected turn.

[Photos: Getty]

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