Fug File: Awards & Galas

ESPYs Fugs and Fabs: The Ladies


I didn’t realize I had chosen such an unflattering photo of Jessica Alba until I had already downloaded it, which… oh well. Suffice to say that she did NOT look like she was buckling under extreme bladder pressure except in this exact second, and in fact played this ensemble well.

[Photos: Getty]

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ESPYs Fugs and Fabs: The Dudes


I have decided not to include Drake in this slideshow because the telecast ITSELF spent what felt like 45 percent of its airtime on his comedy bits, and all of them were 75 percent too long, and that math equals NO SOUP FOR YOU, Drake. Instead, let’s all discuss why Jesse Williams dresses his delicious hotness in catastrophic hellpants.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: Everyone Else at the BET Awards


Some of these women look lovely and one of them BROKE ME.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: The Dudes at the BET Awards


Lionel Richie was there, testing my willpower not to make a “HELLO” joke.

[Photos: Getty]

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: So Very Many Other People


This. Has. Everything: Aisha Tyler, someone from Knots Landing, thigh purses, and that thing where people look forty even though they aren’t even 25 yet.

[Photos: Pacific Coast News, Getty]

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Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Arianne Zucker


Oh, sweet child, please stop undervaluing the contributions your FACE can make to the world:

There is no need to audition for Miss Cosmic Boob Fireworks Twinkle Nightie 2014. Your soap is still on the air.

[Photo: Getty]

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