Fug File: Billboard Music Awards

Fugs and Fabs: Everyone Else at the Billboard Music Awards

Famous last words, you guys, but I think the Era of the Sheers may be coming to a close. I can see barely ANYONE’s undies.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]


Reasonably Played: Madonna at the Billboard Music Awards

Madonna being chosen to pay tribute to Prince stirred some controversy, with a lot of stuff about whether Prince would approve, but I tend to agree with Questlove that just to sing his work is brave enough — and that it’s not necessarily helpful wandering down the road of imagining what Prince would or wouldn’t get. Besides which, is it really so off-base? Madonna was Prince’s contemporary. When Prince died, in the wake of also losing David Bowie, people Tweeted stuff like, “SOMEBODY CHECK ON MADONNA.” And they weren’t entirely kidding. Prince was a groundbreaking musician, and so was/is Madonna — I mean, she paved the way for the female artists of today, and the ways they can express themselves and their sexuality. I highly doubt Prince would have resented those parallels. Seeing Madonna up there singing it adequately but not lights-out was also sort of poignant, in that it reminds you how fragile all our old musical heroes inevitably become.

And in the end, this worked for me better than Lady Gaga’s Bowie tribute. That one was less like, “Look how great David Bowie was,” than it was, “Look how great I am, doing all these Bowie songs.” By contrast, this was a purple-hued, heavy-on-imagery, light-on-spectacle performance of two iconic Prince songs, with Prince himself providing the intro via the “Dearly Beloved” piece of “Let’s Go Crazy.” It kept him the star, which is as it should be.

[Photos: Getty]


Fugs and Fabs: Ciara Hosts the Billboard Music Awards

I swear, I think the same thing about Ciara every single time she goes anywhere: “Beautiful, but naked.” And there is something to be said for flaunting it while you’ve got it — wasn’t it Nora Ephron who said she wished she wore a bikini every single day she was 32? — but doesn’t that get boring? At least you can’t say she didn’t mix it up as host of the Billboard Awards last night. For one thing, at least one outfit had long sleeves.

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]


Unfug It Up: Meghan Trainor in Michael Costello at the Billboard Music Awards

I spent all of Sunday outside, at my kids’ school’s spring fair, so I can’t look at this without wanting to pass out from sunstroke.

Meghan Trainor

But aside from how seasonally intense this dress is, I think it’s way, way too much for her. It’s swallowing her whole, and worse, it’s SO dominating that it overshadows what are some truly saucy shoes. At the very least I would like to make this knee-length. And maybe sleeveless? Or just reconceive the top altogether so that she looks less like she’s about to ride into battle, sword aloft, in an ad for Game of War.

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Fug or Fab: Demi Lovato in Chanel at the Billboard Music Awards

I appreciate what Demi was going for, and in fact, I’m not ENTIRELY mad at it. We’re just squabbling a little bit over how easily the flashed turned it into a game of peekaboob.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty]


Fug or Fab: Ariana Grande in Versace at the Billboard Music Awards

I don’t say this often about Donatella’s artsier creations, but I really like this.

Ariana Grande in Versace

I remember it being among the best of the bunch on the catwalk. And it’s a smart pick for Ariana, who is SO youthful-looking that she unintentionally — just by her genes — nudges dresses really quickly into the “twee” category. This one won’t be pushed around so easily; it’s standing its ground, grown-up but not stuffy, revealing but not naked. Excellent sartorial matchmaking, Team Grande. Now, is the ponytail ever coming up for negotiation?

[Photo: Getty]


Letter of Truth: The Billboard Music Awards

Hey y’all,

I hardly ever get to write you a Letter of Truth anymore. It’s been so long that there are probably people who are alive who don’t know that I am a person who used to do things like have dance-offs and wear matching outfits with Justin Timberlake and stalk Justin Timberlake and kiss Justin Timberlake and write actual letters that I, the real Britney Spears, would post to my actual for-real website and they would be called LETTER[s] OF TRUTH and, obviously, they would have truths in them. Readers, I went through so much over the past baker’s dozens of numbers of years that this particular website right here that you are reading right now has been alive or whatever it is that websites are. I had babies and shaved my head and had a husband for three days and then married this OTHER person that we all thought was terrible but he actually turned out to be okay even though he’s missing now or something (I don’t know where he is). I had weird men try to date me and then I dated men who might have been normal but who cares because I broke up with them. I did bad things to my knees that meant that when I danced I mostly just stood still and waved my arms around, and then I got a job in Vegas and gained a secret mentor in the form of one Miss Celine Dion. Readers, Celine Dion would come to me at night and float over the top of my bed and hit herself real real hard in the chest and sing about her inner organs, and this is a thing that I am pretty sure happened for real and not just because I ate too much Alberto’s Beef Jerky before I went to bed. And because Celine is an inspirational human who sings much better than I do BUT CANNOT DANCE AT ALL — don’t tell her I said that — I was inspired to come back to the world and do things like walk on red carpets while people yell at me and take my pictures, and also to accept awards. Because it turns out that people like me and also I’m still extremely awesome and my knee feels better and I haven’t done anything like open a restaurant for children named after a dessert that grandmas make. I am Britney and you will love me forever and you will not care what I wear, but the truth is that I also decided to wear some really crazy shit this weekend because I don’t actually leave the house that often so why not make it interesting, right?

I love y’all. Come look at all my outfits!

[Photos: Getty, Fame/Flynet]