Fug File: WTF

Fug, Fines, and WTF: Various Kardashian/Jenner Offspring


I don’t know how Kim has not figured out that tight skirts with horizontal patterns across her hips do NOT do for her what she thinks they do.

Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Teen Choice Awards

But I mean, apart from looking like something you could buy on The Sims for your bangin’ bachelor pad, Kim actually is not the problem here. Nor is Kylie. No, it’s Kendall who needs a Get-a-Grip Friend to tell her she looks like she’s wearing rotting linens. Beyond that, though, the whole outfit feels like something Angie Harmon would wear, but with actual finished pant legs, and Angie Harmon — whom I love, conceptually — IS IN HER FORTIES. Kendall is eighteen. It’s cool to want to grow up to be Angie Harmon — I will feel that way until I die, I suspect — but not when you still have like THIRTY YEARS to get there.

However. Kendall did not have the worst sartorial weekend of the lot.

that honor goes to Kourtney

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WTF: LaLa Anthony


I was feeling speechless about this “gown,” air quotes fully operational.

LaLa Anthony

But then an ad for El Pollo Loco came on, with the slogan, “Crazy you can TASTE!” And my job was done for me.

[Photo: Getty]

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What the Fug: Chloe Grace Moretz


Okay, this was going to be about her outfit, but then I read a rumor that Chloe G.M. might be dating Brooklyn Beckham. And for starters, MY EYES, I can’t believe Posh’s child is old enough to DATE; also, I love that, and the only thing making me sad is that Chloe is not Taylor Swift, and thus we won’t get any angsty teen breakup anthems called, say, “Whatever (I Was Way More Into Your Dad Anyway).”

However, I do think Posh would have SOME NOTES about this outfit:

Chloe Grace Moretz Making An Appearance On 'Jimmy Kimmel Live!'

One such note would be, “STOP RIGHT NOW, thank you very much,” and then we’d get, “Who do you think you are?” followed by, “Now don’t go wasting my precious time; get your act together, we could be just fine.” And then, upon final sighting of the hideous plaid water-wings passing as sleeves, she would shriek, “Zig-a-zig ARRRRRRGH.” I’d like to be there. But I’ll understand if she doesn’t think to call me first.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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What the Fug: Katie Holmes in Michael Kors


Let’s experience this together as I did: First, with a shot of Katie that was in close-up.

Katie Holmes in Michael Kors

I thought to myself, “Well, one-shoulder, but whatever, maybe it has potential. I like her makeup.  I wish she was dating someone that would get Us Weekly to stop writing about Kendra Wilkinson. Let’s fix her up. Is Chris Evans still potentially dating Sandra Bullock? I don’t want to get in the way of that. What’s Henry Cavill up to, aside from putting on Superman tights and probably getting poker tips from Ben Affleck? I’ll have to think about this.”

And then I got on with it and found a full-length shot:

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WTF: Katy Perry in Pepperoni


Dammit, Perry.

Katy Perry Pizza Onesie (1)

Now I’m hungry.

[Photo: Splash]

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What The Fug: Kim Kardashian


I’ve decided Kim Kardashian and Kanye are going to take the cultish furor around their coupling and turn it into an actual cult.

It will involve members building her a pedestal out of their own donated money, while she stands atop it, robes flowing, shouting, “Kanye has, like, the best taste.” When we need punishing, she will rip out a chunk of what they built and spend it on high-necked, skin-tight maxi-dresses from Balmain with more embroidery than your grandmother’s living room, or jumpsuits that make her look squat. And the first commandment will be, “Like, no corset should hold that which was given to you, because like, right?” Sometimes Kanye will come over and ask how he’s influenced anybody today, and he will send forty tweets for each person who can’t answer. It’s going to be great.

[Photo: AKM-GSI}

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