Fug File: WTF

What the Fug: Cobie Smulders in Alessandra Rich

The green shoes are cool…

"Jack Reacher: Never Go Back" New Orleans Fan Screening

… but I think actual pillowcases are longer than this, which looks more like the costume for a figure skater’s potentially culturally insensitive short program. If Jack Reacher is vowing to never go back, so too should she.

The J. Mendel she sported at the subsequent event is much better:

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Fugs and Fabs: Wacky Patterns at the Kenzo x H&M Event

The backdrop is the clothes’ worst enemy here. That is, when the clothes aren’t the clothes’ worst enemy.

[Photos: Getty]


What the Fug: Rowan Blanchard in Preen

Rowan here — chiefly known as Corey and Topanga’s daughter on the Boy Meets World sequel, Girl Meets World — was at a dinner celebrating Preen, so I’m sure the expectation was that she would wear Preen.

Rowan Blanchard

But she appears to have mistaken the word “Preen” for “Artsy Exploding Spleen.” Or “Hung Over Disney Princess Fever Dream.” Or “Mattress Pad Has-Been.” Or “Hipster Vintage Store Crackpot Halloween.” Or “Ruched Fashion Gangrene.” Or “Hang On I Just Time-Traveled To The Old West And Got In A Saloon Fight And Then My Skirt Was Caught In The Delorean Door and Ripped and Whoops I Left Some Of It Drifting In The Space-Time Continuum So I Guess I Should Go Back For It And Make Sure It Doesn’t Land Somewhere Inconvenient Upstream.”

And, scene.

[Photo: Getty]


What the Fug: Khloe Kardashian

The Kardashians and Jenners have been laying so low that I think Khloe’s aim here was, effectively, to leap out of the bushes and jolt us back into constant vigilance – as if to ay, “Don’t get too comfortable. We will ALWAYS BE NEAR.”

Khloe and Kris

Not that Khloe should be an arbiter of comfort, given that nothing about her outfit suggests an understanding of the concept. About the only thing here I would want to wear is Kris’s koat, lipstick, and maybe her shirt if I really needed a plain black top. Honestly, Khloe, would it kill you to go against the Kardashian grain? WOULD IT? If I were Nordstrom, launching a new line of jeans, I’d be pretty bummed out that Khloe appears to have picked a pair that prevents her from standing up straight. I’d also be hacked off that she refused to put on a real shirt, although… honestly, if you hire a Kardashian to host something for you, I suppose you both know what you’re getting and WANT the guaranteed publicity associated with Khloe looking rained-on and as if she wandered out from her sex yurt to investigate a suspicious noise. Oh well. I guess you can’t spell “Nordstrom” without “No.”

[Photo: Getty]


What the Fug: Jessica Biel

If Kristen Stewart had just emerged from a Kleenex box…

Jessica Biel

… then Jessica Biel, hair still caked in sweat, has recently clawed her way out of your grandfather’s favorite old leather chair — you know, the one that has seen every episode of One Life To Live, sat for forty years in a wood-paneled room with a shag carpet, and which you left on the curb and nobody would take because it smelled too much like Aspercreme and cigars. She looks like the pimento inside the olive. Indeed, her bronzer shade might be CALLED “pimento.” Girl, you missed a spot. It’s called “the entire underside of your right arm.”

[Photo: Getty]



Fine and then WTF: Nicki Minaj at Tidal X

This REALLY feels like Nicki thought a coat would hide that she’s wearing an American Apparel pajama romper.

TIDAL X: 1015 - Arrivals

But at least it’s safe for work. You will, in fact, long for this outfit in a minute. When you click the jump, you will suddenly think of this outfit as a warm mug of hot chocolate on a snowy winter’s eve, for the next is a cold bucket of nails:

I don’t think i’m overselling it?