Fug File: WTF

What the Fug: Paula Patton


Flip open the dictionary to “coy” and this photo will stare back at you.

Paula Patton

It just makes me laugh. Like she’s thinking, “Tee hee, what you don’t know is that I made this bodice out of pantyhose and a giant princess-themed hand mirror!” Except we do know, Paula. We do. We see.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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What the Fug: Maya Rudolph


Okay, first: How desperate is NBC to have a variety series? Maya Rudolph tried one; it flopped. Neil Patrick Harris did it, and it was painful. And now Maya and Martin Short have one in the hopper. I like both of them, so I hope it pans out, but…

Maya Rudolph

… my optimism is about as robust as this jumpsuit is attractive. She’s essentially dressed as a glass of milk. And I don’t even think people who LIKE milk ever actually get psyched about it.

[Photo: Getty]

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What the Fug: Constance Jablonski


Well.

Constance Jablonski

The curtain’s up. Are we waiting for tiny actors to perform a musical between her feet? If Lin-Manuel Miranda has invented Tiny Hamilton, he is an even mightier genius than previously thought. I can’t wait to see the likes of Mr. Miniranda, Lesslie Odom, Renee Elise Goldsbaby, Phililliputian Soo, Okierietoy Onadowee, and of course, Daveed Biggs. Because he can never be anything but supersize.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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What the Fug: Various Kardashians


After Jessica declared The Waning of the Sheers yesterday, Kim went to a Vogue thing in London wearing another of her classics. So I’m leading with Kourtney, because I don’t want the awfulness of this garment to get lost in her sister’s misdeeds.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]

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What the Fug: Gwen Stefani at the Billboard Music Awards


This all looks very Arthurian to me.

Gwen Stefani

Like, the King of Country — or an aspiring one, anyway — is just hanging out, minding his own beeswax, when suddenly the Lady of the Lake slithers over to him and proffers an all-powerful tool which he can use to conquer the world. The tool here being her celebrity, and the world being the Internet and every magazine, up to and including all the ones that believe she is pregnant with his miracle baby.

And what is up with her makeup?

2016 Billboard Music Awards - Show

Like, where is Gwen Stefani’s essence of Gwen Stefani? Why has she turned herself into an anonymous piece of tinsel draped on Blake’s suit? You are a strong and successful female artist, Gwen, besides which you are SUPER FAMOUS and — if you want to get competitive about it — you were here first. Make HIM be YOUR tinsel.

[Photos: Getty]

 

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Cannes WTF: Chanel Iman at the amfAR Gala


Whoops. Looks like Eve fell for another one of Adam’s practical jokes while she was wandering through Eden looking for snacks.

[Photos> Getty, Fame/Flynet]

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Cannes Fugs and Fabs: More of Kristen Stewart in Chanel


Kristen seemed to be in a playful mood at this one, so I’ve decided she’s doing that subtle-but-not-subtle middle finger thing at one of the photographers.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]

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