Fug File: WTF

What the Fug: January Jones

I would criticize this for the visible bra…

january jones zimmermann

… but the thing is, the bra is the only part I like.

[Photo: Getty]


WTF (and yet Business As Usual): Jennifer Lopez in Bao Tranchi


jennifer lopez birthday celebration

“I have a plan, lovers. Shh. Hear me out. My talent show is ending next year and so I am going to go revitalize another big show: Lots of Kardashians or whatever. I will go in like a Category Lopez Hurricane and I will blow that Krispy person right out of there and take over the family and upgrade it, just like I did on the Idol thingIt makes sense, lovers. I do Kim better than Kim does Kim, I can show Kylie how to do Kim better than she is doing Kim. And I have proof it is meant to be. What proof is that, beautiful thigh hero of mine, you ask? Look: ‘Jennifer’ equals ‘if’ plus ‘Jenner.’ MATH DOES NOT LIE. I’M COMING, FAMILY.”

[Photo: Getty]


Fugs and Whats: The ‘Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No’ Premiere

Confession: I never watched Sharknado 2, so I’m obviously unable to watch this because I simply won’t be able to follow along. [I recapped the first one, FYI.] theHowever, this screening looked like a total late ’90s hoot, given that all manner of random people are in it — and yet, all my favorites from the cast list on IMDb were no-shows. No Steve Sanders, no Tara Reid, no Bo Derek (!!!WHAT!!!), no Malcolm In The Middle, no Mark Cuban (he plays the PRESIDENT, in what must also be a winking nod to his participation in Shark Tank), no Penn Jillette. NADA. Kendra Wilkinson would come to the opening of an eye if it meant a mention in Us Weekly, and even SHE isn’t there. Chris Kirkpatrick ALSO said “Bye Bye Bye.” (ZING.) Thank God plenty of other people had nothing to do tonight or else this Sharknado would be a Sharkdrizzle. (DOUBLE ZING. I’ll show myself out.)

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


WTFs and Fab: The Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation Gala

So, last night there was a gala in St. Tropez for the Leonardo DiCaprio foundation, and it was a pizza buffet. Most of the pictures aren’t available to us — boring blogger specifics; pour some out for this loss, though, because I would’ve dearly loved to show you a see-through Versace on Naomi Campbell, and Kate Hudson’s semi-sheer Versace-esque Julien Macdonald. Notably, the frequent Queen of Pizza, Chrissy Teigen — who even posted a photo the next morning of herself in front of a huge array of ACTUAL pizzas – went with something more full-coverage (the fact of which mildly pings the Uterine Secret radar, but not entirely, because it’s not like she spends her whole life in Sheers. It just felt like an event that would’ve played right into her hands that way), as did Marion Cotillard in a floral Erdem sheath. And, say hello to Leo’s Revenant beard. It is robust still.

ANYHOO, we do have photos of the worst offenders — Jessica Stam and Michelle Rodriguez — arriving alongside a classed-up Nina Dobrev, plus a few shots from celeb Instagrams to shed more light. On their nethers.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


The X-Fugtor: Rita Ora in Jean Paul Gaultier

Rita is wearing all this for the X-Factor auditions, for which she is presumably seated behind a giant desk, as is the format on all Simon Cowell shows.

Rita Ora x-factor

Regardless, we are at Crack Level: High. But it’s possible that it looks even CRAZIER when all you can see is the top half. Maybe that’s how she accepts or rejects people: swivels to the All Business side for a yes, and if it’s a no, she rotates to Worst Thing You Ever Saw On Sale At Express.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


What The Fug: Heather Graham

Obviously the truly hideous outfits will always make our eyeballs vibrate with all the inaudible screams coming from their component parts. But every so often, when I notice a garment that is so hideous, so misguided, so roundly deplorable, and so gut-stabbingly fugly that it recalls the very foundation of this website, all I can do is step back and clap with glee.

This beastly canker is one such outfit:

heather graham comic-con 2015

Where to start? The snagged and vomitous cobwebbing draped all over her body? The visible bra? The fencing on her right leg? Any of the many other blips? Perhaps you’d like to see the side view:

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