This year, the draft moved to Detroit. After a long time doing it in New York City annually, the NFL has been moving it through different football cities, which I think is GREAT for fans — one of the few times the NFL puts them first! — but which I think has decreased player attendance, because it isn’t a sexy weekend in Manhattan. (I also think many of them would rather risk getting passed up when they’re in their own living rooms, although they still have full camera crews so it’s not like you’re in privacy.) And this year, almost all of them wore black, so we didn’t even get the ZANINESS that we’ve come to expect.
Center Joe Alt at No. 5 to the Chargers (go Irish!) was the first light swerve of the evening, but the commentators weren’t flabbergasted until Atlanta took Washington QB Michael Penix Jr. with the 8th pick. The Falcons just got veteran Kirk Cousins from Minnesota, and maybe they think he’ll do the whole Nurturing Veteran thing for Penix. Or, maybe he’ll ride the pine: Penix is mad talented. The only reason this shocked anyone is Ye Olde Durabilitye Concerns, though Penix addressed that interestingly in an open letter to NFL teams. Apparently it worked!
Unfortunately for us all, the quarterback nobody thought would go in Round One — and he did not, and that’s appropriate, but it means he therefore was never going to make the trip — is my own beloved 35-year-old 24-year-old, Sam Hartman. And if you don’t know what I mean by that description, you will if you look at this:
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Side note: Our coach is so handsome. Anyway, Sam, on the right, played for an eternity at Wake Forest (Covid-disrupted) and then transferred to Notre Dame for his final year to flesh out his skill set, in the hopes of having an NFL career. And the ND football Instagram account spent all season being SO horny for him:
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And let’s not forget the stirring still photos. I mean, COME ON. The heat is real. (Apparently it also disproportionately annoyed the Wake Forest coach, who was basically like, “SHUT UP, WE LOVED HIM FIRST.”) Then the NFL got in on that action at the combine. Sorry to hijack this post to be about Sam, but… I’m not sorry because these are important cultural discussions. I’m so sad we didn’t get to see Sammy in a baller suit, but hopefully I’ll get him in some more tight pants next year, and with a team I actually like. AHEM, Pittsburgh Steelers.
Now look at these fine gentlemen who just became very wealthy! I wish them well unless they play for my rivals! In which case I wish them stubbed toes and fumble fingers!
