Fug File: Fug or Fab
Generally, I think these midriff-y outfits work better if the top looks as little like a bra as possible. So that’s one strike against this.
The dueling bands — orange and black — seem so samey as to be fighting with each other a bit, and I like her better as a brunette, but that’s a digression I suppose. Basically, for me, the lively and insane pattern goes a LONG way toward making me consider voting “fab” on something that I might ordinarily question. It reminds me of those old screen-savers on the first color Macs. This one would be the habitat for Fish, obviously, which only means someone should make a Flying Toasters dress. I’m looking at YOU, Rodarte.
I was thinking, “So many people wore Dolce & Gabbana to this premiere!!” and then I actually read the step and repeat, which says “Dolce & Gabbana,” right there! Now what we’ve established Jessica Can’t Read, let’s talk about Joan:
In a non-clothing-related comment, ever since one of you pointed out the ankle-pop stance she always takes in photos, it’s all I can see. She pops that foot out there the way Paris Hilton arches her back. It’s totally her red carpet tic. ANYWAY. In other news, I am conflicted:
- I love a metallic the way other people love their children.
- I enjoy this IN THEORY.
- It might have needed to be a v-neck? I feel like Joan would have shown a bit more clav — like cleavage, but with clavicle. I can understand Hendricks not wanting to look like Joan all the time. But here’s the thing: Joan always looks AMAZING. I have pale hands, so I just stuck my pinky finger onto this photo to give the illusion of a lower neck, and I think that might have made this a slam dunk.
- On the other hand, half the time Christina wears a turtleneck, so this may have been a fight won by a tired stylist somewhere, in the long run, unbeknownst to us.
- But I think the proportions are a bit off. She’s experiencing a very minor case of Does This Outfit Make My Head Look Too Small?
- I think that skirt has real potential. IT’S SHINY.
- I’m going to STEAL THE EARRINGS and run away with them. Never you mind that one of my ear holes has closed up and I’m going to have to re-pierce it, old-school, with a ice-cube and a piece of potato, to wear them. THEY WILL BE MINE.
- I have no idea what this adds up to, in terms of overall success. I’m off to jab a pushpin through my ear. Talk amongst yourselves.
[Photo: Courtesy of Dolce & Gabbana]
[Photos: Splash, Getty]