Fug File: Fug or Fab
Generally, I think these midriff-y outfits work better if the top looks as little like a bra as possible. So that’s one strike against this.
The dueling bands — orange and black — seem so samey as to be fighting with each other a bit, and I like her better as a brunette, but that’s a digression I suppose. Basically, for me, the lively and insane pattern goes a LONG way toward making me consider voting “fab” on something that I might ordinarily question. It reminds me of those old screen-savers on the first color Macs. This one would be the habitat for Fish, obviously, which only means someone should make a Flying Toasters dress. I’m looking at YOU, Rodarte.
I was thinking, “So many people wore Dolce & Gabbana to this premiere!!” and then I actually read the step and repeat, which says “Dolce & Gabbana,” right there! Now what we’ve established Jessica Can’t Read, let’s talk about Joan:
In a non-clothing-related comment, ever since one of you pointed out the ankle-pop stance she always takes in photos, it’s all I can see. She pops that foot out there the way Paris Hilton arches her back. It’s totally her red carpet tic. ANYWAY. In other news, I am conflicted:
- I love a metallic the way other people love their children.
- I enjoy this IN THEORY.
- It might have needed to be a v-neck? I feel like Joan would have shown a bit more clav — like cleavage, but with clavicle. I can understand Hendricks not wanting to look like Joan all the time. But here’s the thing: Joan always looks AMAZING. I have pale hands, so I just stuck my pinky finger onto this photo to give the illusion of a lower neck, and I think that might have made this a slam dunk.
- On the other hand, half the time Christina wears a turtleneck, so this may have been a fight won by a tired stylist somewhere, in the long run, unbeknownst to us.
- But I think the proportions are a bit off. She’s experiencing a very minor case of Does This Outfit Make My Head Look Too Small?
- I think that skirt has real potential. IT’S SHINY.
- I’m going to STEAL THE EARRINGS and run away with them. Never you mind that one of my ear holes has closed up and I’m going to have to re-pierce it, old-school, with a ice-cube and a piece of potato, to wear them. THEY WILL BE MINE.
- I have no idea what this adds up to, in terms of overall success. I’m off to jab a pushpin through my ear. Talk amongst yourselves.
[Photo: Courtesy of Dolce & Gabbana]
[Photos: Splash, Getty]
I WANT to like this on her, but Red Carpet Fashion Awards pointed out that Maggie Gyllenhaal wore it last year, and now all I can think is, “that dress is SO Maggie Gyllenhaal.”
In other words, it’s kind of Droopy Directional PTA President and — no offense to the many directional PTA presidents reading this, droopy or otherwise; I think you seriously should raise the prices at the pizza fundraiser in September, and those rabble-rousers who complain about it but never show up to actually help can shove it – while that is kind of Maggie G’s thing (along with, apparently having gone to anger management; sorry if I ever ticked you off, Mags), Cameron Diaz’s, it is not. I like that she’s trying looks on this press tour that are less leggy than the ones she did when she was promoting Whatever That Terrible Movie With Leslie Mann and Kate Upton Was Called, but there’s got to be some acreage between Droopsville and Leg City.
Guess I talked myself out of this one. What’s your take?