Fug File: Fug Madness

Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Madonna Bracket, Part One


As a refresher: Half of each of the four brackets plays today, and the rest of Round one tips off tomorrow (Friday), so to speak. The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

 

Jump to: No. 3 Jessie J vs No. 14 Willa Holland · No. 6 Heidi Klum vs. No. 11 Keira Knightley · No. 7 Kendall Jenner vs. No. 10 Gwen Stefani
 

2. CHLOE GRACE MORETZ vs. 15. LI BINGBING

Sometimes, once we get to writing these, I groan to myself, “Oh, we seeded that person in totally the wrong spot.” Case in point: Li Bingbing, who would have missed this altogether were it not for her Transformers press tour wardrobe. But WHAT A WARDROBE IT WAS:

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It’s A ROMPER AND SHEER PANTS. No, not even pants. LEG BAGS.

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And of course this terrifying window, above which a wintry orgy is happening on her pelvis.

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And for good measure, she dressed up as Big Bird’s most dangerous temptress. She also wore this incredibly ugly Giambattista Valli, in a rare departure from sheers, although there is a tiny sternum keyhole. So, while she didn’t hit a ton of visible (to us) promotional circuits, she picked outfits for maximum shriek-inducement for the premieres we did see.

Don’t hand her the win just yet, though. On the other side of the battle: Chloe Grace Moretz, who was ALL OVER TOWN this past year, and did it in a variety of outfits that were creatively hideous. It’s really easy to look awful in all of the above, and it’s equally easy to FIND that stuff because it’s ALL OVER THE PLACE on every runway. But I don’t know how Chloe even thought to LOOK for this shiny nightmare:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Charo Bracket, Part One


As a refresher: Half of each of the four brackets plays today, and the rest of Round one tips off tomorrow (Friday), so to speak. The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

 

Jump to: No. 4 Iggy Azalea vs No. 13 Malin Akerman · No. 5 Ellie Goulding vs. No. 12 Irina Shayk · No. 8 Christina Hendricks vs. No. 9 Kerry Washington
 

1. RITA ORA vs. 16. JOHNNY DEPP

Like Kim Kardashian, her fellow one-seed, Rita’s archives are a VERITABLE TREASURE TROVE of delights. I mean, for every amazing look like this one, there are seven totally cracked out get-ups like this one. Or this! This is lunacy! What even IS that? On the topic of, “what even IS that?” I present this fiasco. I also would like to point out that it is in this exact entry where we note that Rita might be Kim’s biggest competition this year, which I think is accurate. And to that point, she even wore something that Kim ALSO wore, in the form of THIS:

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That’s one hell of a Who Wore It Best. Frankly, I’d like to see Kim up the ante and wear this on her next outing:

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Can you imagine? Kim Kardashian shuffling down the street in shower shoes? I worry this might cause irreparable harm to Kanye’s frontal lobe.

Rita’s Walking Around Wear is actually generally entertaining, and by “entertaining,” I obviously mean “crazy.” High-heeled gladiator sandals and one of Maude’s old tunic vests are NOT a pairing I would have ever anticipated:

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Bjork Bracket, Part One


As a refresher: Half of each of the four brackets plays today, and the rest of Round one tips off tomorrow (Friday), so to speak. The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

Jump to: No. 2 Miley Cyrus vs No. 15 Jared Leto · No. 3 Charli XCX vs. No. 14 Selena Gomez · No. 7 Katy Perry vs. No. 10 Julianne Moore
 

6. ZENDAYA vs. 11. MELISSA GEORGE

If you’d wanted to start slow, well… not happening. Or hattening, as the case may be:

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One of my favorite parts of Fug Madness is rediscovering all the stuff that got bleached out of my brain during the course of the year, and this was tops among them. The noise I made was something approaching a shriek. I half expect her to raise a trap door on that thing and reveal Rick Moranis’s face in there.

So, that’s one extreme of Zendaya. Here the other:

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Given that she wore this to the AMAs, the disco-ness of it is at least somewhat on theme, and she’s carrying it off with as much panache as any teenager could. Having said that: It’s still gold-dipped BANANAS.

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I am so glad that Zendaya appears to have put away the bandeau tops in 2015. Her interest in experimenting is great, and laudable, and she has enough personal charisma to sell almost anything. But boob spandex is one road she doesn’t need to traverse, and hopefully she won’t again.

I guess “at least her chest is covered” is the one piece of connective tissue between her and Melissa George.

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Fug Madness 2015, Round One: Cher Bracket, Part One


As a refresher: Half of each of the four brackets plays today, and the rest of Round one tips off tomorrow (Friday), so to speak. The photos and links in each matchup post are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. If you need a primer on how all this works, peruse the FAQ; if you forgot your bracket, click here. And, most importantly, have fun!

 

Jump to: No. 4 Willow Shields vs. No. 13 Kate Walsh · No. 5 Bella Thorne vs. No. 12 Katharine McPhee · No. 8 Beyonce vs No. 9 Jena Malone
 

1. KIM KARDASHIAN vs. 16. LENA DUNHAM

Oh, god, you guys. Kim Kardashian BROUGHT it this year. Her entire archive is just a TIDAL WAVE OF CRAZY. It just keeps getting nuttier and nuttier. Like, there was that time she and North wore matching lace pants. Or the time she went out in a robe. Or the time she just upholstered herself in Balmain for weeks on end. Or that time she wore...this thing that I can’t totally describe in words. Or this! What is this?! It’s like a formal fishing net over her most boring bathing suit!

And we can’t forget the time she wore a condom:

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Or the time she showed up as a pair of curtains from a pivotal scene in Wolf Hall:

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Or THIS HIDEOUS ASSAULT ON ALL THAT’S TRUE AND RIGHT:

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Fug Madness 2015 Play-In Game 3: The Battle of the Models


We realized we didn’t have room for all of these oft-similarly sartorially mistaken models, and that we probably didn’t have enough mental or emotional room for more than one of them in the contest. Ergo, they’re going head-to-head to determine who gets to sit at the grown-up table. Think of it as a primary before the Fug Madness general election, where the winner gets to face off against Ellie Goulding.

Once you’ve thought deeply about this very important choice — and, if you so desire, taken a look at their archives — don’t forget to vote.

(Speaking of archives, Anne V’s is here. Irina Shayk’s is here. Alessandra Ambrosio’s is here. And, finally, Karolina Kurkova’s is here.)

Whose fug reigns supreme?

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Fug Madness 2015 Play-In Game 2: Johnny Depp vs. Brad Pitt


Or, as we’re calling this in-house, “The Battle of the Two Guys Who Are Fighting The Hot.”  Let this remind you, Misters Depp and Pitt, that fighting the hot does NO ONE any good. Allow your hotness to roam free amongst us! It’s for the greater good.

The winner gets Rita Ora. In a matchup, not in body, although I suppose she could also mail herself over there. And don’t forget: The photos in these posts are not the only ones in consideration, but instead, the entire past year from post-Oscars 2014 to Feb 28 of this year. You can always do further research into Brad Pitt’s archives, and Johnny Depp’s archives, to make your most informed decision. And when you are ready to vote….

Whose fug reigns supreme?

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[Photos: Getty]

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