Did you miss Round One? Do you still need a bracket? Those links will help you catch up. And now onward…


Jump to: (4) Kate Beckinsale vs. (5) Evangeline Lilly


Lindsey Vonn is a ski champ of historic excellence, but I fear a Fug Madness crown may continue to elude her. Rita Ora’s archive from this eligibility period takes up THREE PAGES, plus one or two spots on the fourth, and some of those entries are slideshows devoted to multiple outfits. Usually we have to repeat a few pictures with each new battle, but here, I can and will make her case using ENTIRELY different photos than the ones Jessica featured in Round One, and there will STILL be a ton left over that you haven’t seen yet.

Of course, none of that is a guarantee of victory. That’s why they play the games, as they say. Any given Sunday (or Tuesday) the Patriots could lose, Zion Williamson’s sneaker could fall apart on his body within the opening 30 seconds of a game — yep, that happened — and Rita Ora could lose to Lindsey Vonn. Repeats or no. So let’s tip off this mother. Lindsey, hit me with your best shot. Or any shot.

Vanity Fair Best Dressed List Party, Spring Summer 2019, New York Fashion Week, USA - 12 Sep 2018

Okay. Could be worse, but definitely not great.

Laureus World Sports Awards, Monte Carlo, Monaco - 18 Feb 2019

YEP. WORSE. And actually, there’s a pretty idea here, totally destroyed by the addiction to sheers. This is one case where subtraction does NOT add. Just LINE IT.

The 53rd Academy of Country Music Awards Arrivals

This is cheerful, at least, but it’s also totally overwhelming — and has a stain on the front. I kept assuming it was a spot on my screen and then I realized that I’ve been working on different computers and they can’t BOTH have a spot there, and oh yeah, it moves when I scroll, so… yeah. A lot went wrong here.

In an effort to show you something else new, here’s this:

HBO Emmy Party 2018 - Arrivals

That’s another dress that has some potential, but the skirt just looks less stylish than “there’s a chunk missing,” and her makeup and bronzer is too aggressive.

2018 NHL Awards Red Carpet

And that is some Kendall Jenner level commitment to thighs. I love that she shows off how hard she works, though. Strength is sexy. But strength does not have to be orange, and it doesn’t necessarily have to demand a date with your waxer, either.

At the Oscars, she wore what Jessica just termed a sad spitball dress to the Vanity Fair party, and THIS to the Elton John bash:

27th Annual Elton John Aids Foundation Academy Awards Viewing Party

I honestly don’t know which of those is more disappointing. Let’s get Lindsey Vonn some better designer access, y’all. She’s got Christian Siriano in her corner, although that hasn’t borne fruit the way I would have hoped. I ended up liking her in this fun sparkly jumpsuit — I just think it needed looser styling, like big wavy ’70s hair — so there’s GOT to be hope for elevating her wardrobe toward that and away from stuff like this:

Time 100 Gala, Arrivals, New York, USA - 24 Apr 2018

Okay, Lindsey. Thank you. Go cool down, stretch a little, and see whether Rita Ora lands her jumps. (Yes, okay, I’m mixing my winter sports. It is Fug MADNESS, after all.)

I shall open with the similarity that both women had weird stains on the front of dresses. And while Lindsey Vonn frequently made the papers, Rita Ora wore them. It was obviously very tempting to show you this curlicue sheer tomfoolery again, but I don’t HAVE to, because it was not the only sheer tomfoolery she pulled:

Rita Ora Wears Sheer Mesh Dress As She Attends GQ Awards After Party


Jessica showed her in a very short, very puffy floofy white outfit; in place of that (although of course it’s all still under consideration, because we vote on ALL the fuggery and not just what photos we use) I can illustrate with some sheer floofery:

Rita Ora out in London

She wore that to a charity function.

She also wore a red feather ball, the short white tent with giant black bow that Jess used in Round One, and a short black Marc Jacobs tent with a giant PINK bow.

Jessica showed you the black feathery semi-sheer nightmare from the Vanity Fair Oscar party, but Rita also wore something oddly and extremely similar just a day or two before:

12th Annual Women In Film Oscar Nominee Party

There was also a minidress I referred to in my notes as GIANT FEATHER CHEST EXPLOSION. It is UNREAL. As was her makeup here:

Rita Ora enjoys a night out with Louis Vuitton artistic director Virgil Abloh and her sister Elena Ora

All that denim is also absurd, but strangely, that might not be the worst thing she did with that fabric this year. That honor might go to her being the only non-J.Lo person (that I know of) to wear the jeans-boots:

Rita Ora out and about, New York City, USA - 20 Aug 2018

Oh, RITA. And girl, what are you even doing here?

VH1 Trailblazer Honors, Arrivals, Wilshire Ebell Theatre, Los Angeles, USA - 20 Feb 2019

This event was held at the same venue where I got married. Obviously we were dressed identically.

Rita Ora in Black Structured Dress

And I realized that we saw the main portion of that later, when Kendall Jenner wore it with massive pants to a big fashion party. It’s Vera Wang, which is VEXING (yet no longer surprising), and I guess that bodice must be like plug-and-play fashion, because Rita and Kendall each went with different sleeves and different bottoms, and managed to create two truly terrible different outfits.

Capital FM Summertime Ball

That’s Prada and it is worth NADA.

Rita Ora Leaving Notting Hill Arts Club

I yelped aloud when I rediscovered that. Her archive is seriously a goddamn treasure trove. You want a Versace tweed hoodie with no pants? You’ve got it. Some of the worst of Ralph & Russo? Bingo. A shirt-cape? Yes indeed. Shoes that look like some sort of elaborate high-fashion traction? Sure thing. Head to toe neon leopard print? ABSOLUTELY.

Or how about… one of whatever this is?

Westfield London's 10th birthday celebrations, London, UK - 30 Oct 2018

I’m weirdly proud of her. It’s such a bad assemblage and I haven’t even LINKED TO EVERYTHING. Bless her for earning that high seed every single time. But is it enough to dunk on Lindsey? The poll awaits.

Archives: Rita Ora, Lindsey Vonn

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Rita Ora (88%, 4,049 Votes)
  • Lindsey Vonn (12%, 540 Votes)

Total Voters: 4,589

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You guys YOU GUUUUYS look what I found:

Embed from Getty Images

This wasn’t in ANY of our sources. It’s from TIFF, and they were all at TIFF, so WHAT GIVES? How could you deny us Kate’s sheer elbow tutu?

Luckily, in the end, although it was slow to arrive, we were NOT denied what she wore to present — and accept, for an absentee Alex Ovechkin — a major ESPY award:

2018 ESPY Awards - Show, Los Angeles, USA - 18 Jul 2018

I guess we need to add Kate to the list of celebs who seem really worried that we are going to forget about them. She’s certainly making that as hard as possible, from wearing an ENORMOUS statement train to the Vanity Fair Oscar party (an event where most people try to DITCH their giant skirts), to this jumbled mess:

Tea Party After Dark event, New York, USA - 12 Sep 2018

This does not know what it wants to be, and so consequently, it’s a whole lot of muddled nothing.

Elle Women in Hollywood, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 15 Oct 2018

That’s OKAY but I’m distracted by whether it’s pinching her chest as much as it appears.

Porter's 3rd Annual Incredible Women Gala, Los Angeles, USA - 09 Oct 2018

Sheer really seems to have been the theme of her year, honestly. With all of the above, we also have this:

Giambattista Valli show, Front Row, Spring Summer 2019, Haute Couture Fashion Week, Paris, France - 21 Jan 2019

What you can’t see as well in our pic, but you can on Getty, is that the sides of the skirt are sheer.

You will have NO trouble finding the transparencies here:

InStyle Warner Bros Golden Globe After Party

And here, of course, it’s not about the fabric opacity as much as it is the placement of the fabric itself. As in, it’s all OFF her body:

GQ Men of the Year Awards

Kate, Kate, Kate. KATE. She’s like the anti-Middleton.

Evangeline Lilly doesn’t come out much, as Jess noted, which is why it’s so noteworthy that her Ant Man and the Wasp press junkets are almost solely responsible for her seeding. Okay, that and some Marvel events, but you feel me. One family of films (and one family film); one raft of fuggery.

'Jimmy Kimmel Live' TV show, Los Angeles, USA - 20 Jun 2018

And one see-through jumpsuit.

'Avengers: Infinity War' film premiere, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 23 Apr 2018

And of course some see-through pants, because why NOT.

These are the opposite of see-through, which is a refreshing change:

'Ant Man and The Wasp' film photocall, London, UK - 17 Jul 2018

But it is a scrolldown of epic proportions, thanks to cuffs of epic proportions.

GO Campaign Gala, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 20 Oct 2018

She also busted out some shiny green formal cargo pants, which I don’t think ENTIRELY worked on her either? Maybe trousers just aren’t her strong suit.

Photocall for 'Ant-Man and the Wasp'

Neither are belts, I guess. Ditto — occasionally — her hairstyling and makeup team, which really whiffed this one.

And of course dresses don’t always go smoothly either. Take this one:

Film Premiere Ant Man And The Wasp

It’s a slick idea, and I like the waistband, but the chest darts are just woeful and the stitching in the back comes off as too aggressive also. It’s a misfire for me that had POTENTIAL to be really great, although I may be in the minority on that one.

I do NOT think I am alone in disliking this, though:

'Ant-man and the Wasp' promotional event, Taipei, Taiwan - 12 Jun 2018

I guess every Renaissance Faire needs a cocktail waitress.

Archives: Kate Beckinsale, Evangeline Lilly

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Kate Beckinsale (78%, 3,531 Votes)
  • Evangeline Lilly (22%, 1,024 Votes)

Total Voters: 4,555

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