Can Anyone Stop the Hadids?

Do you want to jump straight to Emily Ratajkowski vs Bebe Rexha?

(11) JANINA GAVANKAR . (3) THE SISTERS HADID

I truly believe that Janina has made it this far fully on the strength (or weakness?) of THIS:

Those hose are so perplexing! They’re like what the girls wear at Hooters! This was at Good Morning America! I just need to know the thought process here!

This was also not great:

Nor was this:

And this, dear friends, is PANTS:

But Janina is an 11 seed and she is up against a perhaps immovable force in the format of the Sisters Hadid, whose performance in the Pantsular Catsuit Arena was spectacular. This is…unforgettable:

That is not technically even clothing, to my mind? It’s….underpinnings, and it’s also too much information. Ditto this, on the Too Much Information tip:

I think this is just a body-stocking and I hope you never need to pee in it, because it would be IMPOSSIBLE! There is a masters thesis somewhere waiting to be written about how f’ed up it is that female celebrities, with regularity, don clothing that makes it impossible for them to perform basic biological functions, as if they are not human creatures at all.

This DOES feel alien, though:

And THIS also feels like what someone would wear if she landed on earth from an alien planet and couldn’t QUITE figure out what shorts were:

There are also, of course, shirts that don’t totally fulfill the dictionary definition:

There was also this eye-searing experience:

And THIS nightmare:

Honestly, the Hadids’ archive is vast and wide; this is Gigi’s, and this is Bella’s. I invite you to examine them. The question remains: Does Janina have enough to take them down?

(7) EMILY RATAJKOWSKI v. (2) BEBE REXHA

Amusingly, Bebe Rexha wore a piece that looks very similar to one that we just saw!

Jeremy Scott must be so proud. Emily should ALSO be proud, because she sported one of my least favorite outfits of the entire year:

I cannot even put that in a Compliment Sandwich. I HATE it; it’s like she realized in the middle of putting on her turtleneck that, WHOOPS!!!! No one can see her abs in it!! I mean, I get her — her abs are amazing — but give me a break.

In fact, almost all of Emily’s looks this year that I disliked involved Aggressive Flashing of Ye Olde Abbbs:

Abs.

Abs.

Abs.

Abs.

YES, they’re FANTASTIC. Congratulations!!!!! Maybe think about a work-out video? (Or whatever people release now. An app? Yes, an app.)

Oh, wait, there was also this, which was perhaps off-topic, but also not great:

Bebe Rexha, on the other hand, demonstrated a real depth of commitment to wearing EVERYTHING, so much so that I know at least one of you suffers from Bebe Rexha Face Blindness. Like this is very Alexis Carrington Colby Attends a Charity Gala:

This, on the other hand, is a bathrobe:

This is ALSO a bathrobe, albeit a more formal one:

This is….not quite a bathrobe, but more like one of those robes boxers wear for their big matches. So, I guess…a robe-robe:

But this is a fancy loincloth!

And this is an exploration of the essence of The Sleeve:

This appears to be a Kim Kardashian costume:

This is just, um, a pile of tinsel with a belt?

And this is HILARIOUS:

In case you need more intel — and more intel is out there! — here are Emily’s archives, and here are Bebe’s.