Fug File: Unfug It Up

Teen Choice Awards Unfug It up: Chloe Grace Moretz in Gucci

I really want to like this:


I like the idea of it, I like the snake, I like that she looks like this her actual personal style, like it’s something she might have actually picked out herself (which she didn’t, or at least not by herself; her brother’s Instagram gives all appropriate credits for hair and makeup and styling), which is an effect that is really difficult to nail.  I think this outfit is definitely cooler than half of the looks that people haul out for Teen Choice Awards (in the, er, Fonzie sense, rather than the temperature sense), and God knows it’s wonderful to see something unusual. I just feel like if I were her older sister — or, let’s get real, her mom — I might walk into her dressing room and tilt my head and say, “does it a belt? Or…something?” But can you name that something? I’m not sure I can, which makes me officially no help at all.

[Photo: Getty]


Unfug It Up: Greta Gerwig

Okay. What I am about to type may stun you. But I don’t think the problem here is the top. I actually like this top. It’s quirky –  like a bridesmaid dress gone rogue — but I think it’s sort of fun and if Emma Watson were wearing it, you know we’d all be into it. In fact, on the whole, I give this a passing grade, despite the notes I’m about to unfurl:

"Mistress America" - Photocall

My problem here are the pants. Don’t they need to be really skinny cigarette pants? With an unobtrusive hem, so as not to distract from all that action upstairs? Aren’t these pants over-complicating things? Don’t these pants just need to relax?

[Photo: Getty]


Unfug or Fab: Beyonce in Dolce & Gabbana

Not to be outdone by Sarah Jessica Parker on Cosmo, we have Beyonce — in, as a matter of fact, old-school Carrie Bradshaw hair –strutting around New York City in front of UPS trucks with a blooming garden of cleav:


Y’all know my feelings on the whole white coat/cream shoes/cream accessories thing (and if not: I veto it because it always makes things look dingy, like an ad for why you should bleach your socks). And the dress looks like the top shrank. It’s all a little wrong. Slightly off. Disjointed. weirdly, for some reason it’s all giving me a Mariah vibe – and she’s not exactly someone who’s known for her forward-thinking style. If Bey had gone up a size, spiced up the accessories, and maybe just done a ponytail or a bun, it might be more polished. As it is, I am not — wait for it — crazy in love.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


CFDAs Unfug It Up: Victoria Beckham

The thing is, she actually looks fine. Maybe even great.

victoria beckham CFDA Awards 2015

And I think it’s great that Victoria Beckham has carved a space for herself as a savvy and gifted businesswoman, and I will always remember what a great impression I got of her when she did those tiny salon-style fashion shows and narrated the entire thing. But I’m jonesing for a makeover. A poshover. A becksover. Let’s bob the hair again, maybe — angular and cool — or change up the eye makeup so it’s not always exactly the same heavy eye with brown shadows and dark liner and nude lips. Let’s throw in some color. Let’s, for kicks, stand with the other side of the face exposed to the lenses. (Even in her 73 Questions video for Vogue ages ago, she tried to be filmed only from this angle whenever possible.) In short, while this is perfectly fine for a night at which she is representing herself as a businesswoman first and other things second and Posh Spice distantly last, I’m ready for her to shake it up aesthetically. What would you do with her? Hint: Imagine that you are Tyra Banks and she is a Top Model contestant, and then do the opposite.

[Photo: Getty]


CFDA Unfug It Up: January Jones

I don’t even know why I’m being nice about this. Maybe because I really miss Mad Men and I like her on Instagram? I don’t even know. This has issues. I KNOW IT HAS ISSUES:

2015 CFDA Fashion Awards - Inside Arrivals

But it’s also kind of Samantha Jones Goes To Some Awful Studio 54 Theme Party And Secretly Really Pulls It Off While Carrie Attempts A Tube Top And Strangles a Metaphor in a way that makes me feel nostalgic and sort of thirsty for a cosmo, even though I can’t drink them ever since That One Birthday Where I Had Three in Two Hours. (In my defense, the problem with the cosmo is that it’s served in such an easy-spill container! You slurp up enough cosmo so that you don’t slosh it on your shoes and then the next thing you know IT’S GONE and then shortly thereafter you might barf.)  So, yes, maybe I’m mentally drunk and therefore more positively disposed to everything but I swear if the crotch on the pants weren’t totally insane we might be into this. Maybe? What do you think?

[Photo: Getty]


Unfug It Up: January Jones

I like the pattern on this, which I am calling Electric Feather.

january jones fox upfront

But the way it’s draped and cut… I’m calling it Frump & Fold. Don’t let it happen to you.

[Photo: Getty]


Unfug or Fab: Kiernan Shipka

Obviously, this child is made of magic dust.

kiernan shipka nylon young hollywood party

But sometimes it takes more than a supernatural sprinkle, and I’ll be honest, this outfit looks more like someone’s interior-design inspiration board than an actual cohesive garment. For ME, a single spaghetti strap, a napkin, some confetti, a corset that maybe used to be a sofa, and a stripy skirt mainly add up to taking two Advil and going back to bed. I don’t blame her for trying, but this science might be more advanced than even Cate Blanchett could crack. What would you do to streamline this into something worthy of our beloved Sally Draper? Or would you leave it because, like Bridget Jones, you love it just as it is?

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[Photo: Getty]