Fug File: Unfug It Up

Unfug It Up: Maria Sharapova


We need to discuss this: Apparently, Maria Sharapova has filed for a two-week quickie name change, so that for the duration of the U.S. Open, she can go by Maria Sugarpova. Because that is the name of her year-old candy line, and she wants to turn her tennis career into a particularly grasping marketing ploy. THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING IN THE WORLD.  [ed note: Her agent said they decided not to do this, and my suspicion is that it's because the plan was greeted with total incredulity from all sides; I will keep the rest of the post intact]  It means anytime she does anything on the court — like, say, wins a game — the chair umpire would be required to say, “Game Miss Sugarpova,” or, “Miss Sugarpova is challenging the call,” or, “Miss Sugarpova is not going to be playing in the U.S. Open for long if this is what she’s thinking about prior to the tournament starting.” Not that the chair ump can editorialize. Pity.

As for her dress… look,the skirt is interesting. The top might be interesting, if you couldn’t see right through it. Whatever camisole or lining or flesh-toned nonsense is under there, it’s bunching. It’s not good. Couldn’t it just have been black? Or blue? Or white? Or something? Why are cute things always ruined by transparency (and maybe whatever is making the skirt weirdly shiny)? Windows work on rooms, not on people.

The name change petition has not gone through yet, but imagine if it does. Will it become commonplace? What if, say, Intern George changed his name to George Casamigos to promote his tequila, right before he presented an Oscar. Or Justin Timberlake performed at the Grammys as Justin 901 Tequila. Actually, hang on, this is entertaining me now. I want Justin Bieber to hawk his fragrance by switching his name, temporarily, to Justin Girlfriend. And Ashton Kutcher can be Ashton Jobs, and if this were several years ago, Brad Pitt could start going by Brad The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford. And THEN I’d be pushing for Angelina to have married him, because Angelina TAOJJBTCRF is so catchy.

[Photo: Getty]

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UnFug It Up, Brie Larson


I actually kind of like the theory behind this:

It’s kind of like Casual Hayley Mills in The Original Parent Trap, which is one of my favorite looks. It just makes me want to grab a guitar and sing a song pointedly designed to force estranged couples to reunite. I just feel like, for an event where you’re walking the red carpet, it’s maybe a little bit TOO Casual 50s Teen. I just can’t quite decide how to tweak it. Is the color of the skirt too bland?  Should she had sported more interesting flats? Is the top designed to go with an entirely different outfit? Fix this thing!

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Rose Byrne


The good news: She looks so much more chipper in front of the camera lately! She has tremendously wonderful hair! She’s still dating Bobby Cannavale and this pleases me, because if they decide to have kids, those children will have amazing eyebrows and that, my friends, is what’s really important in this mixed up crazy world.

The bad news: I think I like this print better on Gwyneth. This dress is right there on the edge of being super cute, I think — but it’s got one too many tulle-filled intermissions. She almost looks like she got into a knife fight with her seamstress. If she lost a few of them — or lost the sleeves entirely? — we might be cooking with gas. Light me up with your thoughts.

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Unfug It Up: Jayma Mays


I feel like there’s a lot of good happening here:

Those shoes, for example, are the OPPOSITE of boring and I love them — they’re insane, and in general, I’m not into the open-toed bootie, but EVERYTHING about them is so nutty that I think they actually work. Thank you, Brian Atwood, for existing, and BLESS Jayma’s stylist for not putting her in a boring shoe. I want to buy her a cocktail for that. And I actually think this whole look is really INTERESTING. But, despite the fact that both pieces of this look were designed to be worn together, I keep wondering if, in practice, the blouse-y shape of the top is fighting with the interesting waist detail on the skirt — would this have worked better split up, and done with a sleeker top? Or something else? Or do you think it’s perfect as is? Please put on your stylist hat — I’m sure it’s super glam — and weigh in.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fug or Fab It Up: Naya Rivera


First of all, in case you think, “she looks awfully cheery considering the recent death of one of her castmates,” this is one of the cheeriest-looking pictures of her available from our photo service (and the best shot of her dress, which is why I used it). In most of the shots, she looks totally professional, and like she’s putting on a happy face to do her job, but also tired and shell-shocked. I feel really bad for all the Glee cast (not to mention Cory Monteith’s family and other loved ones, obviously). I cannot imagine what they’re going through; it’s all tremendously sad. But there is something to be said for the restorative power of work, and I hope that’s helping them get through what has to be a terrible, terrible time. Monteith always seemed so extraordinarily amiable, and I’m sure his loss casts a very long shadow. Addiction is an awful thing.

ANYWAY. Not to be all Debbie Downer on you, it just seemed inappropriate to launch into a convo about her outfit right off the bat. But let’s make that right turn now:

I’m not wild about the shoes in this instance, but I have to say, I think this is one of my favorites of her looks. (Are we grading on a curve? Perhaps. But still.) What say you?

[Photo: WENN]

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Unfug It Up: Emmy Rossum


This should have been a win. The skirt is dramatic and bold and beautiful, like a dramatic music sting on The Bold and the Beautiful except without a bunch of twitching eyeballs.

But then the bodice has a giant blue X on it, and the Kabbalah bracelet on HGH that’s around her waist ALSO forms a sort of X, but a competing one, like two letters in different fonts trying to pretend they belong in the same word. The bodice extends below her natural waist, but the belt sits right on it. I don’t get it. If you want the dress to have a cincher, then don’t drop the bodice. If you want an X, pick one. If you want her to look good, stop throwing in extra extra extras, or else your gown becomes like an infomercial that wants you to buy a Magic Bullet SO BADLY that it throws in six other kitchen tools and a cookbook for free.

Fix it, Fug Nation, as only you can.

[Photo: WENN]

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