Fug File: Unfug It Up

Golden Globes Unfug It Up: Jennifer Lawrence


This isn’t the worst Dior of the lot, by any means, but that doesn’t mean I have to love it.

It just looks a bit like she’s wearing a carpet that only got part-way untied and unrolled. I want to snip out the second black piece and then see what we’ve got — something simple, sure, but at least it would be more flattering. The hair still isn’t flattering to her face shape, either, and I think her makeup may have been TOO heavy-handed, but let’s stay on topic: When talking to Seacrest, Jennifer noted that she was wearing Dior, with a quick quip about what a huge shocker that would be to everyone. Methinks she’s getting bored of it and when they uncage this beast — whenever the hell that happens (she was announced as the Miss Dior face in October 2012) — I think we’re in for a serious fashion binge, like going off gluten for a week and then being put in a room full of delicious, delicious sandwiches. She will CONSUME IT ALL, side effects be damned.

[Photo: Getty]

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People’s Choice Unfug It Up: Lucy Hale


I don’t even know if we’re removing fug, so much as trying to create more fab.

I can’t decide how I feel about the pattern, exactly, but I so appreciate that she wore one that I’m basically happy with it. But somehow the sleeve, though helpful for warmth, pushes it into Way Too Much territory for me. So I’d maybe kill that sucker and then replace the shoes that scream I GIVE UP with something more fun — like, how about a gray, even, or a gray-blue that plays off the subtler colors in the dress? Kat Dennings wore some kind of grey pump in one of her outfits, I think, so they’re certainly out there. Just SOMETHING to lighten up the mood down there. And since she’s petite, I almost might bring this above the knee. I don’t know. Help me, Fug Nation. Or do I not need help, because it should stay as-is? Do I need help for other reasons? I’m so tired. What day is it?

[Photo: Getty]

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People’s Choice Awards Unfug It Up: Anna Faris


Here’s the thing: We all love The Golden Girls. We just do. And if you haven’t seen it, trust me, you do.¬†Even if you don’t, you do.

But that love has its place, and that place is usually: your couch; a lanai; a conversation with a friend in which said friend needs you to make a Zbornak face at her; if you are in Sicily; if you are in St. Olaf or attending St. Olaf College or happen to BE St. Olaf; if you are dating a man with a particularly dated mustache; etc. There are lots of places, basically, but the red carpet is not one of them. Not when you are young and you are foxy. The basic WORK on this is stunning; I just wish we could, say, fit the shirt and turn it into a gown, maybe with a belt/midriff accent that’s a slice of color. OR fit it, make it a more flowing than fitted skirt, and have it be one of those slice-of-midriff outfits. But those pants are unforgivable on a person under 55, right? And even then, they probably don’t deserve much mercy.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fab: Kristen Wiig


Here’s another one I couldn’t come down on definitively:

Love the bodice, love the shoes, can’t help wondering if the skirt length is stumpifying — and in fact, the skirt itself looks kind of like a mourner’s petticoat, as if it was never supposed to see the light of day, but grief drove her mad, MAD I TELL YOU, and she wandered out of her chambers without reapplying her overskirt. AND FINALLY, I can’t tell if I really want her to wear a dark red lip with this, or if I’m just tired of celebrities wearing ONLY sheer gloss anymore and I’m just pushing against that with all my bloggy might (so, more of a wimpy nudge).

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[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug or Fab: Evangeline Lilly


This is at least unusual; in fact, it’s almost Blanchettian.

But the slightly blousy abdominal region (due to the dropped waist) is giving this thing a really weird line, and I don’t love how the neck cowl plays with that. Why not just have it come up higher and close around the actual neck? And raise that band to her actual natural waist, which would enhance her natural shape rather than warping it. I don’t know. I DO appreciate that she’s making interesting choices; I just think this one desolates her smaug.

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[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Diane Kruger


If this weren’t sheer, I would be all over it:

If This Weren’t Sheer, by the way, is the name of the soulful album of slow jams I plan to release next year, based on the experience of covering 2013′s red carpets. You’ll love such hot tracks as “WORDS,” “Why? and “WTF?!?” as well as the album first single, “Why Don’t You Just Stab Me In The Face?” I’m probably going to open for Miley, in a totally post-modern, self-reflexive artistic statement wherein the headliner will be recreating the art I created about the headliner.

That being said, I really do think that if we could line this sucker, she could pop up on Reign and teach those anachronistic bitches some lessons. How would you fix it?

[Photo: WENN]

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