Fugger: Justin Bieber

Fugs and Fugs: The CR Fashion Book Party at Paris Fashion Week

Welcome to The Saucy Lady of the Night Circus. It’s just like The Night Circus itself, except the gymnastics are a lot naughtier.

[Photos: AKM/GSI, Getty]


amfAR in Cannes Better Played Carpet: Justin Bieber

I mean, it’s a whole hell of a lot better:

I am not sure the pants are supposed to be quite so bunchy all the way down (and the rest of it also seems fitted oddly and shoved around, as if the primary objective was to make his shoulders look broad and show off the arm tattoos). But then again, this is a person who until recently seemed to believe pants were supposed to include a superhuman amount of bulge space and/or fasten under the buttocks, and it’s pleasant to see him looking human and relatively rational. In other words, one small step for man is, in fact, one giant leap for Biebkind.

Edited to add: I didn’t see the mustache at first. It’s… not good, if that’s what it is. But still: Considering his behavioral optics were bad enough for him to be left out of Fug Madness, I’m just glad he’s dressed, and in clothes that appear to be staying on him.

[Photo: Getty]


Coachella Music Fugstival: First Weekend

Otherwise known as Free People Fashion Week, and starring such luminaries as Vanessa Hudgens, Beyonce, Solange, Lorde, Jared Leto, Kellan Lutz, Kate Bosworth, and the Jenner girls and the Willis girls in some truly hideous things.

Speaking of: This was the second Coachella photo I saw. And I tweeted it and said that I was fairly sure it would stand as the stupidest one of all. And then some people gave her some REALLY stiff competition.

Is it still the stupidest one of all?

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[Photos. Splash, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, WENN]


Fugstin Bieber

I freely admit that I have an incredibly low Bieber tolerance. But among other issues, someone REALLY needs to have a Come to Jesus with him about his upper lip. Or if that doesn’t work, send in Kanye for a Come to Yeezus. Or Beyonce for a Come to Beysus. Or a Nintendo Wii avatar of himself for a Come to Miisus. Because for some reason, sticking him in front of a mirror for a Come to Biebsus has not been effective, because he has the WORLD’S LEAST RELIABLE EYEBALLS APPARENTLY AND THAT IS SAYING SOMETHING BECAUSE THIS PLANET ALSO HAS KARDASHIANS.

[Photos: Getty]


Justin Fugber

Dear Mr. Dweeber,

The answer is still no.

[Photo: WENN]


Fugstin Bieber

Here’s the thing: Is it THAT bad?

I mean, he looks kind of dumb, but is it that much dumber than usual? His pants stayed up, and the crotch fabric didn’t appear to be getting frisky with his kneecaps. His leather shirt is at least… ventilated in a sporty-themed way. And the hat… yeah, that’s a pretty ugly Miami Heat hat, and presumably he bought it, or at the very least agreed to wear it in place of a more standard one. Can’t defend that. Especially because there is no way he is a lifelong, wear-it-at-any-cost Miami Heat fan. He is more of a Free Tickets To Fancy Things fan, judging by his concurrent sudden and be-hatted interest in the L.A. Kings’ game seven clash against the Sharks last week.

But I think this is actually not the worst thing he’s worn lately, and the reason he’s catching so much flack for it is this: Nothing Justin Bieber can do makes him look any less ridiculous. He’s in permatwerp mode. And moaning about getting no artistic respect — everyone knows the first rule of PR is to show grace and good humor and engage in a little self-deprecation in the face of the boo birds. I am not sure how to fix this; it might not be a fixable problem, short of taking himself to an adventure yurt in deepest Siberia for six months and returning with a clean fashion slate, totally new hair, and no trucker hats that make his forehead look half a foot long. Or, to borrow from Parks & Rec: Rethink. Yo. Self.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]