Fug File: WTF

Elton John Oscar Party WTF: Jessica White


There was a rumor going around in September that Tom Cruise and Jessica White were dating, and I think I speak for us all when I say PLEASE XENU LET THAT BE TRUE because LOOK:

If she plays her cards right, she could be initiated very quickly as some kind of new, extremely complicated Scientology deity, and Tom could tuck himself right there under her armpit, pull the sleeve around himself, and run that scam like Oz. Or burst out of it tap-dancing. Both.

We might as well let her turn around for us, because she put in so much effort:

hail, xena? wait, that’s taken…

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Elton John Oscar Party: WTF, Mel B


This is certainly in the running for the dubious title of WORST DRESS OF THE YEAR:

It’s like a long-line thong bodysuit became sentient and promptly got frostbite.

[Photo: Getty]

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Selena Fugmez


How do I hate this? Let me count the ways: 1) A lot; 2) SO MUCH; 3) FLAMES. ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE. And so forth.

[Photos: WENN]

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What The Fug: Adrien Brody


We need to talk about whatever is happening here with Adrien Brody:

Heather and I have this joke in Messy about how you can make a positive review out of anything. (I think the actual joke was that our heroine, Brooke Berlin, is touting a rave review she got for the school play, nothing that it said, “Brooke Berlin is on!” when the actual line was, “Brooke Berlin is onstage.” Brooke Berlin does not let such tiny details bother her.) And I have to admit that when I saw this suit, my actual thought was, ellipsis and all, “Adrien Brody is wearing a….suit!” Because the adjective that would go there is probably a little snarky. (Let’s be honest: it was “CRAZY.”) On the other hand, I love it when an actor possesses the stones to wear something so flashy and interesting as whatever this is. It takes some balls to decide to go out looking like you’re late for your back-up gig in Vegas, and I deeply treasure any actor who decides to take those balls and use them. Additionally, I feel like we need to acknowledge that this is probably from the Jackson Rathbone For Kohls line, which is also very supportive of a fellow actor, so it’s a win all around.

[Photos: INF]

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Fugs and Fabs: Celebs at London Fashion Week


Let’s put a bow on this sucker and move on to Milan.

[Photos Fame/Flynet, WENN, Getty]

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BRIT Awards Fug Carpet: Jessie J


We’ve seen Jessie J in catsuits. We saw it for years. We winced and we cringed and we said, “Why is she doing that to her kick-ass body?” And then she stopped wearing them as much, and that felt right, because really, what could she possibly feel she had left to prove? And yet:

When Jessica and I were in England, we spent a day in Oxford, and noticed the local theater was in the waning days of a three-week Cats revival. We both saw it as kids and loved it, because that was before we cared about anything and we just thought, “Wow, Jellicles CAN! And Jellicles DO!!!” And so we joked about going to see it and then coming home and telling everyone that we’d spent our precious hours and pounds seeing Cats, and actually now I kind of regret not doing that because it would have been worth it. And Jessie J may be feeling nostalgic, too, because this is full-on Grizabella the Glamour Cat in her prime, before she put on a heavy coat and moped and sang about the time she knew what happiness was. If this isn’t ripped from a private Andrew Lloyd Webber diary under the heading Grizabella: Let The Memory Live Again, then I don’t know what is.

And no, you’re not hallucinating; her lipstick is FREEZING DEATH:

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