“But Heather,” you might think. “This is just a photo of a delightful woman who, sure, might’ve gotten a makeup artist with a heavy hand on the eye shadow, and yeah, okay, she’s in one of the infernal bra tops that are sweeping the nation like a plague, but the pants just look like your standard Gap khakis. Calm down.” To which I say, scroll down.

SAG-AFTRA Foundation Conversations with Samuel L. Jackson And Dominique Fishback

They’ve got air-conditioning.

SAG-AFTRA Foundation Conversations with Samuel L. Jackson And Dominique Fishback

Double-sided air conditioning, even. They’re like chaps, but for your knee pits. Or pants, but with shorts also in them, except shorts are already just “short pants,” so to combine them is an egregious redundancy that might cause the universe to collapse on itself? I need caffeine. I’m not ready for this.

[Photos: Amanda Edwards/Getty Images]