SJP is all about leather and pink, and at this event she appears to be thisclose to ODing on accessories. You know that old chestnut about looking in the mirror and removing one item before you leave the house? She, like, looked in the mirror and added two more.
[Photos: Getty]
This feels like a fun concept that somehow turned into a bit of a drag. Which is saying something when you consider how bright it is.
It starts with the navel. This slice-of-skin thing is sophisticated only if it’s above the navel and your umbilical pit stays hidden. But then there’s the bodice, which doesn’t look like it’s meant to be outerwear — especially the straps — and the skirt has SO much happening that it doesn’t really need a tongue down at her knees. Et cetera. Do you agree? Is it too much, or is it working? Me, I’d like to tweak. But we are people who nitpicked the first chapter of Spoiled so many times that I seriously can’t ever read it again, so perhaps I just need to do as The Beatles suggest and let it be.
[Photo: Fame/Flynet]
I almost spaced out and titled this post “Fug or Rita Ora,” as if there’s usually ever a sartorial difference. But in this case, I am at least INTERESTED in her outfit rather than terrified.
The boots look ridiculous with it — they belong someplace else entirely, preferably on the body of SWINTON as she heads over to David Bowie’s place for a raucous night of sushi and “I Never” and some soft-serve from one of the seven machines that ONLY do swirls. But the rest, I might not hate, just possibly not all at ONCE. Individually, the jacket is interesting. The blouse could work. The skirt looks mildly like an external manifestation of pelvic inflammatory disease, but at least it’s interesting — and I think if each piece were used as the accent in a simpler look, it’d be more effective than all that fire all at once. Together it just looks like fire. Self-immolation is rarely the right style choice, so if you were Rita, what would you have done? Picked one and surrounded it with easier things? Picked one and surrounded it with complex but different things? Gone two out of three? Eaten the whole enchilada, inferno of indigestion be damned?
[Photo: Fame/Flynet]
Admittedly, it’s going to be hard for Sandra to top her Venice outfit. That’s the problem with looking THAT good: We’re going to have an Awesome hangover for a long, long time.
But this outfit’s problems may exist on their own. The bodice seems too low, without a necklace to distract us. The dark teal is gorgeous, but I don’t like the satin nor the giant seam bisecting her. I think I wish the skirt was slim chevrons alternating between teal and white. But maybe this is cool, and I just have the aforementioned AABs: After-Awesome Blues. (As you can see we’re still workshopping what to call it. I think playing off “hangover” makes more sense but it’s evading me.)
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I want better for Anna Bates here. Both on her body AND on Downton Abbey, because frankly, I’ve been totally bored of Mr. Bates for a while now and I went from being sympathetic to his trials to deeply ambivalent about his happiness, to wishing he’d kill someone for real and go back to jail so that Anna can have steamy adventures with someone less stodgy.
The crooked mullet looks like she accidentally leaned into a fire. Otherwise, I’d love to noodle with this: Loose, soft updo, perhaps, with a knee-length skirt and bright shoes with a more fun clutch. Or you could add a cute belt, or it Needs A Better Bracelet (NABB) or… the possibilities are as endless as the current color palette is bland. That palette is Mr. Bates. Oh, lordy, the whole OUTFIT basically IS Mr. Bates, right down to having just the one leg. I’m sorry, Mr. Bates. I’m not mocking your plight. (But would it kill you to bash someone over the head with your prosthetic? THINK OF THE VIEWERS.)
[Photo: Getty]
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Unfug It Up: Jennifer Lawrence
There’s a lot of sideboob happening here. I didn’t think the sideboob last week was overly horrifying, but it turns out I have my limits. (Surprising no one, my limits for sideboob are pretty rigid.)
[Photos: Getty]
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