Fug File: Unfug It Up

Unfug It Up: Sandra Bullock on The Tonight Show


I love Sandra Bullock, but I feel like I have been seeing ads for Our Brand Is Crisis for two months or something, and I’m BEYOND ready for it to come out already (as, I suspect, is she, because so far reviews are not great). At ay rate, Sandra was on with Jimmy Fallon last night and I am still excessively fond of her as a human. Less so what she has wrapped that human form in:

Sandra Bullock tonight show

For me, it’s a fairly simple fix: I want to hack off the knee tutu. Doesn’t it look better if you imagine that away? The Frankenstein’s Monster quality to the white parts doesn’t bother me; it’s fun, and hell, it’s Halloween, so it doesn’t get more apt. The mesh back could work on its own. But then suddenly her shins are the black swan, and it’s even fighting what the shoes are doing a bit.

Sandra Bullock tonight show

I really need the number of her facialist, though. I am too cheap to get facials, obviously, especially one with whatever pricey expert is allowed to touch hers. But just to know I HAD it would give me hope.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]

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Unfug It Up: Chrissy Teigen in Kayat


I am super happy for parents-to-be Chrissy Teigen and John Legend. Because they leaked it in advance, I DVR’d the episode of The Fab Life where she and Tyra talked about IVF and fertility struggles (a discussion that appeared to be pretty spontaneous, and interestingly, Chrissy would’ve shot it while secretly knowing it had worked, which must have been weird), and it was actually quite good and moving and sympathetic. As someone who’s gone through IVF and isn’t shy about saying so, it was nice to hear celebrities talk so frankly about the emotions and the shots and the technical stuff that’s involved, because it does feel like there’s a stigma attached to having trouble with this stuff. I mean, I was once told that my own fertility problems were clearly natural selection trying to eliminate my gene pool, and that I was violating the laws of nature by trying to procreate using medical science. (I encourage that person to spend five minutes with my marvelous twins and then tell me the universe didn’t want them to exist. Impossible.) Having people with that platform be so frank about the experience was refreshing; the more comfortable women feel in sharing this stuff, the less we all may beat ourselves up for experiencing the same, and the more we can help each other. It also did inspire me to redouble my efforts to resist pregnancy speculation. When we do that, it’s genuinely out of excitement – babies are cute! — but obviously you never know what a person is going through, or why. Once I had to go to Fashion Week when I was still bloated from an unsuccessful attempt, and I really felt like I looked like I was hiding a pregnancy, and it made me so self-conscious. So. In sum: always trying to be better, cheers to everyone going through fertility issues, double-cheers to Chrissy Teigen for her success and impending bundle of Legend, and now let’s talk about clothes.

chrissy teigen la mer

This reminds me of Rosamund Pike’s Vera Wang maxi-pad-on-strings from the Oscars, except the bodice is better-fitted. I am not hot for anything involving the zipper, though. Perhaps if it fastened in the back instead, that would be enough? Exposed zippers, to put it elegantly, really harsh my buzz. With fashion, I don’t usually want to be distracted by the details of construction, and how it all works. Just transport me instead.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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UnFug It Up: Julianne Moore, in Chanel


First of all, she needs to step away from Karl Lagerfeld. But! This was a Chanel event, so it’s not like she could call him and be like, “yeah, I’ll be there, but I’m going to wear this extremely streamlined Calvin Klein. SEE YOU LATER KARL.”

Mademoiselle Prive Exhibition

With that in mind, dear god, at the very least, I want her to take off the jacket. Don’t get rid of it, or anything crazy — that would be rash. You can wear it with jeans! But the jacket and the necklace and the collar and the decision not to use sleeves…? This is just too much. Me, I’d put the jacket back in the closet and swap it for a black one. What do you think?

While you ponder that, look how great she looked earlier in the day:

The Mademoiselle Prive Exhibition In London

BINGO.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet

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Unfug or Fab: Lily James in Ulyana Sergeenko


This isn’t a scrolldown, exactly, but I definitely like it better when I can only see half of it.

lily james war and peace

The colors and the fabric are so cool, and stunning with her coloring. I envisioned it being long, maybe completing the vintage robe/lush Lady Mary kind of feel. (Also, Lush Lady Mary Feels are what I am hoping Matthew Goode will bring to Downton Abbey this season, nudge-nudge, NO SPOILERS, FUG NATION UK.)

Let’s visit the full view:

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Unfug or Fab: Diane Kruger in Simone Rocha


This looks fine, in your typical Diane Kruger Has The Mojo kind of way, although I would ditch the matching tea towel sewn to her hip.

'Maryland' Paris Premiere At MK2 Bibliotheque

But generally the only advantage to a wearable blanket is: erotic picnics. Pacey had better play his cards right.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Unfug it Up: Kate Bosworth in Schiaparelli


First of all, to my eyes, this dress — as a dress — is perfection. I love it:

"90 Minutes In Heaven" Atlanta Premiere

But the more I look at it, the more I think it doesn’t fit her at all, and in fact, it needs to be taken from her and put on an entirely different human being, and she will have to just…fend for herself in wilds of Bergdorf Goodman or whatever. She’s Kate Bosworth. She’ll be fine.

But let’s decide who deserves this dress. I might want to see it on Lupita. But I basically want to see everything on Lupita.

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Holland Roden


This suffers from a lack of confidence in itself.

holland roden american ultra

It’s as if nobody involved with this outfit at ANY level was totally certain ANY of it was the right way to go. You could peel off the bib, or redesign the neckline to incorporate it more organically. You could take out the horizontal sections of the skirt. You could cut it off where the lining stops, or extend the slip all the way to the hem. You could give her a clutch that doesn’t blend into the rest of it and some more stylish jewelry. You could give her a deeper lip and edgier hair. You could, in fact, try any of those things. I’m shocked it ended in interesting shoes, actually, because THAT’S usually where people give up the hardest, but here it’s as if someone thought, “Well, hell, let’s at least finish strong and maybe they’ll forget the rest,” like if you win a football game 3-0 on a last-second field goal and pray the columnists and fans are so relieved that they ignore how miserable the other 59:59 were. Now, “miserable” is not a word I’d apply to this,  but I WOULD attempt at least one of the aforementioned fixes, if not a few. What would you do? And in related news, do we think she needs to go crazy at the salon and get a choppy short haircut of some kind, just to shake it up a bit? Or is that just what I’m going to do? It’s like every few years I feel the need to cut my hair so that I’m reminded how bad it looks on me, and can then grow it out and safely move forward safely for another few calendar cycles.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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