Fug File: Unfug It Up

Unfug It Up: Sarah Jessica Parker


SJP is all about leather and pink, and at this event she appears to be thisclose to ODing on accessories. You know that old chestnut about looking in the mirror and removing one item before you leave the house? She, like, looked in the mirror and added two more.

[Photos: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Kat Graham


This feels like a fun concept that somehow turned into a bit of a drag. Which is saying something when you consider how bright it is.

It starts with the navel. This slice-of-skin thing is sophisticated only if it’s above the navel and your umbilical pit stays hidden. But then there’s the bodice, which doesn’t look like it’s meant to be outerwear — especially the straps — and the skirt has SO much happening that it doesn’t really need a tongue down at her knees. Et cetera. Do you agree? Is it too much, or is it working? Me, I’d like to tweak. But we are people who nitpicked the first chapter of Spoiled so many times that I seriously can’t ever read it again, so perhaps I just need to do as The Beatles suggest and let it be.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Unfug or Fine: Rita Ora


I almost spaced out and titled this post “Fug or Rita Ora,” as if there’s usually ever a sartorial difference. But in this case, I am at least INTERESTED in her outfit rather than terrified.

The boots look ridiculous with it — they belong someplace else entirely, preferably on the body of SWINTON as she heads over to David Bowie’s place for a raucous night of sushi and “I Never” and some soft-serve from one of the seven machines that ONLY do swirls. But the rest, I might not hate, just possibly not all at ONCE. Individually, the jacket is interesting. The blouse could work. The skirt looks mildly like an external manifestation of pelvic inflammatory disease, but at least it’s interesting — and I think if each piece were used as the accent in a simpler look, it’d be more effective than all that fire all at once. Together it just looks like fire. Self-immolation is rarely the right style choice, so if you were Rita, what would you have done? Picked one and surrounded it with easier things? Picked one and surrounded it with complex but different things? Gone two out of three? Eaten the whole enchilada, inferno of indigestion be damned?

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Unfug or Fab: Sandra Bullock


Admittedly, it’s going to be hard for Sandra to top her Venice outfit. That’s the problem with looking THAT good: We’re going to have an Awesome hangover for a long, long time.

But this outfit’s problems may exist on their own. The bodice seems too low, without a necklace to distract us. The dark teal is gorgeous, but I don’t like the satin nor the giant seam bisecting her. I think I wish the skirt was slim chevrons alternating between teal and white. But maybe this is cool, and I just have the aforementioned AABs: After-Awesome Blues. (As you can see we’re still workshopping what to call it. I think playing off “hangover” makes more sense but it’s evading me.)

Judge it, please:

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[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Joanne Froggatt


I want better for Anna Bates here. Both on her body AND on Downton Abbey, because frankly, I’ve been totally bored of Mr. Bates for a while now and I went from being sympathetic to his trials to deeply ambivalent about his happiness, to wishing he’d kill someone for real and go back to jail so that Anna can have steamy adventures with someone less stodgy.

The crooked mullet looks like she accidentally leaned into a fire. Otherwise, I’d love to noodle with this: Loose, soft updo, perhaps, with a knee-length skirt and bright shoes with a more fun clutch. Or you could add a cute belt, or it Needs A Better Bracelet (NABB) or… the possibilities are as endless as the current color palette is bland. That palette is Mr. Bates. Oh, lordy, the whole OUTFIT basically IS Mr. Bates, right down to having just the one leg. I’m sorry, Mr. Bates. I’m not mocking your plight. (But would it kill you to bash someone over the head with your prosthetic? THINK OF THE VIEWERS.)

[Photo: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Maria Sharapova


We need to discuss this: Apparently, Maria Sharapova has filed for a two-week quickie name change, so that for the duration of the U.S. Open, she can go by Maria Sugarpova. Because that is the name of her year-old candy line, and she wants to turn her tennis career into a particularly grasping marketing ploy. THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING IN THE WORLD.  [ed note: Her agent said they decided not to do this, and my suspicion is that it's because the plan was greeted with total incredulity from all sides; I will keep the rest of the post intact]  It means anytime she does anything on the court — like, say, wins a game — the chair umpire would be required to say, “Game Miss Sugarpova,” or, “Miss Sugarpova is challenging the call,” or, “Miss Sugarpova is not going to be playing in the U.S. Open for long if this is what she’s thinking about prior to the tournament starting.” Not that the chair ump can editorialize. Pity.

As for her dress… look,the skirt is interesting. The top might be interesting, if you couldn’t see right through it. Whatever camisole or lining or flesh-toned nonsense is under there, it’s bunching. It’s not good. Couldn’t it just have been black? Or blue? Or white? Or something? Why are cute things always ruined by transparency (and maybe whatever is making the skirt weirdly shiny)? Windows work on rooms, not on people.

The name change petition has not gone through yet, but imagine if it does. Will it become commonplace? What if, say, Intern George changed his name to George Casamigos to promote his tequila, right before he presented an Oscar. Or Justin Timberlake performed at the Grammys as Justin 901 Tequila. Actually, hang on, this is entertaining me now. I want Justin Bieber to hawk his fragrance by switching his name, temporarily, to Justin Girlfriend. And Ashton Kutcher can be Ashton Jobs, and if this were several years ago, Brad Pitt could start going by Brad The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford. And THEN I’d be pushing for Angelina to have married him, because Angelina TAOJJBTCRF is so catchy.

[Photo: Getty]

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