Fug File: Fug or Fab

Fug or Fab: Gwyneth Paltrow in Lanvin


As if Our Lady of GOOP would waste her side-ass on something as laaaaaame as Mortdecai.  This is a side-boob only joint. (I admit to being curious to hear what she’s privately calling this one, since she’s on record as referring to View From The Top as “View From My Ass.” I kind of want to get caught in an elevator with Gwynnie. You’d have to be there for a LONG TIME before she’d break, I think, but once she broke, you’d get DISH. And probably some weird recipe for an organic face wash.)

[Photos: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Emily Blunt in Alexander McQueen


I am not entirely sure what’s happening here:

emily blunt

At first I thought she was wearing a glamorously weird McQueen take on a caftan, but actually, the gown seems more fitted than that, so… she might just be wearing a glamorously weird McQueen, full-stop. It has a sleeve that thinks it might be a cape. Still… even if it’s not floaty enough to hide my snack bloat, I could TOTALLY swan around in that on someone’s yacht deck by night, a flute in one hand — of Champers, not of musicality — and a plate stacked high with cheese in the other. There’s something appealingly luxe about its kookitude, like this isn’t just an outfit but a lifestyle.

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[Photo: Getty]

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Fug or Fab: Katie Holmes in Marc Cain


I was going to full-out fug this, and then I looked at it, and it’s CRAZY but I might kind of enjoy it?

Katie Holmes leaves a bar after a VIP cocktail party in Berlin

But it might just be the cozy goodness of that coat speaking to me.

Have I at last been hypnotized by a coat, something we all knew would happen eventually?

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[Photo: Splash]

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Fug or Fab: Chloe Grace Moretz in Valentino


Okay, let’s work through this together.

chloe grace moretz museum of the moving image julianne moore honor

We’ve got an ornate collar (lovely) and a gold color (usually a yes) and a whole lot of lace (… it depends) and some black pumps (zzz) that seem to have a very elegant shape to them at least (true) and no platform (PRAISE) but the double skirt looks like a window (yeesh) and she seems to have her hands jammed into translucent pockets (…?) because I can still SEE her hands (!!!!) I think (pretty sure) even though I shouldn’t be able to (right?) and it’s freakish (… the hell?), and you know what (what?), I’ve talked myself right out of this one.

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[Photo: INF]

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Critics’ Choice Movie Awards Fine or Fab: Julianne Moore in Saint Laurent


Saint Laurent always looks phoned in to me — like once they lost the Yves, they also lost the will to live — but this isn’t….I mean. It’s….I can’t even muster up the oomph to finish the sentence. IT’S FINE. THERE. Two words. Seven letters. One sweet apostrophe. I did it:

The 20th Annual Critics Choice Movie Awards in Hollywood

But FINE is probably exactly right when you won a Golden Globe on Sunday and you know that this — an event at which she also won — is just a pit stop on the commute to Oscarville. You have to leave something in the tank for the last ten miles of the journey, after all. (Maybe take a detour around the Sheer Bib Portion of the drive next time, though. It’s so unsightly and traffic is terrible.)

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Critics’ Choice Movie Awards Fug or Fab: Angelina Jolie


Well, it’s certainly slinky and shiny and giving her waist a wonderful curve.

angelina jolie critics choice awards

So why am I BORED? I think it’s because about 85 percent of the time, Angelina is either in tight black pants and a white shirt and a black blazer, or something befitting her whole Motherly Nightgown preference. And I’m not sure WHY, because she seems like a person who’d take bigger chances than that. If I could pin her down and ask her one off-the-record question… well, I would not ask the one I’m about to type. I have about forty I would ask first. But at SOME point I would say, “Pick a dress in this room that you wish you were wearing and tell my why you AREN’T.” Like, what about Emily Blunt’s? Angelina would KILL in a skimming, elaborate red sheath. Or Diane Kruger’s — too precious, maybe, but it’s an ATTEMPT at least. Is Angie too afraid of not being taken seriously? Because that ship has sailed — at this point in her life as an actor, director, and humanitarian, you probably either do or you don’t, and it would take a lot to sway you in either direction. What if she were as adventurous as the preternaturally sophisticated and enviable Cate Blanchett, who manages to come off important and real at all times even when she’s wearing a glorified spider web? So I mean… you do you, Angelina, and if that’s what THIS is, then congratulate whoever found something that lies so beautifully on your waist. But if this isn’t really you and you’re playing a role, please claw out of your rut. Because you could DOMINATE if you wanted to, and I often wish you did.

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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