Fug File: Dialogues

Well Played, Tina Fey/Mustachely Played, Paul Rudd


TINA: Hi, Paul.

PAUL: Greetings, milady.

TINA: [Something very naturally hilarious that really can't be approximated]

PAUL: Ha! Yes. You are so naturally hilarious, it really can’t be approximated.

TINA: [Jokes charmingly about how weird it is that her upturned eyeball is visible between them]

PAUL: That joke was charming. And you look great. Leather works on you.

TINA: [Something unspeakably funny about Paul's mustache]

PAUL: Thanks. I’ve been shooting Anchorman, so if I shave it off prematurely they’re going to make me clean Will Ferrell’s grease traps for a month using only sponges made from his chest shavings.

TINA: [She has thoughts that are brilliant]

PAUL: I’ve been working really hard to make sure it looks exactly like you could rip it off, stick it to something, and lift.

TINA: [We can only imagine]

PAUL: BRILLIANT.

[Photo: Getty]

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London Fugshion Week: Tom Ford


JUSTIN: CHERISHED LIFE PARTNER, YOU ARE A VISION.

JESSICA: Isn’t he adorable?

JUSTIN: COME WITH ME TO YONDER FASHION DISPLAY.

JESSICA: Right! That’s what we’re here for. A fashion show.

JUSTIN: LET US TWINE OUR FOREARMS IN TRUEST LOVE.

JESSICA: Yeah, that’s… yeah! Fine!

JUSTIN: AND WE SHALL DISPLAY OUR PASSION DEAR LADY.

JESSICA: … Okay, sure, I… no, “dear lady” is basically an anti-aphrodisiac.

JUSTIN: MAWWIAGE. MAWWIAGE IS WHAT BWINGS US TOGETHAAA TOWAAAAY.

JESSICA: Please let’s just go inside and sit down.

[Photos: Getty   Note: For the complete show, check out Style.com]

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CMA Awards Fug or Fab: Tim McGraw and Faith Hill


TIM: We are so coordinated!

FAITH: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

TIM: That wasn’t a joke, babe. Just an observation. We look like two formal salutes to the black and white cookie.

FAITH: Jerry Seinfeld once said that he loved the black and white cookie because it was two races of flavor living side by side in harmony, and a wonderful thing. LOOK TO THE COOKIE, TIM. LOOK TO THE COOKIE.

TIM: And then he and Elaine fought a woman over a babka. I don’t know if Seinfeld is a good sartorial inspiration. Although I do agree with George that we really should all drape ourselves in velvet.

FAITH: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

TIM: You are acting so weird tonight.

FAITH: The truth is, I’m uncomfortable in this.

TIM: Why? You look comfortable! It’s fetching.

FAITH: I am just more accustomed to wriggling around in pleather football pants.

TIM: You can put those on when we get home.

Your turn!

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Fugs Aloud


CHERYL COLE: I look great!

NICOLA ROBERTS: I am wearing a shirt that says, ” HOMIES: South Central.” Because nothing is riper for winkingly ironic tee-shirt hilarity than complex socio-economic problems stemming from a variety of factors leading to serious issues with gang violence in a city not my own!!!!!!!

NADINE COYLE: I also look great.

KIMBERLEY WALSH: My torso was attacked by wild dogs!

SARAH HARDING: Is my butt still there? Yes. Okay. Just checking!

CHERYL: It feels so good to be reunited.

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Fug or Fab: Kate and Lea


KATE: Hi, Lea. Have you heard the rumors that I hate you?

LEA: Silliness!

KATE: Absurdity!

LEA: Nonsensical musings!

KATE: Ludicrous lexicography!

LEA: Wackadaisical textual fib fireworks!

KATE: Okay, fine, GOD, you don’t have to be all showy about it.

Lea first (just the way she'd like it):

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And Kate?

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[Photos: Getty, Splash]

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I Fug Fugabees


LIEV SCHREIBER: You look fantastic mumble mumble mumble.

NAOMI WATTS: What was the rest of that?

LIEV: NOTHING!

NAOMI: It sounded like “from Denise’s cup.” What does that mean? Is that some kind of Lisa Bonet reference?

LIEV: Nothing! It means nothing.

NAOMI: Or maybe it was, “from a flea’s pup.” But that doesn’t make sense. That’s backwards, at best.

LIEV: Nothing! I said NOTHING.

NAOMI:  Was it, “while the trees sup?” Or “from a wee’s gup?” Like, a small child’s guppy? “As the G’s yup?” Like, are you talking about how folks who used to pretend to be all gangsta back in the day have turned into yuppies and are now driving Priuses?

LIEV: “TO YUP” is not a VERB. We don’t even know anyone who used to be pretend to be “gangsta.” Since when do you even use the word “gangsta”?

NAOMI: Since Vicki Gunvalson used it to refer to herself on an episode of Watch What Happens Live. NOW who’s yupped, right? ME.

LIEV: I said, FROM THE KNEES UP. YOU LOOK FANTASTIC FROM THE KNEES UP. Your ankles escaped from the crazy farm and are holding your feet for ransom.

NAOMI: Oh, is that it? Hmm. I think you could have worked Lisa Bonet into that somehow, actually, Liev.

LIEV: I give up.

NAOMI: You look fantastic all over.

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