FERGIE: Hilary. You’re smiling. Why are you smiling?

HILARY: Because… should I not be?

FERGIE: Do tree stumps smile?



FERGIE: You were so close. And then look at those things.

HILARY: Oh, I suppose I see what you mean.

FERGIE: Yep. Just poking out of there like groundhogs checking the weather. That is no way to have ankles.

HILARY: Oh, like you’re one to talk.

FERGIE: At least you can see that I have legs, and a knee joint.

HILARY:  You’re awfully smug for someone who might be wearing very fancy radials.

FERGIE: Because at least I’m trying.

HILARY: Okay, genius, what should I have tried?

FERGIE: Something else. Or some hemming. Or both. If you’d told me years ago that I would be the 90210 alum who looked better on this night, I would have laughed so hard and then maybe done some more meth. But who’s laughing NOW? … Okay, still me. But differently.

HILARY: Well, if you’d told me then that between the two of us I would be the 90210 alum who had two Oscars, I’d have been like, “Yep, that makes sense,” and then called up Rob Lowe just to remind everyone that I COULD.

FERGIE: Sure thing, stumpy.

HILARY: How’d Poseidon work out, there, Stacy?

FERGIE: Point for the elf.