Y’all are going to know EXACTLY where I’m going with this almost immediately.

I am going to a wretched old town called Stumpville, where the trees have been hacked down, the barstools are all too low, and nobody has any knees. Seriously, though, I know I bang on about this, but this particular length does her no favors. Go up, go down, a little or a lot, but abandon hope all ye who enter precisely here. The giant pockets are a touch cutesy for me, too, although they do at least provide some interest. Her waist looks appropriately tiny. And… wait a minute, does her chest have cups? ACTUAL cups, not just of the bra variety?

It’s… what is that, overflow storage? Does she keep pretzels and spiced nuts in there? Her keys, an ID, some lip gloss? And look where they’re placed — it’s so awkward with the actual natural line of her boobs, which comes lower, and thus looks creased and weird. Perfect example adding stuff just for stuff’s sake. They look like old shoulder pads.

I also think the necklace and the earrings together are too much, and her face is too monochrome — a more dramatic eye or a darker lip would help. Basically, the only thing reassuring me here is that her hair doesn’t look crackballs, and the color isn’t terrible on her. Even the silver-tipped nails aren’t really doing it for me. What would make this work for you? Can she be saved, or should she fire her fiance from his styling duties?

[Photos: Getty]