Fug File: super(and unsuper)models

Elton John Oscar Party WTF: Jessica White


There was a rumor going around in September that Tom Cruise and Jessica White were dating, and I think I speak for us all when I say PLEASE XENU LET THAT BE TRUE because LOOK:

If she plays her cards right, she could be initiated very quickly as some kind of new, extremely complicated Scientology deity, and Tom could tuck himself right there under her armpit, pull the sleeve around himself, and run that scam like Oz. Or burst out of it tap-dancing. Both.

We might as well let her turn around for us, because she put in so much effort:

hail, xena? wait, that’s taken…

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amfAR Fugs and Fabs: Everyone Else


There were a LOT of rando models at this thing. Shouldn’t they all have been home last night with a face mask on, drinking a pressed juice and preparing for the rigors of Fashion Week? That’s what I did. (Read, “I had a glass of wine and a pot of beef beef bourguignon and then watched TV while eating a cake pop.”)

[Photos: Getty]

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Unfug It Up: Miranda Kerr


I weirdly kind of like this, but I keep staring at the top and thinking that it just looks like a Hanes t-shirt with grand aspirations:

In fact, I feel like this whole look aimed for Timeless Simplicity and landed in Kinda Half-Assed. The good news is, I think that with a little bit of work, we can wholly-ass it. I’d start with…well, a drink. And then maybe a some color. A jacket? Different shoes? You make the call.

[Photo: Getty]

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Golden Globes Fug Carpet: Miranda Kerr and Malin Akerman


Remember when Jared Leto got up to accept his award, and talked about waxing his body for Dallas Buyers Club, and his relief at not doing a Brazilian, and how women in the audience probably knew what he meant? I can think of one person who probably did:

I keep wanting to call this Divorce Thigh, but it’s also Divorce Groin. As that whole sport goes, I think Divorce Bangs are the one I prefer. (Side note: Do we think Pucci paid Donatella Versace a royalty for this design? I wonder if there was a rise in people Googling “Elizabeth Hurley safety pin.”)

Divorce Nudity, by the way, was going around:

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Well Played, Naomi Campbell


I love you, Naomi:

Gorgeous color, gorgeous cape, and of course she figures out a way to make sure it’s blowing out behind her. Personally, I like to think there is a person huddled behind it, whose job title is Cape Hobbit. That person will one day write an amazing book.

[Photo: Getty]

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Fugs, Fabs, and WTFs: The Victoria’s Secret Afterparty


It’s time for us all to go on model overload. And, fair warning: some of these women look like the trauma of strutting around in a giant dreamcatcher broke the part of their brain where good sartorial decisions are made. In other words: SOME OF THIS IS REAL BAD.

[Photos: Getty]

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