Well done, Louis Vuitton. You have taken Karlie Kloss and turned her into what happens when two consenting adults get lusty over a game of sex tangrams.

You know, I’ve lavished a lot of impatience on Dior, and it’s earned. But in the process, my irritation with Louis Vuitton may have slipped through the cracks, and GOD FORBID we hold our fire there. This most recent collection was basically like a firehose that shoots crack instead of water: silly (perhaps even kind of dumb), challenging from a physics perspective, and useless to anyone who doesn’t intend to light it aflame. Michelle Williams managed one good one at the SAGs and one sinister but sexy dress at the BAFTAs, and Ruth Negga pulled a good one too. But that’s not a very long list for a label that’s gotten a fair bit of placement lately. Sophie Turner, its latest face, has looked universally bonkers. Karlie Kloss here looks terrible, which is an achievement. Just for fun, let’s call in Doutzen Kroes, who showed up at the same event in the same label…

Doutzen Kroes

… and apparently a shark ate her wetsuit. Further, I know Vuitton spokeslady Alicia Vikander has sat out award season (as last year’s supporting actress at each of them, she should have been presenting) because she’s off filming Tomb Raider, but… is she really off filming Tomb Raider, or is she maybe marginally occupied with filming Tomb Raider and then the rest of the time trying to dodge being seen in public in any of these? Hard to blame her.

[Photos: Getty]