Unfug It Up: Janet Montgomery


Janet here is a British actress who stars on that new CBS show that I call Faaaancy Laaaaady Laaaaawyer because of this one really annoying line in the promo, and which is basically the premise, “What if Mona Lisa Vito Became An Attorney And Started Shopping At Ann Taylor?” And indeed, in the promo reel, she’s all soft suits and flowing hair and Jersey-lite, ready to take the legal world by storm and prove to them you CAN have a curling iron and still win in court.

And at the CBS fall season event, she went in a more severe direction. (I actually kept thinking this was Ashley Greene.) It’s a bit less Fancy Lady Lawyer than Fancy Lady Dominatrix Getting Dressed Up To Testify. There’s something cool here in the outfit — specifically, the skirt — but we need to solve this unfortunate mammarial shine problem (Mammarial Shine Problem — band name, mark it down). If it weren’t turning her torso into an ad for nipple patches, and it didn’t have only half a collar, we might be in business. This doesn’t fix the problem of the shoes, which make her feet look like she’s either standing en pointe or devoid of toes, but… one thing at a time. Although actually, no: ALL things at a time. Solve it all. Do you just change the material of the top so it’s opaque, or do you cut in a bit of a neckline also? Sleeveless or sleeved? And what shoes would you put with it? Do you inject color or keep the dark theme? And did you also think it was Ashley Greene, and then realize with surprise that we’ve arrived at a place where Ashley Greene is somebody we know enough to mistake other people for? And wasn’t that some awkward syntax?

[Photo: Getty]

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Comments (29):

  1. Stefanie

    I have a hard time seeing details when things are SO black and that’s the issue Im having now. The skirt could be cool but I cant tell. And the shoes make her feet look like horse hooves. Throw it all away. Start over.

  2. Improbable Joe

    Is the top and half of the skirt sheer? Is that what it is? Or is it super-reflective at about nipple-level? I don’t think that I know fashion, but if this had been all opaque like the collar and half the skirt, and had been broken up with some color around the waist/neck/trim then maybe.

    From the neck up, a lighter lipstick and a softer hairstyle? This look is sort of severe.

  3. mel

    Skirt, clutch, and earrings are the only things worth keeping. Ditch the rest. Visible bra would be preferable to whatever the mess is that she has going on under her top.

  4. Helen

    I like the Robert Palmer Girl look, so I’d just change her into a black bra and make the shoes a classic pump.

  5. geekgirl

    She kind of looks like she could be Two Face’s girlfriend who is a waitress/ice skater with the half ‘n half outfit to match.

  6. val.

    I don’t think those shoes are doing her ankles any favors.

  7. vandalfan

    Devoid Of Toes would also be a great band name.
    My band is going to be called “Nocturna and the Crepusculars”, and this gal can be one of my background singers.

    (oh, heck, go look it up!)

  8. mary lou bethune

    Those shoes make her legs look like stumps. It’s an awful outfit. She’s pretty so she should have highlighted her face and allowed her hair some breathing room. Are we out here in the hinterlands the only ones with common sense?

    • madness

      I was grappling with that same idea, but hadn’t figured it out yet. She looks stumpy and cankled, and I’m willing to bet she’s neither in real life.

      Also, half collars — even though I can’t see it in the dark — are dumb. It’s near your face, for heaven’s sake, which you should be trying to set off int he best possible way. Commit to a neckline one way or the other, don’t stand there with the refrigerator door open until you decide!

  9. Art Eclectic

    Is there a new Matrix movie that I don’t know about?

  10. AMS

    Oh dear God, save us all from yet another ridiculous lawyer show. Everyone I know already thinks we all spend our days solving crimes and letting the police draw legal conclusions, staring at rows of mug shots on otherwise spotless desks, and sleeping with each other. And I’m not even a criminal lawyer.

    Oh, right – the outfit. It’s made of “meh.” I love the asymmetrical hem on the skirt and dig the concept of the top, but the execution is patchy (see what I did there?) and she styled it terribly with those awful shoes and such severe hair. I bet it would look much better if she even just took her hair down, never mind changing the shoes and underpinnings.

    • Eli

      Seriously. I was a criminal lawyer until recently, and I was so freaking sick of jurors who watch too much TV, who expect DNA and fingerprints in every case and that the police investigation will be perfect. There does not need to be another show that convinces jurors that even though six eyewitnesses identified the defendant as the stabby stabber, they won’t convict because there was no DNA. Arrghhh. Obviously even though I left that realm, I still have a lot of pent up rage.

      • Vandalfan

        Honeys, I learned long ago that many folks think “criminal lawyer” is redundant.

  11. Cat

    What the hell are those shoes?! It looks like she doesn’t have toes.

  12. Louisa

    I’m with the group. I wish she were wearing a pretty black bra, but the most distracting thing is that her shoes make her look like she put her feet on backwards.

  13. Sajorina

    Remove outfit & Start over! FUG!!!

  14. anny

    She looks like the victim of a drive-by fugging by a rogue auf’d Project Runway contestant.

    In these cases it’s usually best to just avert your eyes. (Especially from the shoes. I think I’m going to have nightmares about those.)

  15. Jennifer E.

    I do think this is a do-over – partly because her pasty legs detract after you focus and stop looking at her nipple tape and terrible shoes. Is there no spray tan in England? (But she’s not IN England anymore.) Did Princess Kate buy up all the hose? My legs look this pasty, but I’m not being photographed umpteen-kajillion times at an EVENT. Next!

  16. Tamburlaine

    Because everything’s so black, it is difficult to see the detail. I’m not sure about the shoes, but I think this could be easily remedied by a black undergarment or some lining.

    At first sight I thought this was Morena Baccarin, because of the sleek hair and the strong lipstick. Hey, there are worse role models.

  17. Luna

    This is FUG, there is no point trying to unfug. Fug, fug, fug.

    • Lucille Austero

      My thoughts exactly, Luna. If there’s more than one thing wrong, it’s not an unfug, it’s a fug. And this is fug with a capital F, and that rhymes with … sadly, it rhymes with nothing that I can make work in this context.

  18. followimages

    She’s so beautiful! always with style ;) Check this out, http://www.followimages.com If you like fashion, blogs and photography, this is a perfect place for you! See & Share your photos with everyone, make your own advertisement and get your own statistics :) I hope you will like it, thanks for your time :)

  19. LindenLovesFashion

    Not one thing going right with this outfit. No, not one. Not hair, not make-up, not anything.

    And whatever-it-is going on with her left wrist makes me want to retire with a pitcher of marts until the pain of realizing JanMo could have afforded a stylist but apparently decided to imitate the heroines of Joe Bob Brigg’s late ‘MonsterVision’ has departed. Which it will not any time soon…

  20. Rachael

    This is full-on FUG and I hate it so much, that to fix it, I would throw her in the shower, make her wash her hair and face, and put on a new dress, and — most importantly, BURN those godforsaken shoes, because I never want to take the risk that make someone else’s legs looks so stumpy again. Seriously, it looks like she has a medical condition. Those are the devil’s shoes.

  21. LindenLovesFashion

    Rachael, you’re right.

    Those are the devil’s shoes.

    And his lipstick.

  22. Nancy

    She looks sort of like the Addicted to Love video (which is a very good thing to strive for) but with bad shoes and shiny (instead of merely loose) lady bumpy parts.

  23. Shoeniverse

    Those shoes make her legs look chunky and everything is super harsh. Shame, pretty girl, fab figure.

    ❀ #www.shoeniverse.info