Unfug It Up: Eva Mendes


unfug-it-up

This is great if you’re going to Easter brunch at the club with your grandmother, but otherwise, it’s giving me a toothache:

FIRST: Can we just sidebar and talk about how Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are still dating? How is that even happening? It seems like something that someone made up and we all just decided to nod and smile and wait it out, but it’s been AGES? I just can’t see them together. And I’ve never met either one of them, so you know I have a good grasp on this.

SECOND: Her dress. There’s SOMETHING here, right? We can do something about this….right? I would start by removing that lace bit across her clavicle. And then finish by making it into a romper. (Not really.) What would you do?

[Photos: Getty]

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Comments (88):

  1. Brooklyn
    +34

    Burn it!

    • qwertygirl
      +2

      Amen, Sister.

      • Rachael
        +5

        I was going to say the same thing, but I have an alternate solution: we could give it back to the 10 year old to whom it clearly belong, because it probably would make a charming Easter dress for someone in that age bracket (assuming proper tailoring, of course).

    • amanda
      +1

      exactly what i came here to say

  2. Feena Cray
    +29

    Kill it with fire.

    • Jamie
      +5

      Seriously, I feel like I’m being punked. This is two pouffy shoulders away from THE stereotypical bad bridesmaid dress.

  3. Carol
    +3

    I think if it was one bright color and was cocktail length, it would have some retro-appeal … tough to unfug, though …

    • Other Emily
      +4

      Yeah, it’s like there are ways I could see it being ok, but none of those ways are easily accomplished, so it’s better just to start over. Let’s pretend the shoes never ever happened.

      And the Gosling thing: weird. She’s gorgeous and so is he, but it does seem like an odd combo. Now that McAdams and Sheen are done (sniffle…), she should watch out.

  4. Lisa
    +5

    Burn it, twice.

  5. Cath
    +23

    she has a tendency to go for twee but it does not suit her AT ALL. she really looks best in kinda va-va-voom stuff, as long as it’s not too skanky. also it looks like peeps exploded all over her chest.

    • Alice
      +5

      I completely agree. I see her in more structured, Victoria Beckham-like styles and am always surprised when she wears girly items.

      • Guerra
        +2

        Exactly!! She’s naturally sexy (lucky!) so cute & twee on her look strange!

  6. Miranda
    +7

    It has a sheer panel on top. WHY?!?! It’s your Memaw as a figure skater!

  7. Ramona
    +29

    I’ve just mentally shrunken it and put it on my 3-year-old. And she looks adorable!

    • anny
      +9

      My sentiments exactly: Rip it off her, put on nearest 5-year-old girl, alter to fit, add Easter basket, send to church.

  8. witjunkie
    +3

    I hate pink with yellow, so I’m going to hate this anyway, plus it looks like it’s made out of that stretchy lace crap, so yeah, burn it. Or melt it, whatever it does.

    Wow – sorry. I mean it’s not that bad. But I really hate yellow + pink.

  9. linda
    +2

    The dress definitely has issues, but part of the toothache comes from the skittles back drop.

  10. gina
    +5

    I don’t get any of it. She’s a siren, right? – but this makes me think she might have a split personality and she woke up as Evie the 5-year-old, on her birthday. And what’s with the shoes? Total toothache.

  11. LT1
    +1

    I’d be okay with it if: make the top all yellow and line it with yellow, get rid of all the illusion netting (and collar); make the skirt part have the changing-color lace, line it really well and most important–add a belt.

  12. greatwhitenorthchick
    +13

    This dress is tacky. Looks like an Easter doily. And the shoes don’t go with it.

    I’m scratching my head about the Gosling/Mendes thing, too. I remember seeing a picture of them hiking somewhere…and she was wearing heels. I don’t know how they made it past that date. But what do I know?

  13. Lindsay
    +7

    Fill in the chest-hole and put it on a five-year-old. There is no way to make this wearable for a grown woman.

  14. Blair's Head Band
    +1

    #1. The shoes have to go. SO DARK for such a cheerful color combo.

    #2. The skirt should be fitted. More pencil skirt-ish. A closer silhouette might counteract the general 7 Year Old-ness of it.

    • Tiffany
      +2

      I so agree about the shoes. It is like she is trying to make us go insane by paring red velvet shoes with an Easter dress! How could anyone possibly think those two items go together? It has to be intentional.

    • Fiona K
      0

      Agree with Blair’s Head Band. Couldn’t have said it better.

  15. Tiffany
    +9

    I think the lace is far too precious to mix with those colors. All I see are Peeps.

  16. Chasmosaur
    0

    I feel like we’ve recently seen this dress in a solid color. Or maybe it’s just the whole sheer/lace thing overloading my memory.

  17. Fawn
    +7

    I say keep the lace skirt and completely replace the bodice – something simple on top. I think even just a plain cotton t-shirt and a belt with the lace skirt would be cute, or at least a vast improvement over what we have here.

  18. Naomi
    0

    I actually adore this. I think it’s beautiful. I would remove the neck strap and illusion netting, and, more importantly, change the shoes – they’re so out of place.

  19. Ines
    +1

    absolutly the wrong dress for her.
    but good for us … if every beautiful person would also dress great … frightening (and boring, too)

  20. Chris
    +1

    I think if it was all yellow instead of the pink flowers across her chest, and the collarbone piece was missing, it wouldn’t be horrible. The shoes could shine a lot more then … I like their color. Perhaps hitting her either at tea-length or mid-thigh would be better too.

  21. jen
    +6

    Yikes! I think my mom forced me to wear something similar on Easter when I was in the 5th grade and I was not happy about it!

    I can see her and Gosling. They’re both super hot and funny. It’s refreshing that he went for hot Latina and not edgy indie chick. :)

  22. Lynne
    +5

    Seconding Tiffany’s assertion that it looks like Peeps. And that has to be the crappiest cheapest 99 Cent Store tablecloth lace I have ever seen in dress form. But… uh… it fits? And she’s very pretty?

  23. M
    +2

    Put on anyone aged 5 and under. I think she’s also wearing nylons. UGH. It’s like a 75- and 5-year-old collaborated on an episode of Family Project Runway; Easter Edition. That’s the only way to explain the: sheer paneling, heavy make-up (a la Joan Crawford), nylons, shoes (they’re made w/ comfort memory foam) – those are G.ma’s contributions; the color, shape, material are all the G.daughter’s.

  24. ceecee
    0

    I like it but I’m a sucker for yellow. I don’t even hate on the sheer. The pink looks like she spilled strawberry Kool-aid across her chest. And those black pumps are too wintery for such a springy dress. So- make it all yellow and find some cuter shoes.

  25. Andrew S.
    +3

    This should be knee length on someone who is barely knee high

  26. Nanc in Ashland
    +3

    Hey, a dress with pockets! Pockets are good! If it were one color I would be OK with it as long as she fixed the fit. The waist is above her natural waist but below where an empire waist should fall. Get it back down to her natural waist and give it a crinoline for 50s retro (and pick one color) and I’d be on board because, pockets!

  27. AM
    +1

    I actually like it, but I don’t think that’s the best color(s) for her, and the yellow is hard for most people to wear. Also, maybe lighter shoes. But it’s far from the worst I’ve seen.

  28. theotherjennifer
    +1

    make a big hanky out of it. then blow my nose on it.

  29. Courtney
    +2

    My first reaction when I saw this (as it is whenever I see a photo of her) was to leave a comment questioning how she and Gosling are an item. And then I stopped myself because I felt catty, but then I scrolled down to the rest of the post and felt validated. Whew.

    That said, the more I look at it, the more I like the colors (not the styles) of the dress and shoes together. But I think she needs a little jacket in the color of the shoes to bring it all back down to earth. And to get rid of some of that lace. Ugh. The lace trend is one that cannot die soon enough.

  30. D
    0

    This does not fill me with rage. I think it could actually be nice if, as suggested, you got rid of the clavicle part, then keep going and ditch the sleeves as well.

    And then make the whole thing one colour, but not any of those easter colours. A different colour altogether.

  31. O
    +4

    Completely agree that Mendez/Gosling (Mosling?) is weird. But, I read that she’s not into marriage and doesn’t want children, so maybe that’s the Gosling connection — and perhaps the reason he and McAdams broke up. (Not speculating at all here, ’cause I totally know all three of them).

  32. Claire
    +2

    What’s the fuss here? Make it all yellow, no pink. Make it a simple v-neck rather than the sheer neck collar whateverness. Sell it at Anthropologie and call it a day. Badabing, badaboom.

  33. Janie
    +1

    I love the colors because they make me think of candy and I love candy. I think part of the problem is the waist is too high? That makes it feel more little girl to me. Like, it’s not empire waist, but it’s not exactly at the thinnest part of her waist, either. So, for me, lower the waist, and of course remove the crazy neck part and probably the sleeves, too.

  34. Mikki
    +2

    I have to agree this outfit makes her look rather matronly, and it should be thrown into the dumpster…the fact she may be wearing nylons is the least of her worries. I truly don’t get the hatred for wearing them, but then where I live, it’s winter half the bloody year so I’d freeze my lady parts off without them, or look all goosebumpy, which isn’t the effect one should aim for. I get that a lot of these women are in warmer climates, but sometimes legs look better with some sheer hosiery too.

  35. Edith
    +2

    Shrink it and give it to Quvenzhané Wallis as an Easter gown.

  36. KB
    +1

    Looks like a dress that would be more at home on Michelle Williams.

    Those shoes are all wrong with that dress. Too heavy, too dark.

    • buttercup
      0

      Was going to say this exact same thing. If this were on Michelle Williams or Zoey Deschanel, I’m not sure we’d be having this discussion.

      But I’m not sure how you Fug Girls made it through the review without mentioning THOSE SHOES!!!11!11!!!1 I…have no words.

  37. Lor
    +1

    Easter egg boobs. Ugh.

  38. Sallie T
    0

    Did she drop her stylist? She used to look pretty good in general (surprisingly so, given her track record of kind of crayy projects), often carrying off some really elegant classic looks, but lately…not so much. And agree with Cath (above) she sems to be going twee lately, which does not suit her at all. I know it’s rough out there — this season is just fraught with Paas colors and posies and ruffles and empire waists — but stay strong, Eva! Just say no to twee!

  39. McLisa
    +2

    I saw her and The Gos at Starbucks and their love is real which makes me cry. Also, she was wearing an equally ugly dress that day as she mixed the cream into his coffee – yes, she did. She seriously needs a stylist. Even for a Saturday out and about.

  40. Jennifer
    +1

    Hair up, lace choker cut, different non- heavy shoe.

  41. Sabrina
    0

    Cut off that neck bit, make the whole damn thing yellow, bring it up two inches, and pair it with some colorful, cute shoes, not those staid, black pumps.

  42. Fiona
    +4

    This is such a weird Scrolldown/Transmogrification fug.
    Like, her head says SUPER VAMPY SEX-BABE!
    Her bodice says dollhouse tablecloth
    Her skirt says kicky ironic 50s housewife
    Her legs say Fiona’s Grandmother, c. 1992

    I just don’t get the whole thing put TOGETHER.

  43. Ladyblahblah
    +2

    So maybe Gosling wants to take her home to meet the fam for Easter but told her she needs to tone down the sexy. This is her way of telling him to be careful what he wishes for. (Hey, it’s as plausible as any other reason to wear the costume of the Paas Easter Egg spokeswoman to an event.)

  44. Rachel
    0

    Not her best look. Yikes. Lose the weird lace choker thing, and dye the dress navy blue or something. Then put it on someone else.

  45. pantsonfire
    0

    Wow. A lot of hatred for this dress. I see potential. I like the mix of the different colored lace. I really, really dislike whatever the skirt is doing, though. It’s like a heavy lace curtain. And the waist seems to be hitting a little higher than the natural waist, which almost always bugs me. Hmm. I almost want to take the fabric from the top and turn it into a pencil skirt paired with a white tank, to tone down the girliness. Those shoes are an abomination.

    I agree with the other commenters that this extreme fem, romantic style doesn’t really suit her. She’s more aggressively sex pot. Sidenote: I saw her up close one time and she’s super gorgeous in person, but I don’t think she photographs well, here included.

  46. Livvie93
    0

    Give this to Elle Fanning!

  47. Claudia
    +1

    I would NEVER EVER wear it!
    I want Ryan though!

  48. sketchy
    +1

    Shrink it in the dryer then give it to a 5 year old, now so cute!

  49. Katie P
    0

    This is so bad–especially with the shoes–that I fear a desperate blogger slipped this in one of your feeds just so everyone would have something to talk about this week,

  50. Jen S. 2.0
    0

    Strapless, straighter skirt, and put it someone else.

  51. Amy
    0

    Hang it in my Grandma’s kitchen window where it belongs and buy her a new dress….

  52. Rina
    0

    I have to force myself past the cheaply twee appearance of that lace, but setting that aside, I think you could make it tolerable by creating a square neckline and wide straps rather than that mess of coverage up top. The illusion-over-sweetheart neckline has such an odd, wanna-be-bridal feel.

    The pink seems too random, so maybe if there was a more ombre appearance from the chalky pastel to pepto pink?

  53. Chrissy
    0

    It looks moldy. That’s my first thought. Just don’t like it.

  54. Hima
    +1

    That dress is hideous. I thought maybe it was JUST hideous on her, but I scrolled her head out of frame, and it’s still hideous. Then, I scrolled the dress out of the picture, and her head looked kind of weird too. So, maybe it’s me.

  55. Caroleena Stantonova
    +2

    I would accidentally set fire to it.

  56. Sajorina
    0

    That dress is FUGLY! But, the clutch & shoes are great, so just change the dress!

  57. Emma
    0

    Get rid of the lace across her neck and make it all yellow and it would be fine.

  58. lesli
    +1

    Team BURN! It’s hideous all the way around.

  59. male fan of GFY
    +2

    FYI, she is not wearing nylons / hosiery… I believe, however, that she is wearing a lot of leg makeup… thing is, it would be MUCH simpler, less messy, and less time consuming, to just slip on a pair of sheer matt hose!

    • Mongerel
      0

      Don’t lie. You just wanted to type “Matt hose.”

      • male fan of GFY
        0

        She seriously is not wearing any nylons. If you blow up the pic to full size, and look at the “toe cleavage”, you can easily tell. She’s obviously put makeup on her legs.

  60. Lori
    0

    Make it all one color (maybe the dark pink) and strapless. Add a wide belt. Tailor the skirt to a pencil. Replace the shoes with something metallic.

  61. Dee
    0

    I’d bleach the hell out of that pink mold that seems to be taking over the top. Then, I’d probably have to dye the whole thing another color as that acidy yellow-green is very rarely attractive on anyone. Robins Egg Blue, perhaps…or a teal? That would still feel like Spring without being overly saccharine (which is, I assume, what attracked the mold in the first place.)

  62. Jen
    0

    Rip off the sleeves, take up the hem and put it on Michelle Williams. Whilst we’re there we should give her Ryan Gosling’s number as well…

  63. alice
    +1

    At first I thought her boobs had their period, but now I think it’s more like she just ate a giant strawberry icecream with the same skill as an 8 month old baby.

  64. mj
    0

    1. Lose the stockings (i’m assuming those are stockings and she doesn’t have some weird matte lotion on her gams)

    2. Get rid of my prom shoes from 1989 and put on some barely-there strappy high heeled sandals

    3. Put your hair up in a messy but simple updo

    4. Lose the sparkly purse and PUT YOUR LIPGLOSS IN RYAN GOSLING’S POCKET AND BRING HIM YOU FOOL.

    • male fan of GFY
      0

      She is not wearing any nylons. If you blow up the pic to full size, and look at the “toe cleavage”, you can easily tell. She’s put makeup on her legs.

      • mj
        0

        That’s even worse. Who in their right mind makes their legs MORE PALE?
        That’s it – the Gosling has driven her nutz.

  65. Lily1214
    0

    Oh no. This is so unflattering – it looks like Easter Sunday, 1956

  66. rainy
    0

    make all the pink flowers yellow. shorten the sleeves to cap and change the shoes out for some strappy sandals in a bright color. totally cute garden party ensemble!

  67. rainy
    0

    oh, and also change the hair to a high pony or top knot.