Fug File: Fug Madness 2011

Fug Madness 2011: One Fugging Winner, One Fugging Moment


There were a lot of tense matchups this year in Fug Madness, and a few that came down to a couple hundred votes or less, with a whole host of Cinderellas and surprise results. But the one person who never truly struggled this entire time is the person you Fug Nation, picked as your winner. She offed matted, sweaty Ke$ha, cranky and blurry Lindsay Lohan, pretty yet kooky Diane Kruger, tragic princess Jessica Simpson, and, ultimately, taste-impaired Mischa Barton. That’s right, the majority of you have spoken out in favor of this person:

Congratulations, Taylor Momsen. Whether this year of fug was your crowning achievement, or this was one of those secret Lifetime Achievement Awards — like when people win Oscars simply because they lost them a bunch of other times for roles they were better in — it does, in the end, somehow seem perfectly right that you should join our pantheon of winners. Because few people have so flagrantly and deliberately adopted such a seedy array of fuggery in the name of thinking you are a totally awesome and hot badass. Few people, in loudly flouting the idea of being a role model, have revealed so deep a craving to be one (or possibly have one). Few people have had to have their crotches censored by a Fug orb. Few people deserve this as you do.

And now, for my personal favorite part: Our montage of photos where we remember The Tournament That Was, set to the musical fromage that the NCAA itself uses to commemorate its games. Sorry, dearly departed Luther Vandross, but the original version of this song is still the most magnificent.

I hear the opening chords in my sleep

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Fug Madness 2011: The Final Game


final game

(1) TAYLOR MOMSEN vs. (6) MISCHA BARTON

AT LAST THERE ARE TWO. Two blondes. Two child actors turned teen-drama centerpieces. Two girls whose Get-A-Grip friends seem to have gone on permanent hiatus. Two women who have trampled over the likes of Rihanna, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus, and the combined power of both the Olsen twins and Will Smith’s entire family to make it here to the big dance, the whole sandwich, the one for all the marbles. Are you ready, Fug Nation, to cast your vote and choose which of these two Princesses of WTFery and frequent Oh Honey No recipients most deserves the crown of  Fug Madness Champion? Choose wisely — check out Taylor’s and Mischa’s archives if you need to — and remember, only their efforts from the past year (essentially, from Oscars 2010 to Oscars 2011) are eligible.  Think long, think hard, study the examples in the slideshow and carefully CAST YOUR VOTE:

Whose fug reigns supreme?

  • Taylor Momsen (58%, 7,882 Votes)
  • Mischa Barton (42%, 5,717 Votes)

Total Voters: 13,569

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Fug Madness 2011: Final Game Preview


Are you ready to get crazy? Have you been exercising your voting finger? Have you been waking up at night, wondering who is actually going to take this year’s Fug Madness title, and if it’s who you think it is, what will you do with all the money you’ve won in your office pool? Are you prepared for this year’s FINAL GAME? Hope so, because it’s a doozy:

(1) TAYLOR MOMSEN v. (6) MISCHA BARTON

Is this what happens to a girl when her stint on a teen drama goes way south? It is this year. Both Taylor and Mischa sailed into their final games in a walk — er, that’s a confusing transportation metaphor if I ever wrote one, but that’s okay — over majorly tough opponents (Miley Cyrus and Lady “Meat Dress” Gaga, respectively). If I may play Color Commentator for a moment (pretend I’m Seth Davis, my personal longtime favorite. He’s so dreamy!), I think this one could get VERY VERY CLOSE.

Hope you’re ready.

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Fug Madness 2011: Final Four, Game Two


(1) LADY GAGA vs. (6) MISCHA BARTON

This matchup really encapsulates the battle of two different fugs — and yet I contend they’re not actually that different after all. Yes, Mischa probably thinks she looks good in all her clothes, without an accompanying statement. But just because Lady Gaga barfs up a lofty reason for all her attention-whoring — namely, that it’s art — it doesn’t mean she doesn’t also think she looks really awesome. In fact, I’d venture that she for sure thinks she is rocking our world. To me, the bottom line is, fug is fug is fug, whether you’re wearing it because you think it’s art or because you think it’s artful. But that’s just my opinion, and I always enjoy when our readers duke out their points of view in the comments. This should be a brisk debate. Bring it, Fug Nation. Certainly these two deserve whatever you sling at them about their outfits.

I think one big reason Gaga ultimately downed Nicki Minaj is how damn dour she is. Nicki’s cheerful craziness elevates some of her hideous clothes into something I can feel affection for, whereas Gaga just seems like she’s having a miserable time.

And who can blame her? She’s in Milan, spending all her time dressed as a dominatrix bride. I’m sure that’s not fun to do, nor to be around — I mean, would you want to hang out with this person? It’s like, “Oh, great, Gaga has to use the bathroom. We’re not getting out of here for another half-hour AND she’s going to need me to buckle her panties.”

I’m not sure I’d want to hang out with this, either:

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Fug Madness 2011 Final Four: Game One


(1) TAYLOR MOMSEN v. (2) MILEY CYRUS

This is going to be a tough one, y’all, so put on your seats belts.  Taylor Momsen’s archives are vast and deep and shocking; Miley’s archives have a horrifying and compelling power all their own. Both fancy themselves singer/actresses; both are, apparently, nudity-enthusiasts. Both were famous as children. Both have had Fug Nation clutching its collective pearls. Both worked REALLY REALLY hard to get here.

Let’s do this:

Right back atcha, honey. Although I’m not sure that gesture means anything. I certainly don’t think it means what you think it means, unless what you think it means is, “FINGER GUNS UP!”

And who KNOWS what this means?

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Fug Madness 2011: Your Final Four


We’ve had a lot of close games, and a lot of surprisingly NOT close ones, and yet — as with every Fug Madness — we’ve ended up with a Final Four that richly deserves to be here. On our bracket we said we’d do one game Thursday and one on Friday, but we lied — we’re going to play them both on Thursday, to give people more time to vote before the finals on Monday.

First up:

(1) TAYLOR MOMSEN vs. (2) MILEY CYRUS

This feels right. Taylor — who has dominated almost every single game so far — got her toughest challenge yet from Ke$ha, but she still snagged the 53 percent of the vote she needed to continue.  Meanwhile, Miley ended Jessica Simpson’s best-ever Fug Madness run by capturing 63 percent of the vote. Much like this year’s final four in basketball, this feels like the marquee matchup of all three that are left (including the final), to the point where you wish the randomizer had dumped them in different halves of the bracket. Alas!

(1) LADY GAGA vs. (6) MISCHA BARTON

In the end, after I accidentally eliminated her prematurely, Gaga almost got knocked out for real — but not quite. It was close all day between her and Nicki Minaj, with about 100 votes separating them, until finally Gaga pulled away and won it by a margin of about 300 votes. Our other top seed on this half of the bracket, Rihanna, could not stand up to Mischa’s year of fuggery, and Ms. Barton advanced with a two-thirds majority.

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