(1) TAYLOR MOMSEN v. (2) MILEY CYRUS
This is going to be a tough one, y’all, so put on your seats belts. Taylor Momsen’s archives are vast and deep and shocking; Miley’s archives have a horrifying and compelling power all their own. Both fancy themselves singer/actresses; both are, apparently, nudity-enthusiasts. Both were famous as children. Both have had Fug Nation clutching its collective pearls. Both worked REALLY REALLY hard to get here.
Let’s do this:
Right back atcha, honey. Although I’m not sure that gesture means anything. I certainly don’t think it means what you think it means, unless what you think it means is, “FINGER GUNS UP!”
I think it means, “today’s outing to David’s Bridal just got REALLY WEIRD.”
This clearly means….
Wow. Actually, I have no idea. “That two for one on cargo shorts at Old Navy took a strange turn,” perhaps, or “why did I come out of that Bridal Shower Toilet Paper Game wearing THIS?” or “how is it possible that all these people decided it would be a good idea to writhe around behind Miley Cyrus for a summer?” or “why does the universe hate me? I’ve been looking at so many Celebrity Crotches this week, and it’s only….I don’t even know what day it is. Thursday. Right? Oh God.”
I think we’re all confused by this as well:
I wanted a bathing suit with cut-outs and rings like that when I was in 8th grade and my mother refused. (She was right.) At least Miley won’t end up with a hideous suntan from this one….right? I’m just trying to think positive. And to avoid mentioning that those shoes look like she opened them with a can opener.
And that she WON’T STOP WEARING THEM. Why won’t those nice back-up dancers that she stole from the Gap DO SOMETHING about this? Step in, boys! At least smuggle the poor girl a cardigan.
NOTE: NOT a cardigan made of birds. Normally, I’d feel like I don’t have to specify that, but…well. Look around.
God Save the Queen. We’re really sorry, England. We can’t control her. I mean, OBVIOUSLY.
Speaking of someone who, to use Miley’s lyrics against them both, also can not be tamed:
I love how the dudes in The Pretty Reckless are all, “LOOK AWAY.” Don’t you think they get together at nights in the pub and talk about how AWKWARD their job is? “Will she ever wear pants, dude?” “I don’t know, dude.” “I feel so weird about this job, dude.” “I know, dude.” “Paying the bills.” “Paying the bills, dude.” “I need another drink.”
With John Galliano, in a picture the likes of which I suspect many celebrities are currently destroying. Hey, she may never wear pants, but at least she isn’t on record as being a fan of Hitler! LET’S TAKE THE POSITIVES WHEN WE CAN!
Whose fug reigns supreme?
- Miley Cyrus (28%, 3,762 Votes)
- Taylor Momsen (72%, 9,630 Votes)
Total Voters: 13,373