(1) LADY GAGA vs. (5) PAZ DE LA HUERTA

You know, something about this coupling seems right.

Poor Paz. After seeing this photo, it’s no wonder she just got booked for a drunken bar brawl. Any regular visitor to this site will not be unfamiliar with combination of questionably sober facial expressions and questionably sober clothing choices. Like, say, this one:

Why, yes, those DO appear to be pants that are half-tights. She is Paz de la Hose-ta.

She is also Paz de la Hair-ta:

If this photo hadn’t been dated from the Boardwalk Empire premiere in 2010, I’d have sworn this would turn out to be a Glamour Shot that Paz took at the mall ten years ago with aspirations of becoming a model.

This one can be Pose de la Huerta.

If I were ten years old, I’d call her Paz de la Huertatas, but I’m not. So I won’t. Instead I will call her Posture de la Hunchta.

Ooh, and whatever’s going on up there with her right boob? Piece de la Hurta.

And how about her competition, Lady Gaga? She’s no stranger to looking a mess, either:

We’re so accustomed to seeing Lady G all spit-shined and polished and buffed to an eggy shine, it’s nice to know that sometimes her hair looks as crappy as mine does. And then the rest of the time, of course, she looks like this:

In some ways I think Paz will be upset she didn’t think of this first. All Gaga is doing is standing there, afraid to move. Paz would contort that sucker all up and down the carpet. But we all know about the stage costumes, and meat dresses, and the Yankee game panties, and crazy Marie Antoinette costumes and Hannibal Lecter masks. For the rest of this post, let’s highlight what Gaga wears during that most mundane of activities: air travel.

Oh, Charlie Brown. This isn’t going to help you kick that football… but it MIGHT help you kick Lucy’s ass.

And of course, my personal favorite flying outfit, a floor-length tutu, a bra, and a smoking jacket. And those shoes are mega. No wonder she has a death grip on her escort’s arm. Can you imagine if she fell?

Oh, wait:

Timberrrrr!

We can laugh, because she was fine. And also, because she wore ELEVENTY-INCH PLATFORM BOOTS to walk through an airport. And also because can you imagine how hard that kid behind her dropped all her stuff so she could IMMEDIATELY Twitpic’d this to all her friends? Oh, Gaga. You reap what you sow, and what you have sown, my dear, are our crops of GLEE at seeing you be forced to admit you are human.

So, clearly, these two women are their own flavors of crazy. The question is, which tastes most strongly of the fug?

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