Droopily Played: Princess Charlene

First of all, while the body language in this photo is alarming at best, I must sound the Alarm of Full Disclosure and tell you that I believe the photographer cut out two people on Charlene’s left, so she is perhaps not leaning AWAY from Albert with loathing as much as she is leaning INTO them, or perhaps is doing that thing where you try to get out of the picture frame. Regardless, there is no way even the gushiest tabloid would ever call these two LOVED UP:

And frankly, I would want to flee the country just for the simple fact that they let me leave the house in that.

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Comments (41):

  1. kim

    you know, in every photo i see of her, it looks like … she doesn’t speak. like she just makes sounds, little whiny noises that sort of escape her without her bidding. here she’s going, “ehhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.”

    • r2d2

      Haha, perfect describtion. I can totally hear that now when I look at that pic again.

  2. glee

    OMG, they made her into an Avox after she tried to flee before the wedding.

  3. Cranky Old Batt

    Okay, her body language is disturbing. Victim of abuse red flags flying high and mighty.

    As to her, er, pantsuit(?) That is a whole different kind of disturbing. I love this color. For a little girl’s spring dress or a big girls feminine blouse, but this is MOB. Yech.

  4. Claire L1

    She so has that squeeged out “please don’t touch me” look.

  5. val.

    She looks like she’s being restrained by her top.

  6. Leah

    Is she in costume as a soothing lady-razor of some sort?

    • Eliza Bennett

      HAHA oh my. Princess Charlene definitely has a moisturizing lotion strip around her blades.

      • Edith

        This is my most favorite thing ever in the comments. She looks EXACTLY like a human Venus Breeze, or somesuch. Perfect perfect PERFECT description.

  7. Eliza Bennett

    What.in. the eff. is this madness. That is the most depressing outfit ever and it’s in a color. That takes talent.

  8. amy

    If it didn’t have that thing squeezing her boobs, then I think the color alone could redeem it.

    He keeps such a creepy smile on his face, like he knows she can’t escape and is enjoying the situation. And I don’t think I’m imagining it, because I’ve felt the same way about KH and TC for at least the past 3 years, and we know how THAT turned out.

    • Jules

      I hope that now her divorce is settled, Katie H leads a commando mission to liberate this woman under cover of night, armed only with her cheekbones and a platoon of lawyers.

  9. Gigi

    That “shawl” reminds me of the big rubber bands they put around lobsters’ claws to keep them from biting. Did Albie throw that over her head to make her go with him to this event? She needs to take a page out of the Katie Holmes How To Divorce a Cretin Weirdo Handbook. They’ve just signed the divorce papers! (start checking your brakes, anyhoo, Katie. You can never be too sure.)

    Otherwise the outfit looks like one of those pantsuit thinggies from my gramma’s The Tog Shop catalog.

    Psst, Charlene, closed toe shoes next time, hon.

  10. Sandra

    The color is pretty.

    • EngProf

      . . . and I think the outfit looks chic and mainly because the construction is interesting. The strong horizontal is making the pants seem part of the design of the thing and not simply a bad alternative to a skirt.

      But this is apparently a minority view.

      • Libby

        I feel similarly. But am glad someone articulated it so well!

        • Shiitake

          Without the breast binding cloth I think the tunic and pants would have been striking.

  11. Kara

    My God. In every photo of her, her face ranges from “slightly uncomfortable” to “downright miserable” to “OMG when I see a chance I am RUNNING.”

  12. annie

    So happy to see her in color, so sad to see her in a straight jacket. While not being attractive this outfit has the added negative of not being appropriate. This was for a welcoming ceremony to a state visit to Germany. I do wish this lovely lady could figure out how to dress her shoulders. She’s said that Lagerfeld and St. Laurent have taken her under their fashion wings. I can’t tell how they’ve helped her.

  13. LadyB

    Oh, Lord. It’s pants.

  14. Mo

    Think the color of this is a coded statement: “OMG, I’m so blue, you guys.”

    How I’d love to see her run away to a secret love nest with Prince Harry with plenty of ensuing juicy scandal. Although I also like the idea of a rescue by Katie Holmes and her fierce lawyers.

  15. Carolina Girl

    OMG. It really does look as if he’s trying to bind her using left over fabric. But at least he’s binding her with color.

  16. Helen

    Is it crazy that now I’ve noticed it, all I can see is how one nipple is pushed up and the other is pushed down by this bunchy fabric?

    • anny

      Yeah, the nips akimbo aren’t helping at all, are they?

      • Amberoni13

        Nips Akimbo is the new name of my girl band. We will be like The Donnas, but will dress in ill-fitting tops and arrange our boobs to face opposite directions. We will be talented, but ultimately passed over for awards because people will be distracted from our talent by our… NIPS AKIMBO!

  17. coexxi

    The blue would be nice with her coloring but the suit is not flattering at all. Also the accessoire on the left doesn’t help…

  18. Bruin FugFan

    The color is lovely, but she looks like a chair at Design Within Reach.

  19. Eli

    That is something straight out of a Judith Krantz miniseries, methinks…if it were paired with a giant hat.

  20. Sally

    Maybe Charlene could get some tips from Katie Holmes on how to escape.

  21. vandalfan

    Without the wrap, it’s a lovely, understated sleeveless tunic over a delightful maxi skirt. It could have been fancied up with a statement necklace, or soft scarf. But with that wrap, I’m sorry, she just looks:


  22. Becky

    Bizarrely, one of our crappier, housewife-centric mags IS sitting on the “loved up” side of the fence:


    Oh yes, “it seems the blonde princess has finally found her fairytale ending” is TOTALLY how I read their body language!

  23. Jules

    I don’t think it’s that bad.
    Bland but not scandalous, kind of like the suit next to her.
    I think she just needs a HUGE HAT. Surely there must be a hat somewhere.

  24. pam

    I wish she would spend a few days with the Williams sisters so that she could learn to love her tall, athletic build. In photos it looks like she is always trying to disappear. Venus and Serena could teach her a thing or two about owning her space and smiling for the cameras.

  25. coco

    that is just really weird and yes their pix together either look like he’s about to whoop her…u know or that he’s happy cause he just got done whooping her…so sad…

  26. johnnycakes

    Yup. All I can see are those nips akimbo

  27. Kendra

    I feel uncomfortable just looking at them.

  28. Patrick

    Please find out who designed this ensemble. It looks like the sort of outfit that was meant for the runway, for effect, rather than to be actually worn in real life.