Fugger: Natalie Portman

Fugs and Fabs: The Dior/Guggenheim Event


Remember when I couldn’t figure out why Natalie Portman’s face looked slightly different? Well, I saw a before-and-after in Us Weekly (I think) about how she changed the arch of her eyebrows, and I think that really is what I was noticing. Never let it be said that print magazines have nothing left to teach us.

[Photos: Splash, Getty]

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Thor: The Dark Fugld


Natalie had been on a great run with Dior, but sadly, the ride goeth before a fall.

She could not have picked a more unflattering lampshade. Maybe she’s terribly bored now that both Kerry Washington and Drew Barrymore are officially pregnant, so she’s trying to stir up more Uterine Secret mumblings for the sake of the bloggers. You are so thoughtful, Natalie. We didn’t get you anything. But I have a few t-shirts that might look better than your top; one of them has George Michael on it. From the Wham days. I’m open to sharing.

Let’s also discuss this:

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Well Played, Thor Threesome


Tonight, on The Thor 2: Thor Strikes Again (GET IT?!) Press Tour: Hiddles, Portsy, and Hems hit Germany for vests and velvet.

[Photos: WENN]

 

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Well Played, Natalie Portman


In a twist that shocks no one, Natalie Portman went with Dior again for the French Thor 2: Bonjthor premiere.

And it’s very, very pretty. She and Nicole Kidman — I’m still on a contact high just from rediscovering that Cannes photo from May — really know how to shop the Dior offerings. I also like that the shoes have a whiff of the ballroom about them, as if she might soon be swept away by her balletic plus-one and then vigorously paso doble’d and dipped.

Oh, and because I love you:

Twiddle the Hiddle

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Well Played, Natalie Portman


I keep forgetting that Natalie Portman is in Thor 2: Thor in the City, or whatever it’s called — probably because, for some reason, I never saw Thor I: Original Thor, and ergo I never really absorbed that she was part of that universe. I was discussing this with Fug Friend Carrie the other night, and she pointed out that there’s a whole bit in The Avengers where Thor is all, “yeah, I left Natalie Portman at home because she had a souffle she had to keep an eye on” (I’m paraphrasing) and I even forgot that. Sorry, Natalie. Does it help if I point out that you look fabulous?

[Photos: WENN]

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Fug the Cover: Natalie Portman on “Marie Claire”


I was really confused for a second as to why Natalie Portman was popping up on a bunch of magazine covers this month, until I realized Thor 2: Mhor Thor is coming out in November instead of during the summer. Which means the Fug Gods will soon bless us with a bunch of her premiere dresses, so I’d best remember to find a candle with Karl Lagerfeld’s face on it and light it, and offer up the sacrifice of a peanut-butter sandwich, or whatever.

However:

“She’s back — and sexier than ever.” Come on — are you Marie Claire, or Maxim Claire?

And unfortuntely, much like on UK Elle, Natalie looks joyless. This one is at least a smidgen less dead-eyed, but then again, the life in there looks more like she’s wearing those coffee-gold Twilight contact lenses that indicate she’s recently supped on the blood of an animal and will not need to take a hit off your jugular today. The standout WTF moment here, though, is clearly the outfit. I have no idea what’s happening. I don’t speak Crackball. I do suspect that massive piece of elastic is NOT all that sexy. As for the rest, it’s a great neck that devolves into the bastard offspring of the boozy orgy between a very horny, aggressive Infinite Dress, drunk on shandies, a houndstooth skirt that has just lost some weight and doesn’t know its own alcohol tolerance anymore, and a poncho that’s just happy to be invited.

Here’s a better shot from inside the issue:

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