Natalie Portman got Schiaparelli to whip her up something interesting for this big party, and all Julianne Moore did was special-order a red satin sack? What is she, Santa? No. This is ACADEMY AWARD WINNER JULIANNE MOORE. This is only okay if the other option was, “She has to go naked because every local store is closed and her closet got sucked into the Earth’s crust and none of her celebrity friends have anything to lend her and all the cell phones have run out of battery and her sheets are in the wash and there was no hay we could steal to weave into a gown and whoops the event started ten minutes ago and none of her throw rugs will stay fastened around her body and she doesn’t own curtains.” DEMAND MORE, MOORE.