Fugger: Kristen Stewart

Well Played The Cover: Kristen Stewart on Marie Claire, March 2014


I think this cover is pretty compelling, and not just because whatever she’s wearing seems like it might be AMAZING:

Her hair is distractingly great here — whether or not it’s technically Bombshell Bedhead Hair, I guess I shall have to read the magazine to find out.  And while this expression is one that could easily slide into Totally Stoned, I think she’s managing to stop it right at the line of Smoldering and Sultry, which is not such an easy trick. Speaking of stoned, though, I would love to know if they intentionally treated the font on “Why Women Are High On a Trippy New Drug” so that it makes me feel like I’m high every time I try to read it. I hope so, or else the answer is just, “you’re not high, but you are OLD.”  And I already knew that.

[Photo: Tesh/Marie Claire]

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Twilight: Breaking Fug


This is amazing. I cannot stop laughing. I have MISSED YOU, Kristen Stewart:

I have missed you, and I am so thrilled that when the kind folks at Chanel decided to see if YOU would be the celeb who would agree to wear drawstring waisted, wide-legged leather pants that look like something we’d see in the background of a terrible 80s movie about Jazzercise playing on Lifetime in the 3:15am slot, you did not let them down, and in fact you did not back out of being Karl’s new muse when you saw this. I’m likewise pleased as the proverbial punch that the classic “Does This Outfit Make My Ass Look Big?” sweater-around-the-bum look (seen in the terrible early 90s movie about stalkers seen on Lifetime in the 6:30am slot) has come back, because sometimes you DO want to know where you can stick your cardigan when you get too hot walking home from the market. Now I just can wrap it around my tuchas and call it “fashion” again, just like we did at my hyper-unfashionable girls school back in 199muttermumble. Don’t look so terrifically cranky, darling. You’ve just done a huge favor for those of us who love layers, and you know those pants are working hard at sweating off any Thanksgiving weight for you. Everything’s coming up K. Stew!

[Photo: Getty]

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Breaking Fug


I mean, I suppose it’s possible that she’s just doing this to ruin my life.

OR HER OWN. Because it’s hard to understand otherwise why someone like Kristen Stewart — whose public image is of a sort of disaffected, slouchy cool girl — would wake up one morning and think, “you know who I ought to dress like more often? J LO!!!!!!”

Clothes say something about the person wearing them. Sometimes they say, “I didn’t really care about what I was wearing today.” Sometimes they say, “look at me!” Sometimes they say, “I am too cool to bow to your CONFORMIST IDEALS OF BEAUTY.” Sometimes they say, “I like sparkly things” or “my husband’s in line to inherit the throne so I can’t be too crazy” or “Hey, I just attacked that dude with my umbrella.” And this says a lot of things, but few of them seem to be something that an actor like Kristen would want to say at what is essentially a PR event for her, up to and including, “I’ll wear an ABSURD outfit for money/attention.” I mean, when she sported this HEINOUS MONSTROSITY at the very least you could assume it was a statement along the lines of, “I will not dress like a depressed cloistered nun just because I made out with a dude who is not my boyfriend” and I can sign off on that if nothing else. But this? Oh honey no.

It ain’t too hot from the back, either:

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Fugs and Fabs at the Chanel Show


This message brought to you by my caps lock key: RIHANNA. THOSE ARE NOT CLOTHES. YOU LOOK LIKE A DISCOUNT MISS HANNIGAN. AND MISS HANNIGAN WAS ALREADY ON PRETTY DEEP SALE IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

[Photos: Getty]

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Pantalunacy


I feel like one of those hackneyed crocheted signs hanging in people’s grandparents’ doorways: “Bless this mess.” For these are indeed a blessed mess, and THANK GOD for that, because messes are the bread and butter of GFY (well, actually, bread and butter are our bread and butter, but you get the gist). I debated giving you three guesses who was responsible for this crotch-maiming blooming mess, but you likely wouldn’t have needed two of them, because the Essence of Stella is practically oozing from its lace windows.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs, Fabs, and Fines of Coachella, Weekend One


Dear Coachella,

Thank you for bringing the crazy. Never leave us.

Love,

People Who Love The Crazy

[Photos: Getty, WENN, Pacific Coast News, Splash, and Fame/Flynet]

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