Fugger: Kristen Stewart

What the Fug: Kristen Stewart in Chanel, Part 2

You saw what she wore to arrive at the Chanel show today, but have you seen what she wore to leave? (Do not ask me why she’s changing clothes to leave a venue: I can only assume she wanted to be wearing this and not her mesh harem pants when she arrived at her next event, which is, actually, totally fair.)

That hat and the glasses are so Madonna Circa 1986 that I can’t even be that mad. Well, I’m mad at the pants — I swear to you those too once lived on a sale rack at Contempo Casuals, way Back in the Day, and I was mad at them then, too — but her head feels too Desperately Seeking Susan for real rage.

[Photo: AKM/GSI]


What the Fug: Kristen Stewart in Chanel

You’ve done it again, Kristen and Karl. You are a dynamically, dismally deranged duo. Although, I must be honest: I get a tremendous kick out of this asshattery, more than I do the continued Diormat Jennifer Lawrence, because I feel that Kristen Stewart knows exactly what she’s doing and how people are going to react to it, and is enjoying it tremendously.

[Photos: Splash]


Cannes Fugs and Fabs: Kristen Stewart and Chloe Grace Moretz in Chanel, plus Juliette Binoche

Cannes is like, “Kim WHOdashian? We’re busy with real things.”

[Photos: Getty]


Met Gala Unfug It Up Carpet: Kristen Stewart in Chanel

I am enjoying the red hair on her for now:

Heather and I had a conversation yesterday wherein we decided that if you could just shave off the shower curtain from the bottom of this thing, and then beam her into the MTV Movie Awards, we’d been in business.

Let’s take a look at the back before we really get into this:

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Well Played The Cover: Kristen Stewart on Marie Claire, March 2014

I think this cover is pretty compelling, and not just because whatever she’s wearing seems like it might be AMAZING:

Her hair is distractingly great here — whether or not it’s technically Bombshell Bedhead Hair, I guess I shall have to read the magazine to find out.  And while this expression is one that could easily slide into Totally Stoned, I think she’s managing to stop it right at the line of Smoldering and Sultry, which is not such an easy trick. Speaking of stoned, though, I would love to know if they intentionally treated the font on “Why Women Are High On a Trippy New Drug” so that it makes me feel like I’m high every time I try to read it. I hope so, or else the answer is just, “you’re not high, but you are OLD.”  And I already knew that.

[Photo: Tesh/Marie Claire]


Twilight: Breaking Fug

This is amazing. I cannot stop laughing. I have MISSED YOU, Kristen Stewart:

I have missed you, and I am so thrilled that when the kind folks at Chanel decided to see if YOU would be the celeb who would agree to wear drawstring waisted, wide-legged leather pants that look like something we’d see in the background of a terrible 80s movie about Jazzercise playing on Lifetime in the 3:15am slot, you did not let them down, and in fact you did not back out of being Karl’s new muse when you saw this. I’m likewise pleased as the proverbial punch that the classic “Does This Outfit Make My Ass Look Big?” sweater-around-the-bum look (seen in the terrible early 90s movie about stalkers seen on Lifetime in the 6:30am slot) has come back, because sometimes you DO want to know where you can stick your cardigan when you get too hot walking home from the market. Now I just can wrap it around my tuchas and call it “fashion” again, just like we did at my hyper-unfashionable girls school back in 199muttermumble. Don’t look so terrifically cranky, darling. You’ve just done a huge favor for those of us who love layers, and you know those pants are working hard at sweating off any Thanksgiving weight for you. Everything’s coming up K. Stew!

[Photo: Getty]