Fugger: Kim Kardashian

GQ Woman of the Fug: Kim Kardashian in Ralph & Russo


“THANK YOU, GQ, WISE BESTOWERS OF STATUES, FOR SEEING WHAT’S TRUE WHICH IS THAT MY BOO IS THE DOPEST VIEW, THE TOTAL CHEESE FONDUE, THE KOALA’S BAMBOO, THE STRONGEST HOME BREW, HOTTER THEN EVERY BRITISH HUGH, NOT JUST DINNER BUT THE WHOLE MENU. SHE WHIPPED UP SOMETHING SPECIAL, SOMETHING WITH POP: SHE TOOK HAUTE COUTURE AND CUT OFF THE TOP AND PUT A LEATHER PROP UNDER HER GIFT SHOP, THE WHISTLE TO MY STOP, MY FAVORITE PLACE TO FLOP. SHE’S SICKER THAN NUTELLA, ALL SPLASH MEETS BARBARELLA EXCEPT WITH A DOPE-ASS FELLA WHOSE MATCHING CLEAVAGE IS BLAZIN-HELLA (BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M HAPPY FOR KIM AND I’MMA LET HER FINISH BUT SHE SHOULD’VE WORN GIVENCHY BECAUSE MY MAN RICCARDO TISCI CAN TURN PLAIN UGLY INTO HISTORY BUT YOU DIDN’T HEAR THAT FROM ME).  OH LOOK SOMEONE’S CALLING MY PHONE MACHINE. HEY THERE, JAY-Z, HOW THE HELL’VE YOU BEEN? OH YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN THE LATRINE? IS YOUR ANTI-KIM SMUG MIEN TURNING BOTTLE-GREEN BECAUSE IT’S SO OBSCENE THAT WE’RE STILL WICKED KEEN? YEAH, SUCK ON THAT, JEANINE, THAT’LL TEACH YOU TO BLOW OFF OUR WEDDING AFTER WE’VE CARVED YOUR NAMES INTO THE DAMN GOLD TABLE. I MEAN REALLY. WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY. SHEESH.”

[PHOTOS: GETTY, SPLASH]

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VMAs Fug Carpet: Kim Kardashian and the Jenners


Sometimes it looks like Kim really struggles to remember what all her face muscles can do.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty]

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Casual Fuggerday: Kim Kardashian


Oh, did we not mention that Kim Kardashian wore the WORLD’S WORST JUMPSUIT last week?

Kim Kardashian Jumpsuit

We were just waiting until you’d had that Saturday morning Bloody Mary first. Because you’re going to need it.

[Photo: Getty]

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WTF: Kim Kardashian


Can I confess something to you? I think she looks fantastic from the neck up:

From the neck down, I assume she’s gunning hard for a Spanx endorsement, given that she is now leaving the house clad only in the shapewear and shapewear-adjacent. Did Kanye have a religious experience in the Nordstrom ladies’ underpinnings department last weekend? If only it had been in the cafe. She could be wearing a bear claw right now.

[Photo: AKM/GSI]

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Fugging Fug Fug the Fug Fugshifugs: Kim Kardashian


She just WILL NOT help herself.

Kim Kardashian

Stick that with a black shirt that DOESN’T fetishize her nipples and some black shoes, and I’d probably be saying, “Damn, that almost looks professional.” But instead, she’s essentially wearing Braille. You know, Kimye, when you two complain that nobody takes the Kim half seriously, MAYBE THIS IS WHY.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug, Fines, and WTF: Various Kardashian/Jenner Offspring


I don’t know how Kim has not figured out that tight skirts with horizontal patterns across her hips do NOT do for her what she thinks they do.

Kylie Jenner, Kendall Jenner, Kim Kardashian, Teen Choice Awards

But I mean, apart from looking like something you could buy on The Sims for your bangin’ bachelor pad, Kim actually is not the problem here. Nor is Kylie. No, it’s Kendall who needs a Get-a-Grip Friend to tell her she looks like she’s wearing rotting linens. Beyond that, though, the whole outfit feels like something Angie Harmon would wear, but with actual finished pant legs, and Angie Harmon — whom I love, conceptually — IS IN HER FORTIES. Kendall is eighteen. It’s cool to want to grow up to be Angie Harmon — I will feel that way until I die, I suspect — but not when you still have like THIRTY YEARS to get there.

However. Kendall did not have the worst sartorial weekend of the lot.

that honor goes to Kourtney

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