Fugger: Kim Kardashian

Strongfugr: Kim Kardashian in Balmain


The beaded Balmain from yesterday had very similar problems to this dress:

That being, we all know that Kim Kardashian is INSANELY FIT right now. We’ve just seen her frolicking in a bikini and rump-roasting for a photoshoot in Thailand, and Us Weekly and its ilk are slavishly covering her pre-wedding workout regimen. This woman is in extremely good shape. So why is she prowling around Paris in not one but TWO thick, tight, smothering maxi-dresses that add fifteen pounds to her midsection? I don’t GET IT. There are so many incomprehensible things about Planet Kardashia, and one of them is that when you combine her net worth and Kanye’s AND the fact that people are surely giving them these things for free, it’s ASTONISHING that she manages to pick stuff that’s so unflattering. It would be one thing if we thoughtshe didn’t care about people thinking she’s perfectly slim, but she DOES care, because she’s telling people she does a hundred squats every morning, and thrives on showing off her curves on Instagram and whatnot. Her brand is her body, at this point, and so you’d think she’d at least package it well.

Even better, she wore this off a plane from Paris to Miami. I do not harbor any delusions that she wore it for the whole flight, but I am LOVING imagining her changing out of it in the air, and then, just before landing, having to wrestle herself back into it and accidentally, like, dropping a sleeve in the lav, and having to try and dry it on some paper towels.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

react:

Fugdigger: Kim Kardashian in Balmain


“OMG.”

“TELL ME, KIMOTHY: WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEE? YOU DIDN’T LET ME SEE THAT THICK MONSTROSITY ‘TIL THEY’D BILLED IT TO ME FOR AN ENRAGING FEE. OR WAS IT FREE? IT HAD BETTER BE. BUT AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY I’M GONNA THROW IT IN A TREE OR MAIL IT TO PAWNEE SO IT CAN VOTE ABSENTEE IN THE BALLOT OF WHOOPEE VS. TEE HEE. ‘CAUSE NO CRYSTAL SNEEZE IS COMING HOME WITH ME. IT’S SIX-HUNDRED POUNDS OF EEEEE AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK CRAZY AND I’M A TALK ABOUT THIS IN HOUR NUMBER THREE OF OUR EVENTUAL THERAPY BECAUSE LIKE SOMETIMES I JUST REALLY DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR HEAD IS AND I DON’T THINK WE’RE CONNECTING ON THE DOPEST PLANE.”

[PHOTO: FAME/FLYNET]

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Fugye Fugst and Fug Fugdashifug


What is your game here, Kim? You’ve already essentially worn this outfit on Leno, and it looked bad then, too. So you decide to whip it out for a casual little dinner with Anna Wintour, to thank her — I guess — for sparking up a crapstorm of brimstone by putting Kim on the cover. Or maybe she’s just really FRIENDLY with Anna Wintour. Does this outfit scream either a) “Thank you so much for putting your professional faith in me and I hope our cover sells gajillions for you and then people forget that they thought it made you look stupid,” or b) “Hey, there, good friend, so nice to see you for a chatty meal”? No. It says neither of those things. This outfit is hoarse from having screamed all day, “LOOOOK AT MEEEEEE MEEEEE MEEE in the key of MEeEEEEE.”

[Photos: Splash News]

react:

Fug or Fab The Inside Photos: Kimye Inside Vogue


“I KNOW Y’ALL PROBABLY MUMBLED THAT YOU THOUGHT WE’D BUNGLE THIS PHOTOGRAPHIC JUMBLE, BUT IF YOU THINK SO THEN LET’S RUMBLE, ‘CAUSE I THINK IT’S A GLORY BUNDLE, AND I’M NOT JUST BEING HUMBLE. WELCOME TO THE FUNGLE.”

[PHOTOS: VOGUE]

[Our coverage of the cover is here]

react:

Fug or Fab the Cover: Kanye West and Kim Kardashian on Vogue, April 2014


My feelings about this are varied and complicated (and LONG, so I apologize), so let’s break them down together. (Or you can skip to GFY Kanye’s take at the bottom.)

[Photo: Annie Leibovitz/Vogue]

1) The look:

The dress fits her nicely. Credit to Kim for putting some zip into her eyes, too, but right half of her face is in semi-sinister shadow, which I LOVE imagining is because Anna Wintour secretly authorized a dash of Evil Shading. The lips and stripe of makeup on her left cheek just look half-assed, though. I’m sure the idea was to focus on the diamond engagement ring and nothing else, for some kind of forced regality, but overall, the lack of any other styling feels boring to me — surely an aesthetic choice to keep things extremely simple, but the result is that it looks like Brides, and not Vogue.

2) The Pose:

If the story is about both of them, it’s bizarre to me that Kanye is relegated to a footnote who’s just sniffing mopily at her neck; I agree with the praise for an interracial couple being on the cover, but if that is truly the achievement, then I don’t know why they couldn’t stand there more proudly as equals. Instead, he is stiffly cuddling the air in front of her uterus while her hands equally stiffly seem to be keeping his at bay. Why put him there at all? This feels like a compromise, as if Anna would only do it if Kanye were present, and Kanye is actively trying to force Kim front and center anyway so that he can call it a win. SPOILER: GFY Kanye agrees with that.

click for anna’s words, GFY Kanye, and the real gist

react:

Bound Fug


She will never learn, basically.

When you are Kim Kardashian, YOU are the only laurel on which you can rest. Your talent is being you. Your only brand is you. Your game is you. And it boggles my mind that she’s so financially successful at all these things when she’s also so BAD at them. Nine outfits out of ten — and that’s a charitable average — are hideously unflattering to the very brand upon which she relies, including this one. She looks stuffed into it, and unless she’s advertising a future family-branded line of glamorous chain-link fences — Kardashian BarriKades? — or wicker chairs (wicKer) — it’s doing nobody any favors.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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