Fugger: Kim Kardashian

Fugs and Fabs: Glastonbury Music Festival


Prepare to covet some Hunter boots. (I am coveting some Hunters and I already own a pair. [The foldable ones! WORTH IT.]) Also prepare to…hey, what do you think the opposite of “covet” is? Because I feel that way about…a lot of this other stuff.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]

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Fug Karfuggian


This is the third time. THE THIRD TIME.

kim kardashian latex dress

Latex Dress No. 1 was a bustier; the second, a turtleneck. And I guess this third one is maternity wear. That thing so skintight that it’s even snugger than her actual epidermis; I’m surprised we can’t actually discern the gender of the baby. I suspect this was chosen to thwart rumors of a secret surrogate, but right now all it’s doing is making her navel cry for help. Do your womb a favor, Kimbo Slice: Let it BREATHE.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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CFDAs Fug Carpet: Kim Kardashian in Proenza Schouler


kim kardashian and kanye west CFDA Awards 2015

“MY GIRL’S DRESSED FOR BATTLE, MY FIERCE BÉBÉ-MÈRE, ‘CAUSE WE HAD THIS NEWS WE WERE EXCITED TO SHARE BUT THEN CAME CAITLYN JENNER OUT OF THIN AIR IN A MEDIA BLAST THAT WAS VANITY UNFAIR AND EVERYONE FORGOT THAT WE DID DECLARE KIM’S WOMB IS IN BUSINESS WITH OUR HEIRESS’S SPARE. LIKE WHY CAN’T SOMEONE PUT US FIRST FOR ONCE!!!!! I CAN’T EVEN TIE MY SHOES, I’M SO UPSET!!

“BUT DON’T YOU FRET. WE’LL SLAKE OUR PRESS THIRST WITH THIS PROENZA PANTY-SHEATH THAT COPIES KIM’S GIVENCHY WORST — SECOND UTERINE VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST — SO THAT Y’LL WILL GET TO TALKING ‘BOUT WHAT WE REHEARSED. NAMELY, NOT CAITLYN, BUT MY DOPE-ASS SPERM-BURST, UNTIL WE, THE ALMIGHTY KIMYE, CONSIDERS US REIMBURSED. ALSO CAITLYN YOU’D BETTER GIVE GOOD BABY GIFTS. THAT WOULD ALSO SOOTHE ME A LOT ACTUALLY BECAUSE I’M SUPER WOUNDED AND SENSITIVE YOU KNOW.”

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Fuggish: Kim Kardashian in Dior


Lost in the Met Gala coverage of last week was this Very Special Episode of Kim Kardashian Wears Very Tight Shirts With Weirdly Proportioned Skirts.

kim kardashian selfish book signing

Then again, if you’re not only paying for her book of selfies but voluntarily waiting in line to have it signed, this has to be exactly what you’re hoping she’ll wear. It is Uberdashian.

So is this:

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Met Gala Naked WTFs: Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, and Jennifer Lopez


To quote myself on Twitter: If this affair was about “perceptions” of China in the western world, then what I’m getting is that everyone perceives China as super naked. Beyonce is in Givenchy, Kim Kardashian picked Roberto Cavalli, and Jennifer Lopez is in Versace — and EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM decided that “China: Through The Looking Glass” really meant “China: Whatever, Just Look At My Ass.”

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugye: Kim Kardashian


I guess Kim Kard here was honored at the Variety Power of Women event for her work with Children’s Hospital of Los Angeles, something I had no idea she was affiliated with and have never heard mentioned in the same breath as her name — but I hope that’s just because I wasn’t paying attention, as I would be thrilled if Children’s benefited from Kim’s enormous, confounding, enormous, and enormous fame.

kim-kardashian-west-470951760

 

Let’s pretend, then, that she chose this thematically — as, say, a fashion representation of Sexy Lab Coat.

The thing is, that overcoat could have been cool. But as usual, the unavoidable undercurrent of Kardashian means it’s not really allowed to be. We get a sheer meridian bisecting her chest and peeks of nude brassiere, all designed to make sure you’re staring there first. As if she constantly defines herself by that asset. I just wish she’d show more belief that there are other parts of her worth looking at, you know? Remember how great she is in red lipstick? Throw a deep crimson shade on her here and reconsider the hair, and even THAT would be a step forward. What I wouldn’t give for a real, actual Hollywood stylist to take her on for one month and see what kind of difference it might make.

Oh, and lest you wonder how she accessorized:

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