Fugger: Katie Holmes

Fug or Fab: Katie Holmes

I think I want a do-over for her head.

Katie Holmes

The dress is boring, but she at least put a cool jacket with it, and took a stab with the shoes. I even see a bracelet peeking out under one of those sleeves. If we could just get a more alluring lipstick and DEATH TO THE TOPKNOT then I think she’d be onto something for a calm evening screening. I just… that thing is making her head lopsided and I swear it’s trying to pull her left cheekbone up over the top of her head. Mine aches just looking at her temples. Loose waves, Katie. Embrace them.

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[Photo: Getty]


Fugson’s Creek: Katie Holmes

Well, her lipstick is fun? Her hair might be good? She seems happy? The book she writes in sixty years about how perfectly she was extracted from Scientology/Tom Cruise is going to be AMAZING? And now that I’d led with the good:

The 2014 Skin Cancer Foundation Gala

I should tell you that I’ve become so inured to The Jumpsuit that I literally just thought to myself, “huh, this might need different shoes.” I’m going to take to my bed now.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Fug/Fab Face-Off: Victoria Beckham vs. Katie Holmes

Back in the day, this might have been a cakewalk for Katie Holmes, but Posh has turned herself into a formidable opponent — and Katie, less of one.

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[Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame-Flynet]


Well Played, Katie Holmes

You may disagree with me — FEEL FREE, since the heat has totally melted my brain and I might seriously just be typing, like, “banana Jenga pantyhose lemur” right now — but I seriously feel like she looks better here than she has in a REALLY long time.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


Fug or Fab: Katie Holmes in Zac Posen

The new tradition around these parts is to first admire Miss Holmes’s face, I think:

From this angle, this entire thing is very balletic — remember when Katie Holmes was pretending she was A Great Dancer? Not that she’s a abjectly BAD dancer, but from what I can recall, she was basically like That Girl In Your High School Who Dances Competently But She Basically Landed That Part In The Musical Thanks To Charm So Don’t Worry About Saving Her A Spot, ABT. (That link goes to a YouTube video of her “Get Happy” performance on So You Think You Can Dance and I think she suffered from comparison with actual dancer dancers; that said, it’s a GREAT reminder of how good that bob haircut was on her). Apparently, the memo for The Giver premiere-goers was, “wear pink!”

Let’s see the whole thing:

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What the Fug: Katie Holmes in Michael Kors

Let’s experience this together as I did: First, with a shot of Katie that was in close-up.

Katie Holmes in Michael Kors

I thought to myself, “Well, one-shoulder, but whatever, maybe it has potential. I like her makeup.  I wish she was dating someone that would get Us Weekly to stop writing about Kendra Wilkinson. Let’s fix her up. Is Chris Evans still potentially dating Sandra Bullock? I don’t want to get in the way of that. What’s Henry Cavill up to, aside from putting on Superman tights and probably getting poker tips from Ben Affleck? I’ll have to think about this.”

And then I got on with it and found a full-length shot:

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Fug/Fab the Cover Face-Off: Katie Holmes on Glamour vs Zoe Saldana on Marie Claire

We wrote about this Katie Holmes cover for Vanity Fair a couple weeks ago, as it compared to Brooke Shields’ iconic Calvin Klein ads. But somehow I didn’t notice it was sharing newsstand space with a similar theme. So now let’s throw THOSE into the Thunderdome, shall we?

Katie Holmes on Glamour, August 2014

I think Katie’s face looks great, and the alluring pose works on her — she’s good with a twinkle of naughty. But as we noted for Vanity Fair, I believe, my biggest problem is that I don’t actually like these jeans. I’m not a fan of the Trouser Jean, in general, but I’m distracted by the pockets flapping open at me, like they have something loud to say, and … let’s just say this: This one is the JEANS issue, not the DENIM issue, so you’d think they’d get the jeans part right; instead, her top half to me looks much more arresting than the bottom.

Also, and I know this is dumb, that ampersand above Angelina Jolie’s name looks too much like a treble clef. There, I said it.

Zoe stars on Marie Claire’s DENIM issue, which I am capsifying because boy, did they:

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