Fugger: Kanye West

What the Fugly Fug Fuggery: Kim Kardashian and North West in Givenchy


I can’t even go into GFY Kanye mode for this one. If you ever wanted to believe the rumors about Riccardo Tisci and Kanye West, and/or any jealousies he might be feeling about this little family unit, then today is your lucky day. Because one could easily interpret this as an act of someone OUT FOR REVENGE.

Kim Kardashian, North West, Kanye West going to Givenchy

Regardless: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO RAPACIOUS DIPSHITS. THAT IS YOUR CHILD. (Whose face, by the way, was blurred by the photo service.) You want to wear ratty old boots with elaborate karate duds, Kanye? Fine. You want to wear see-through pants with a negligee leotard, and look like a lacy joke, Kim? It’s your life. Be hideous if you want to, be desperate if you want to, be tasteless if you want to; be transparent in every sense of that word, if that’s what really makes you feel purposeful and alive. That’s your business. But YOU HAVE PUT YOUR TODDLER IN A SHEER DRESS-SHIRT-TUNIC NIGHTMARE. SHE IS NOT EVEN TWO.

You shouldn’t be putting that poor girl in clothes with a whiff of Trashy Lingerie about them. There is NO REASON for her to be wearing a custom dress that’s made in the image of something ostensibly sexy. A little kid in a sundress from Gymboree is one thing, but this sucker is designed to show skin ,with a modesty strip and transparency above AND BELOW it. IT’S INCREDIBLY CREEPY, YOU GUYS. She is not your accessory. She is your child. And if you’ve made the decision to put her in the public eye, again, whatever, it’s your family; that’s your call. Just please think about how you do it. Please USE the brains you’ve so assiduously applied to the pursuit and attainment of fame and wealth, and think about her well-being and future and not just your own. I mean, sure, we’ve all come to expect you to be a little icky and disappointing, but why must you find a way to top yourselves? Not every sundae needs a cherry on top. Don’t be jackwagons.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fugsus: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in Lanvin


Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

“BE MY GUEST, AT OUR BEHESTS, TO BEHOLD THE CLEAVAGE OF HUMANKIND’S VERY BEST: ME AND MRS. WEST AND OUR MATCHING CHESTS AND THE ARTISTIC BRILLIANCE OF MY TORSO NEST. IT’S THE YEAR OF THE SKINFEST, STARRING KANYE BREAST.”

[PHOTO: FAME/FLYNET]

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Fugs and Fines: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West


“MAN, I LOOK CHILL, BUT LET ME EXPLAIN THE WAYS THAT MY LIFE IS A DAMN CRAZY TRAIN. PHOTOGRAPHERS AND PEOPLE JUST CAN’T REFRAIN FROM OBSESSING OVER ME AND MY MAIN, MY ART IS SO DOPE THAT INSPIRATION NEVER WANES AND SOMETIMES I THINK IT’LL EXPLODE FROM MY VEINS, ‘CAUSE THE RAIN IN SPAIN DOES NOT STAY MAINLY IN THESE PLAINS, AND BEING YEEZUS THE SAVIOR CAN BE A TOTAL DRAIN AND SOMETIMES DAMMIT I JUST WANT A COAT LIKE ICHABOD CRANE’S. WHAT DOES A GUY HAVE TO DO TO GET A REVOLUTIONARY WAR-ERA PROP COAT. I’M SERIOUS. DO I NEED TO WRITE HIM SOME RHYMES? BECAUSE THIS BLAZER IS NOT HAPPENING. IT LOOKS LIKE A GIANT SHIRT AND DOES NOT COMPLEMENT MY LEATHER MEGGINGS AND IT HURTS ME RIGHT IN MY GENIUS BAR.

[PHOTOS: FAME/FLYNET, AKM-GSI]

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GQ Woman of the Fug: Kim Kardashian in Ralph & Russo


“THANK YOU, GQ, WISE BESTOWERS OF STATUES, FOR SEEING WHAT’S TRUE WHICH IS THAT MY BOO IS THE DOPEST VIEW, THE TOTAL CHEESE FONDUE, THE KOALA’S BAMBOO, THE STRONGEST HOME BREW, HOTTER THEN EVERY BRITISH HUGH, NOT JUST DINNER BUT THE WHOLE MENU. SHE WHIPPED UP SOMETHING SPECIAL, SOMETHING WITH POP: SHE TOOK HAUTE COUTURE AND CUT OFF THE TOP AND PUT A LEATHER PROP UNDER HER GIFT SHOP, THE WHISTLE TO MY STOP, MY FAVORITE PLACE TO FLOP. SHE’S SICKER THAN NUTELLA, ALL SPLASH MEETS BARBARELLA EXCEPT WITH A DOPE-ASS FELLA WHOSE MATCHING CLEAVAGE IS BLAZIN-HELLA (BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M HAPPY FOR KIM AND I’MMA LET HER FINISH BUT SHE SHOULD’VE WORN GIVENCHY BECAUSE MY MAN RICCARDO TISCI CAN TURN PLAIN UGLY INTO HISTORY BUT YOU DIDN’T HEAR THAT FROM ME).  OH LOOK SOMEONE’S CALLING MY PHONE MACHINE. HEY THERE, JAY-Z, HOW THE HELL’VE YOU BEEN? OH YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN THE LATRINE? IS YOUR ANTI-KIM SMUG MIEN TURNING BOTTLE-GREEN BECAUSE IT’S SO OBSCENE THAT WE’RE STILL WICKED KEEN? YEAH, SUCK ON THAT, JEANINE, THAT’LL TEACH YOU TO BLOW OFF OUR WEDDING AFTER WE’VE CARVED YOUR NAMES INTO THE DAMN GOLD TABLE. I MEAN REALLY. WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY. SHEESH.”

[PHOTOS: GETTY, SPLASH]

react:

My Beautifug Fug Twisted Fugtasy: Kim Kardashian at Bonnaroo


HEY BONNAROO, GUESS FRIGGIN’ WHO?

Kim Kardashian at Bonnaroo 2014 (2)

“IT’S ME AND MY BOO AND SHE’S FLASHING AT YOU IN A SHIRT THAT’S SEE-THROUGH ‘CAUSE HER SEX APPEAL IS TRUE AND IF THAT’S UNTRUE TO VOUS THEN JUST  CHOKE ON YOUR HATE-STEW BECAUSE THOSE GOODS ARE THE GLUE THAT GIVE KANYE HIS WOO. I AM THE BECHAMEL, SHE IS MY ROUX. AND UNLIKE ON SCOOBY-DOO WE GET AWAY WITH IT, FOOLS, CAUSE YOU MEDDLING KIDS COULDN’T FIND A CLUE IF IT POUNDED A DEW AND DANCED SOME SOFT-SHOE ON THE BACK OF A GNU.

Kim Kardashian at Bonnaroo 2014 (1)

SHE IS MY WIFE WITH TWO GOBLETS OF LIFE WHOSE ELIXIR INSIDE IS NUTRIENT-RIFE AND ALSO THE WINE GLASSES ARE HELPFUL TO ME AS WELL. SO DEAL WITH IT.”

[PHOTOS: INSTAGRAM]

a message on why we still cover them

react:

Fugdigger: Kim Kardashian in Balmain


“OMG.”

“TELL ME, KIMOTHY: WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEE? YOU DIDN’T LET ME SEE THAT THICK MONSTROSITY ‘TIL THEY’D BILLED IT TO ME FOR AN ENRAGING FEE. OR WAS IT FREE? IT HAD BETTER BE. BUT AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY I’M GONNA THROW IT IN A TREE OR MAIL IT TO PAWNEE SO IT CAN VOTE ABSENTEE IN THE BALLOT OF WHOOPEE VS. TEE HEE. ‘CAUSE NO CRYSTAL SNEEZE IS COMING HOME WITH ME. IT’S SIX-HUNDRED POUNDS OF EEEEE AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK CRAZY AND I’M A TALK ABOUT THIS IN HOUR NUMBER THREE OF OUR EVENTUAL THERAPY BECAUSE LIKE SOMETIMES I JUST REALLY DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR HEAD IS AND I DON’T THINK WE’RE CONNECTING ON THE DOPEST PLANE.”

[PHOTO: FAME/FLYNET]

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