Fugger: Kanye West

GQ Woman of the Fug: Kim Kardashian in Ralph & Russo


“THANK YOU, GQ, WISE BESTOWERS OF STATUES, FOR SEEING WHAT’S TRUE WHICH IS THAT MY BOO IS THE DOPEST VIEW, THE TOTAL CHEESE FONDUE, THE KOALA’S BAMBOO, THE STRONGEST HOME BREW, HOTTER THEN EVERY BRITISH HUGH, NOT JUST DINNER BUT THE WHOLE MENU. SHE WHIPPED UP SOMETHING SPECIAL, SOMETHING WITH POP: SHE TOOK HAUTE COUTURE AND CUT OFF THE TOP AND PUT A LEATHER PROP UNDER HER GIFT SHOP, THE WHISTLE TO MY STOP, MY FAVORITE PLACE TO FLOP. SHE’S SICKER THAN NUTELLA, ALL SPLASH MEETS BARBARELLA EXCEPT WITH A DOPE-ASS FELLA WHOSE MATCHING CLEAVAGE IS BLAZIN-HELLA (BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, I’M HAPPY FOR KIM AND I’MMA LET HER FINISH BUT SHE SHOULD’VE WORN GIVENCHY BECAUSE MY MAN RICCARDO TISCI CAN TURN PLAIN UGLY INTO HISTORY BUT YOU DIDN’T HEAR THAT FROM ME).  OH LOOK SOMEONE’S CALLING MY PHONE MACHINE. HEY THERE, JAY-Z, HOW THE HELL’VE YOU BEEN? OH YOUR MARRIAGE IS IN THE LATRINE? IS YOUR ANTI-KIM SMUG MIEN TURNING BOTTLE-GREEN BECAUSE IT’S SO OBSCENE THAT WE’RE STILL WICKED KEEN? YEAH, SUCK ON THAT, JEANINE, THAT’LL TEACH YOU TO BLOW OFF OUR WEDDING AFTER WE’VE CARVED YOUR NAMES INTO THE DAMN GOLD TABLE. I MEAN REALLY. WE LIVE IN A SOCIETY. SHEESH.”

[PHOTOS: GETTY, SPLASH]

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My Beautifug Fug Twisted Fugtasy: Kim Kardashian at Bonnaroo


HEY BONNAROO, GUESS FRIGGIN’ WHO?

Kim Kardashian at Bonnaroo 2014 (2)

“IT’S ME AND MY BOO AND SHE’S FLASHING AT YOU IN A SHIRT THAT’S SEE-THROUGH ‘CAUSE HER SEX APPEAL IS TRUE AND IF THAT’S UNTRUE TO VOUS THEN JUST  CHOKE ON YOUR HATE-STEW BECAUSE THOSE GOODS ARE THE GLUE THAT GIVE KANYE HIS WOO. I AM THE BECHAMEL, SHE IS MY ROUX. AND UNLIKE ON SCOOBY-DOO WE GET AWAY WITH IT, FOOLS, CAUSE YOU MEDDLING KIDS COULDN’T FIND A CLUE IF IT POUNDED A DEW AND DANCED SOME SOFT-SHOE ON THE BACK OF A GNU.

Kim Kardashian at Bonnaroo 2014 (1)

SHE IS MY WIFE WITH TWO GOBLETS OF LIFE WHOSE ELIXIR INSIDE IS NUTRIENT-RIFE AND ALSO THE WINE GLASSES ARE HELPFUL TO ME AS WELL. SO DEAL WITH IT.”

[PHOTOS: INSTAGRAM]

a message on why we still cover them

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Fugdigger: Kim Kardashian in Balmain


“OMG.”

“TELL ME, KIMOTHY: WHAT’S WRONG WITH THEE? YOU DIDN’T LET ME SEE THAT THICK MONSTROSITY ‘TIL THEY’D BILLED IT TO ME FOR AN ENRAGING FEE. OR WAS IT FREE? IT HAD BETTER BE. BUT AT THE FIRST OPPORTUNITY I’M GONNA THROW IT IN A TREE OR MAIL IT TO PAWNEE SO IT CAN VOTE ABSENTEE IN THE BALLOT OF WHOOPEE VS. TEE HEE. ‘CAUSE NO CRYSTAL SNEEZE IS COMING HOME WITH ME. IT’S SIX-HUNDRED POUNDS OF EEEEE AND IT MAKES YOU LOOK CRAZY AND I’M A TALK ABOUT THIS IN HOUR NUMBER THREE OF OUR EVENTUAL THERAPY BECAUSE LIKE SOMETIMES I JUST REALLY DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR HEAD IS AND I DON’T THINK WE’RE CONNECTING ON THE DOPEST PLANE.”

[PHOTO: FAME/FLYNET]

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Fug or Fab The Inside Photos: Kimye Inside Vogue


“I KNOW Y’ALL PROBABLY MUMBLED THAT YOU THOUGHT WE’D BUNGLE THIS PHOTOGRAPHIC JUMBLE, BUT IF YOU THINK SO THEN LET’S RUMBLE, ‘CAUSE I THINK IT’S A GLORY BUNDLE, AND I’M NOT JUST BEING HUMBLE. WELCOME TO THE FUNGLE.”

[PHOTOS: VOGUE]

[Our coverage of the cover is here]

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College Fugout


Well, it should be no surprise that Kimmy here showed up in something that’s supposed to look regal and sophisticated, but instead looks like she’s been watching too much Dynasty and doesn’t understand what she should actually take away from it.

It looks terrible on her, but it’s also basically just a satin onesie. Is she taking style tips from her baby? Will it be footie pajamas soon?

But what amuses me is that here, everything seems to be carefully wrangled for maximum coverage. And then later she stepped out with Kanye:

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Go Fug Your Accessory, Kim Kardashian


You need to see Kim Kardashian’s Khristmas Gift From Kanye: It’s a Birkin, it was custom-painted by George Condo (who did one of Kanye’s album covers), and apparently it’s possessed by the devil. With plenty of views from afar, on the offchance that it’s a Monet (who, by the way, just rolled over in his grave, woke from his eternal slumber and started digging himself out with his hands so as to rise from the dead and come slap me across the face for that).

GFY Kanye is making a guest appearance to walk you through it: “CHECK IT OUT, MY MAGNUM OPUS, BRIMMING WITH ARTISTIC DOPENESS, SURELY BLESSED BY HIS HOLY POPENESS, WHO WAS ALL, ‘IMMA LET YOU FINISH THE CEILING, MICHELANGELO, BUT FIRST I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT GEORGE CONDO MADE THE BEST ART IN THE WORLD THIS TIME.’ MY GIRL HAD A BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY CHRISTMAS DAY. THERE’S NOTHING I WON’T PAY TO MAKE HER DOPER THAN QUEEN BEY, SO NOBODY GET IN MY WAY BECAUSE EVERY KISS BEGINS WITH ‘YE.”

[Photos: Splash, Fame/Flynet]

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