Fugger: Kanye West

Fugs and Fabs: CFDA Fashion Fund Show and Tea


You guys, I STILL have to look up who is Ashley Greene and who is Nikki Reed.

[Photos: Getty]

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Fugs and Fabs: Everyone Else at the Vogue 95th Anniversary Party


We saw the models; now see Rihanna and Everyone Else. Pink hair! Kanye! A confused Suki Waterhouse!

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Fugs and Fines: Givenchy at New York Fashion Week


Givenchy moved its show to New York this season (I’ve decided it’s because Kanye didn’t want to bring pregnant Kim to Paris, and his close bud Riccardo Tisci refused to do it without him). We’ll get into the clothes on the runway another time, but for now, let’s just imagine North West and her future brother East growing up to be the valedictorians of Stanford. It helps.

[Photos: Getty]

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VMAs Business As Usual Carpet: Kim Kardashian and Kanye West


kim kardashian kanye west VMAs

“YEAH, I’M IN SWEATS; I DON’T NEED TO TRY HARD. ‘CAUSE IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW, I’M THE VIDEO VANGUARD – MUSIC’S POET LAUREATE WHO COULD OUT-VERSE THE BARD. SO I DON’T NEED TO DRESS UP OR TRUSS UP OR PRIMP UP. I DON’T EVEN BOTHER TO DO MY DAMN SHOES UP; THERE’S MORE KNOTS TIED ON MY WIFE AND OUR NEW PUP. BUT MY CINQUAINS ARE LYRICAL; MY PENTAMETER’S IAMBIC; MY SKULL-BONNET’S SONNETS ARE LIKE A COPPERFIELD MAGIC TRICK. SO DON’T LIKE MY CLOTHES? YOU’RE ALLOWED TO I SUPPOSE BUT BOW TO MY RHYMES.  … AND THAT WAS A HAIKU, SO BOO HOO, I POEM’D YOU. SO I WIN EVEN WHEN MY WIFE WEARS A DRESS THE COLOR OF ASPARAGUS URINE, BUT I’M NOT GOING TO RHYME ABOUT IT EVEN THOUGH MY BRAIN IS WHIRRIN’. DAMMIT I DID IT ANYWAY. EVEN MY ACCIDENTS ARE ART.

[PHOTO: GETTY]

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CFDAs Fug Carpet: Kim Kardashian in Proenza Schouler


kim kardashian and kanye west CFDA Awards 2015

“MY GIRL’S DRESSED FOR BATTLE, MY FIERCE BÉBÉ-MÈRE, ‘CAUSE WE HAD THIS NEWS WE WERE EXCITED TO SHARE BUT THEN CAME CAITLYN JENNER OUT OF THIN AIR IN A MEDIA BLAST THAT WAS VANITY UNFAIR AND EVERYONE FORGOT THAT WE DID DECLARE KIM’S WOMB IS IN BUSINESS WITH OUR HEIRESS’S SPARE. LIKE WHY CAN’T SOMEONE PUT US FIRST FOR ONCE!!!!! I CAN’T EVEN TIE MY SHOES, I’M SO UPSET!!

“BUT DON’T YOU FRET. WE’LL SLAKE OUR PRESS THIRST WITH THIS PROENZA PANTY-SHEATH THAT COPIES KIM’S GIVENCHY WORST — SECOND UTERINE VERSE, SAME AS THE FIRST — SO THAT Y’LL WILL GET TO TALKING ‘BOUT WHAT WE REHEARSED. NAMELY, NOT CAITLYN, BUT MY DOPE-ASS SPERM-BURST, UNTIL WE, THE ALMIGHTY KIMYE, CONSIDERS US REIMBURSED. ALSO CAITLYN YOU’D BETTER GIVE GOOD BABY GIFTS. THAT WOULD ALSO SOOTHE ME A LOT ACTUALLY BECAUSE I’M SUPER WOUNDED AND SENSITIVE YOU KNOW.”

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FUGYE WEST: KANYE AT THE TIME 100 GALA


KANYE WEST AT TIME 100 GALA

“UGH. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR SCHUMER’S SHENANIGANS. I’M ON A MISSION LIKE MISS HANNIGAN TO GET RESPECT FROM MY FANS AGAIN FOR MY INFLUENCE AND FASHION SENSE IN MY TORN-UP SHIRT WITH SPIRITUAL VENTS THAT COST SO MANY POUNDS AND PENCE THAT I JUST TELL KIM IT MEANS TEN CENTS (AND THANK THE LORD MY LADY’S DENSE, OR AT LEAST NOT QUALIFIED TO JOIN MENS…A). SO, YEAH, I’M IN MY EASTER SHIRT, THE ONE THAT LOOKS RIPPED FROM THE DIRT FROM OUTSIDE SOMEONE’S SACRED YURT. MAYBE I’LL START MY OWN DAMN CHURCH WHERE PEOPLE CHANGE CLOTHES IN FITS AND SPURTS AND SLICE THEIR HANES ‘TIL THE COTTON HURTS AND WORSHIP ME AND ERNIE AND BERT BUT NOT THAT BIG BIRD ‘CAUSE HE’S BERSERK AND MAYBE WE NEED TO STOP PUTTING NORTH DOWN IN FRONT OF SESAME STREET BECAUSE I THINK MAYBE THIS IS NOT MY DOPEST MOMENT AND ALSO MY COAT MIGHT BE HIDING A PONCHO.”

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Fug the Krew: The Kardashians Do Easter Mass


Yes, this is a week or so old. But I missed it during our travels, and I felt like we all needed a chance to talk about what the stately and sedate Kardashians wore to Church on such a holy occasion:

Kanye, Kim, North & Family Attend Church On Easter Sunday

Someone basically needs to remind Kendall that the aisle is not the same thing as a runway, and that the whole body-into-bread and water-into-wine thing do not equate to cocktails and light apps.

You’ll be pleased to know Kanye dressed up for the occasion as well:

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