“IT’S LIKE THIS: KIM WAS IN HER CLOSET FOR HOURS UNTIL SHE STARTED TO GLOWER AND I WAS GROWING SOUR, AND BECAUSE I’M A SERIOUS VOW-ER AND ‘TIL DEATH DO US PART’ STILL HAS POWER, I OFFERED HER FREE WEEZY AND SHE WAS LIKE “nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo” SO THEN EVERY OUTFIT SHE DEFLOWERED MADE MY MOOD HELLA DOUR AND I WAS LIKE, “JUST PUT UP A DAMN TWITTER POLL AND TAKE A SHOWER.” I JUST DIDN’T THINK SHE’D WAIT TO DO THAT LAST THING UNTIL TWO SECONDS BEFORE WE LEFT THE HOUSE. ALSO I THINK “DRESSY SEXY” WON BUT THIS LOOKS MORE “CASUAL CHILL” TO ME SO MAYBE “DRESSY” JUST MEANT “IN THE VAGUE MANNER OF A DRESS,” BUT EVEN THAT IS JUST A GUESS. FOR SURE THIS LOOK IS SOMETHING LESS. IT’S GENITALLY BREEZY AND NIPPLE-FREEZY AND SORTA SEXY BUT ALSO SLEAZY AND HONESTLY IT LOOKS LIKE DISCOUNT YEEZY SO TELL ME PLEAZY WHY SHE’LL PICK IT WHEN IT’S BY GALLIANO BUT NOT WHEN IT’S MEEZY. IT’S A SEE-THROUGH RUCHED HOT MESS THAT I HAVE TO PRETEND TO BLESS WHEN I REALLY WANT TO CONFESS THAT IT DOES NOT IMPRESS, UNLIKE CAGNEY & LACEY STARRING SHARON GLESS. YES THAT’S RIGHT I KNOW MY ‘COP SHOW ROLE MODELS. DALY, GLESS, FRANZ, WEST. RECOGNIZE.”
[Photo: Getty]
