Admit it. This dress is surprisingly sophisticated coming from me — especially if you consider MY RED CARPET PAST [seriously what was I even thinking half the time yes I’m talking about Kevin. Did you forget he was alive? SO DID I!] — even if it does kinda look like I got mauled by a bear leaving a Victoria Beckham sample sale:

I’m so tan! My extensions look great! I have at least one sleeve! I bought these shoes because I read on in a plane magazine that every business woman needs a practical pair of black pumps and I DO feel practical and business-y in them! ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS.

Okay, I have to go now. Kim Kardashian cornered me in the bathroom and explained that I’m supposed to go writhe around while some dude you never heard of sings LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT HIM and I look great in a catsuit and yellow boots and everyone on Twitter wonders what happened to my snake. He lives in my hot tub.




[Photo: Getty]