Fugger: Gwyneth Paltrow

Fug or Fab The Cover: Gwyneth Paltrow on Harper’s Bazaar, November 2016

I misread the headline as “The Dating Issue” and thought, “OMG am I supposed to be wearing a bikini to the supermarket on dates now?!? NO ONE TOLD ME.”

As far as the interview goes, it’s….somewhat Goop-y. For example, she says:

“If you haven’t taken all of life’s incredible knocks and disappointments and used them to become a fully integrated, self-expressing person by the time you’re 40, then what can I tell you?”

I know what she means — and it makes more sense/comes off much better in context — but also just listen to yourself, Gwyneth. Plenty of 40-year-old women are not “fully integrated, self-expressing people” yet, because that is a tall order — one many people do not fulfill in their entire lives, and something everyone is working on all the time. I myself am 41 and I do not think I would ever describe myself as a “fully integrated person,” in part because that makes me sound like a top-of-the-line blender. Sigh. Oh, Gwyneth. You truly are who you are.

That said, the interview was conducted by Samantha Bee and Samantha Bee got some good and interesting bits out of Gwyneth — she tells a story about a time her father told her she was being an asshole, and it changed her life, for example. It’s worth a read. But not before you look at what awaits us inside.

[Photos: Alexi Lubomirski and Harper's Bazaar]


Feh: Gwyneth Paltrow in Prada

This is an annual auction event in The Hamptons, and Gwynnie always likes to look undone and summery at it.

Gwyneth Paltrow

But this might be the MOST undone and the MOST summery. I honestly think she upgraded her shoe choice at the last second because sensible Apple wandered in and clucked, “Is THAT what you’re wearing? Isn’t it a NICE event?” Brush your hair, Gwynnie, and, er, try harder to keep the toys in the beach bag, okay?

[Photo: Getty]


What the Fug: Gwyneth Paltrow

This is actually more funny to me than anything. Jess’s reaction was, “Bless her heart,” and mine was to think that my grandmother would have called this “snazzy.”

Gwyneth Paltrow

I just sincerely feel like she dropped her keys in a bowl and is ready to swing, baby, swing. That, or she’s about to put on a turban and perform Nobody Takes Me To The Cleaners And To Bed In The Same Day: Selected Monologues and Pithy One-Liners of Alexis Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan. Confession: I would buy a ticket to that.

[Photo: Getty]



WTF: Gwyneth Paltrow in Emilia Wickstead

She’s just effing with us now, right?


I refuse to accept any other explanation. Surely she saw everyone flip their wigs over this monstrosity and thought, “you didn’t like that? GAME ON, PEASANTS.”

The Hollywood Reporter And Jimmy Choo's Power Stylists Dinner

I’m…that’s…you’re…okay. Fine. It’s true. You broke me. I’m out. I’m need to go lie down. Advantage, Paltrow. AS USUAL.

[Photos: Getty]


Fugs and Fabs: Celebs at the Chanel Show

This one is quite a spectrum.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


Fug or Fab: Gwyneth Paltrow in Stella McCartney

If you hate this unreservedly, and wonder why I am putting it up to any kind of vote, be forewarned that an onslaught of Stella stuff is coming that is WAY WORSE.

gwyneth paltrow

At fist I thought that was a lacy clutch, until I realized there is one on the other side. And they’re attached to her hips. That is weird, don’t get me wrong. And matching the booties to it is both smart and a little goofy. But I also think Gwyneth KNOWS all this, and she’s just supporting her friend in the most livable way possible. That look on her face says, to me, “Grade this on a curve. TRUST ME.”

[Photo: Getty]


Fug or Fab: Gwyneth Paltrow

This is, ostensibly, ridiculous, and yet somehow it sort of amuses me:

LACMA Art + Film Gala 2015

It’s both so ruffly and shimmery. Like if The Little Mermaid were given a live-action update set in 1926, and Ariel traded her voice to be a flapper, instead of for Prince Eric. And just look at her stuff! Isn’t it neat?

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]