Fug File: Fug The Cover

Your Afternoon Man: Jon Hamm on GQ, April 2015

Did I squeak with undignified joy when I saw this cover?

GQ April Cover

Yes. Yes, I did. Will I perhaps purchase it solely to place it on my coffee table, so that I have some Dapper Handsomeness in my living room at all times? Yes, yes, I will. (Not to be confused with Draper Handsomeness. They’re very visually similar, but one of them is much, much more self-destructive.) Did Heather forward me the email containing this cover the instant it hit our in-box with a note saying, “I feel like this was destined for you — NAY, shot for you?” Yes, yes, she did.

But I would argue that this is for all of us.

[Photo: GQ]


Fugs and Fabs The Cover: A Variety of International Vogues

VOGUES! So many Vogues.

[Photos: Vogue]


Fug or Fab the Cover: Kerry Washington on Marie Claire, April 2015

What I like about this cover: The fact that her face really pops, and actually looks like her FACE — with her skin color and her features and everything, unlike that horrifying crime InStyle perpetrated.

Marie Claire April 2015: Kerry Washington

What I’m not sure about: whether I actually like this on its own merits. The hair might get in the way for me a little — if it were slicked back, so that we were JUST communing with her bone structure and that look in her eyes, it might’ve been nifty. There’s also something generally dull about it. I’ve seen it before. I know this is Marie Claire, so they were never going to go full nutballs on her, but I would love to see SOMEONE let her cut LOOSE with her. Like, say, sign her up for and let a real wackadoo photographer who calls him or herself an artiste put her in some funky poses and clothes and makeup. Or, better, have her on the cover looking like this:

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Fug the Cover: Hilary Duff on Cosmopolitan, April 2015

So, I have a theory: I think Hilary Duff waited to file for divorce until right before her Cosmo cover came out, so that her interview would get more media traction because people could — and since did – frame it as, “Hilary Duff Breaks Her Silence On Divorce,” and “Hilary Duff Tells Cosmo The Real Story,” etc. Which is very savvy timing — too savvy to be accidental.

hilary duff cosmopolitan april 2015

Then again, if true, then her good planning is being undercut by the unfortunate timing of “63 Secrets To Love that Lasts” being plastered on the shoulder of someone who’s trying to soar over the smoking embers of her marriage. I actually think Hilary could have looked cute on this cover — if she were in a properly sized motorcycle jacket and not one intended for an eleven-year old. And there have to be a ton of ways to cheekily match “back and kicking ass” to her body posture, which could’ve been playful. As it is, there is nothing easy or breezy about this cover girl. It’s neither joyful nor charismatic nor effortless. It is, in fact, coated in effort and then rolled in a crunchy coating of exertion and Panko. Everything feels placed, not posed; it’s a weird combination of someone who is desperate to find a bathroom because she washed down some bad cheese with a gallon of water, and a person who just threw out her knee AND pulled a butt muscle in trying to hold this pose. In either case, her face suggests she’s smiling through surprise and anguish, and that she’s psychically willing the photographer to call a time of death on this thing so she can put away her veneers and take a calming shot. At least her cleavage looks good? We’ve been begging Hollywood to use more linings, so here, Hilary, take that one made of silver.


Fug the Cover: Gwyneth Paltrow on Marie Claire UK, April 2015

The barrage of hard-to-read cover text bothers me a lot here.

Gwyneth Paltrow on Marie Claire UK April 2015

But not as much as the fact that the photographer seems to have caught Gwynnie mid-squat.


Well Played Cover: Taylor Swift and Karlie Kloss on Vogue

Many of you predicted this, and to you I say: WELL DONE:


Which actually is also what I say to Vogue. This is charming, and fun, and they both look great, and while I’ve seen a variety of jokes circulating the internet joking that it’s also the cover of a reboot of Single White Female, and I laughed at them, I also think it’s groovy that Vogue is (at least ostensibly) celebrating girlfriends this month. A good friend is invaluable and I suspect these two have a lot in common (tallness, people taking cell phone pictures of them when they’re just trying to buy kombucha, etc).  Additionally, I guess they share a great hairstylist and a good no-makeup makeup look. Which actually is a great bonding commonality also.