Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fug or Fab the Cover: Michelle Dockery on Harper’s Bazaar UK, October 2015


Why so serious, Lady Mary?

(PS: if you missed it, we’ve got the new trailer for this final season of Downton, and are discussing at length.)

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Lauren Conrad on Cosmopolitan, September 2015


Every now and again, Lauren Conrad pops up on a major magazine cover without necessarily having done much recently, and I always have the same reaction: that the real cover girl fell through at the last minute and/or nobody had any ideas or availability, so the editors opened up The Big Book Of Palatable Choices Who Are Also Super Easy To Get. Which is not to say I have anything against L.C.; she seems nice enough, and she isn’t running around calling the paparazzi on herself or signing up for any new reality shows, so I suspect she has her head on straight. But why she’s the September cover of Cosmo right now is a mystery. Can it be that humble Lauren Conrad still just moves the HELL out of magazines?

But seriously: I can’t with your #lunchgoals, Cosmo. Don’t try to shame me out of the sandwich bar, or the Cheeseburger Bar, or the Big Heaping Piles of Pasta Bar. Also, like, what are you even saying? Do people who frequent the salad bar really need to be told how to do it better? Or is the Hearst salad bar just where all the really high-achievers congregate, and this article will teach me how to walk amongst them while name-dropping philosophers they’ve never heard of? Can I put my salad in a pita? Because THAT sounds smart.

[Photos: Cosmo]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Various International September Issues of Vogue


Here in the USA, we got Beyonce. In Australia, there was a great cover of Nicole Kidman. Japanese Vogue brought Katy Perry. But what did the rest of the world find in their mailboxes this September? LET’S FIND OUT TOGETHER.

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Well Played Cover: Keira Knightley on Elle’s 30th Anniversary Issue, September 2015


These are fantastic. Keira Knightley has never looked better or more fun or more dramatic, and I’d pick up any one of them. Take note, Vogue.

[Photos: Elle.com]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Beyonce on Vogue, September 2015


I hate to say it, but I think this cover is conceptually kind of boring. Beyonce is a super super superstar, and totally gorgeous, and therefore it makes sense to put her on your September issue (although it’s interesting to me that they’ve got her on the cover without anything — beyond Beyonce Inc, which, in fairness, probably would be incredibly interesting, if we ever saw the nuts and bolts of it, which we won’t — to promote) but when this popped up in my email, my first reaction was that they spun The Wheel of Acceptable Vogue Cover Combinations and came up with BEYONCE and MARIO TESTINO in A FANCY APARTMENT and just went with it. (Testino also shot the T Swift Vanity Fair cover. What with that, and this, and the Cambridge Family Photos, everything is coming up Testino lately.) (BTW, other possible combos on the The Wheel of Acceptable Vogue Cover Combinations include RENEE ZELLWEGER and ANNIE LEBOWITZ in A FIELD,  CAREY MULLIGAN and PATRICK DEMARCHELIER in ANOTHER FIELD, and KARLIE KLOSS and BRUCE WEBER in A RANDOM ROOM. We may have actually lucked out.)

On the other hand, her face looks great.

PS: I do think it’s interesting that you can buy this issue of Vogue from Amazon. To me, that is brilliant. You don’t want an entire subscription to Vogue, but you’d love this particular issue to show up with the rest of your mail, so beep bop boop over to Amazon and there you go. Sorted. To, I am sure, the great dismay of newsstands and bookstores everywhere, yet again.  But I think this is going to help Vogue‘s sales tremendously, because people hate to leave the house.  (This issue is, in fact, as I type this, #46 in Books, which…sigh. Amazon, I know they call the magazine “the book,” but it’s not ACTUALLY a book.)

PSS: if you want to check how you’re doing in this year’s Vogue Predict-A-Cover, here it is. I am doing TERRIBLY.

[Photos: Vogue]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Kristen Stewart on Nylon


K. Stew has gotten a LOT of covers lately. And I can’t say she’s not working them. This one is pretty good, right?

kristen-stewart-nylon-september-cover

I mean, yes, that tee shirt looks like you accidentally threw it into the dryer with a packet of razors, but the blazer is great and I feel like she’s FINALLY figured how what to do with her face on these things. Maybe the haircut just makes her feel more like herself, but while this photo would be weird if you ran across it on, say, InStyle, to me it feels bang-on correct for Nylon.

[Photo: Nylon]

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