Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fug and Fab the Cover: Various International Vogues

You guys, Gigi Hadid is having a GREAT year.

[Covers: Various Vogues]


Fug or Fab the Cover: Emily Blunt on InStyle, November 2016

This isn’t as bad as I originally thought, when I glanced at it at the grocery store, but it’s still not great.

Emily Blunt on InStyle

She looks pretty — although someone may want to tell InStyle that Emily Blunt arrived a long time ago — but her eyes are tripping me up. Look at them. They’re not QUITE looking directly at us. It’s as if she’s actually looking at a spot just fractionally to the side of the camera lens, or she spaced out for a second and started making her grocery list. It’s not far enough off to be clear that she’s looking elsewhere, but not dead-on, so her gaze isn’t connecting and it thus starts to feel dazed or vacant. Frankly, this whole cover could as easily have been a red carpet photo that they cropped and enlarged; that’s how weird and impersonal it feels. Am I crazy? I just want to snap my fingers in front of her face and see if her mind returns from its wanderings.

[Photo: InStyle]


Well Played Cover: Emma Stone on Vogue, November 2016

I mean, can we be honest? There is no way I wasn’t going to love this cover:

Emma Stone Vogue November 2016

Emma Stone in a Breton stripe — cropped or otherwise; this one is by Michael Kors — is possibly my platonic ideal of a magazine cover, second only to whenever Vogue remembers that Lupita Nyong’o always looks amazing on their covers and should be on one every year. This just has major personality — and using the “V” for their “vote” headline is clever (and a very good suggestion on their part). In addition to patriotism, Emma is promoting La La Land, which I am actually quite excited to see, and, for once the interior shoot is charming and seems to be telling an actual story (sometimes I feel like Vogue is all, “eh, I dunno. Stand her in front of a wall, then let’s make it look like she was hit by a car. Oh, then I guess we turn her into a Dust Bowl schoolteacher, and then end with…ugh, who cares? Maybe a milkmaid. Whatever.” Not in this case).

And, of course, nowadays one cannot be on the cover of Vogue without doing 73 Questions, it seems, and so Emma has complied. I have to admit, I was really distracted by eye-balling her apartment, but I also actually burst out laughing at a few of Emma’s answers. These videos never feel 100% natural — although the SJP one might have been the best, and the DanRad one was great – but you can always tell when someone is a decent actor. Which she is:

Major bonus points for the Britney imitation, obviously.

[Cover: Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott, Vogue]


Fug and Fab the Covers: Various International Vogues

It’s been a while since we’ve done this, and we have a lot to catch up on.

[Covers: Various Vogues]


Fug and Fab the Covers: The Elle Women in Hollywood Issue, November 2016

Lots to unpack here, and we shall. But first: about that cover line up hear Helens’s head. “The return of the lady shoe”? I admit, I’ve never had a grounding in fashion history or terminology — we started this blog, and have continued it, from a layperson/casual observer’s point of view — so I Googled “return of the lady shoe” and Google said to me, “Did you mean ‘return of the Jedi shoe’?” DID I, FUG NATION? DID I?

[Photos: Elle]


Fug the Cover: Zooey Deschanel on Cosmopolitan, November 2016

I’m one of those people that enjoys watching Zooey Deschanel. Every show has its weak stretches, but for the most part I really enjoy New Girl‘s brand of humor and I think that whole cast has good comic timing. It’s probably the vehicle in which I’ve most enjoyed her (most people probably say Elf), which is intriguing given that it’s also the role that made her polarizing. But what can I say? I will miss that cast when it goes, and “True American” was really a thing of weird, wonderful beauty.

Anyway: For whatever reason, I think Zooey doesn’t always translate to covers, this one being a prime example. There’s almost always something forced about it, as if they came in with an agenda stamped with words like WINSOME and EYES and of course the dreaded QUIRKY, and then stuff like this happens.

Cosmopolitan - November 2016 - Zooey Deschanel

Couldn’t they have just let her crack a proper grin? Her face here looks like someone just disemboweled a cartoon deer that had been singing jazz standards to her.

[Photo: Cosmo]


Fug or Fab the Cover: Demi Lovato on Glamour, November 2016

The last time we saw Demi Lovato on a major cover, it was Cosmo, and her body didn’t look recognizable. I thought it was a tricksy angle on her face, as well, but she’s more recognizable in that one than here:

Demi Lovato

The outfit is magazine-edgy; it’s not great, but it actually serves its purpose pretty well. The blouse under it is a weird mismatch that works in a fashion-spread context better than it would if she walked out with it and went to the store. The rings and the dark nail polish are totally up my street, and I also love that they’ve managed a bold lip and bold eyes without them looking crazy, and it’s amazing to see her freckles. All of that is good; she looks grown-up and polished. But it’s true that this doesn’t look like her either. She looks like herself crossed with Olivia Munn, mixed with “Oh, I know that girl… I think … Is she on a CW show? No, that’s… huh, maybe she just looks like someone I went to college with.” Obviously that’s where her name right by her head comes in really handy, and for that reason it matter somewhat LESS whether she looks instantly like Demi Lovato. This is a totally cute person. Is she the cute person I conjure in my mind when I think of Demi Lovato? Not entirely, and I think it’s because Glamour may have shaved off some of her chin and cheeks, basing it off a photo taken on Sept. 24. I love Demi’s face and don’t think she needs any adjustments made; maybe Glamour just played the contouring game, but I’m not so sure.

The article is a Q&A which touches on a lot of things, namely every young singer’s favorite topic: Growing up and addressing sexuality in their art when people were so used to them being child stars.

DL: I was judgmental of artists who were exploring their sexuality, and I thought, Why are they doing that? They don’t have to. They’ve got a good voice.

GLAMOUR: Like who?

DL: Christina Aguilera, during Dirrty [in 2002]. I thought, Her mom’s gonna hear that—how is she not embarrassed? Now I realize these artists were embracing a part of life I should be OK singing about as well. There’s nothing wrong with a woman being proud of an element of her life that’s talked about in rap music all the time! We don’t have music that talks about sexuality from a female standpoint. [...] it would be such a big deal. We live in an imbalanced society when it comes to encouraging male sexuality and discouraging female sexuality. In 20 years I hope we’ll look back like, ‘Wow, that’s how it used to be.’

And you’ve doubtless heard tell of the bit where she side-eyes Taylor Swift’s squad. It’s a long piece, so I’ll excerpt it after the jump:

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