Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fug or Fab the Cover: The Entertainment Weekly X-Files Cover


THEY’RE BACK:

xfilesEW

Is it wrong that my first reaction is, “God, Mulder, couldn’t you be bothered to shave for us?!” And then I thought about it: Mulder is, more than likely, spending his time eating sunflower seeds, absentmindedly tossing pencils at the ceiling (one is going to fall out and pierce the tender skin at the top of his ear, one of these days), and watching porn. NO, he could not be bothered to shave. And Scully looks mildly annoyed by it. This is truly business as usual.

PS: THE SMOKING MAN IS BACK? But he got BLOWN UP in the finale! A missile went through HIS FACE. WE SAW HIS SKULL.

PPS: What IS the story with Scully’s hair? That IS most important! FINALLY, EW, YOU TRULY UNDERSTAND ME.

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Fug the Covers: Kate Hudson and Kerry Washington on Glamour UK, July 2015


The UK edition of Glamour must not be able to see through its own crack haze. Case in point: This is supposedly Kate Hudson.

Kate Hudson: Glamour UK, July 2015

And, yes, elements of Kate Hudson still exist there,but this honestly looks more like they took a photo of Carrie Underwood — or even some random blonde from Central Casting — and then photoshopped Kate’s individual features onto it. That is not her face shape. It’s so strange. The rest of it is okay; I mean, I can at least imagine Kate Hudson wearing that outfit while curling up on a floor pillow and discussing with Goldie Hawn the intricacies of her most recent crane pose. It seems true to her. But the head… I don’t know. The rest is like a Kate Hudson lookalike that you hire to sing “Tiny Dancer” to your friend who looks just like a young Tony Danza (Phoebe Buffay would get that joke), or to work your How To Lose A Guy In Ten Minutes speed-dating party.

Kerry Washington is having the opposite problem, in that she might WISH this did not look like her, but it does:

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Nicki Minaj on Cosmopolitan, July 2015


We’ve got some other foreign Cosmo covers in here, too, but really this is all about La Minaj. I can’t really remember what her deal is now; she seemed to be trying to act for a while, and she stopped dressing like a clearance aisle in Toys R Us, but I’ve lost track of what the replacement messaging is. Maybe it’s just “confident.” I can get with that.

[Photos: Cosmo]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Cara Delevingne on Vogue, July 2015


Did anyone have Cara in the pool? It occurs to me that casting her in your movie DOES seem like a stroke of marketing genius if you’re interested in getting that movie covered by Vogue.

[Photos: Vogue]

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Fug and Fab the Cover: Elle Magazine July 2015


Oh, Elle. You had me at “RIGGINS IS BACK,” even if isn’t true the way I want it to be.

[Photos: Elle]

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Fug and Fab the Covers: A Variety of UK Magazines


Oh, man. This selection has some of the best subscribers covers I’ve seen in…a really long time.

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