Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fab and Fug: Mindy Kaling and Kate Upton Inside Vogue, April 2014


I made the argument that I thought Mindy Kaling would be a more in-touch cover choice for Vogue than Kim and Kanye, and the photo of her inside the issue affirms that for me. Kate Upton… not so much.

[Photos: Vogue]

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Fug or Fab The Inside Photos: Kimye Inside Vogue


“I KNOW Y’ALL PROBABLY MUMBLED THAT YOU THOUGHT WE’D BUNGLE THIS PHOTOGRAPHIC JUMBLE, BUT IF YOU THINK SO THEN LET’S RUMBLE, ‘CAUSE I THINK IT’S A GLORY BUNDLE, AND I’M NOT JUST BEING HUMBLE. WELCOME TO THE FUNGLE.”

[PHOTOS: VOGUE]

[Our coverage of the cover is here]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Kanye West and Kim Kardashian on Vogue, April 2014


My feelings about this are varied and complicated (and LONG, so I apologize), so let’s break them down together. (Or you can skip to GFY Kanye’s take at the bottom.)

[Photo: Annie Leibovitz/Vogue]

1) The look:

The dress fits her nicely. Credit to Kim for putting some zip into her eyes, too, but right half of her face is in semi-sinister shadow, which I LOVE imagining is because Anna Wintour secretly authorized a dash of Evil Shading. The lips and stripe of makeup on her left cheek just look half-assed, though. I’m sure the idea was to focus on the diamond engagement ring and nothing else, for some kind of forced regality, but overall, the lack of any other styling feels boring to me — surely an aesthetic choice to keep things extremely simple, but the result is that it looks like Brides, and not Vogue.

2) The Pose:

If the story is about both of them, it’s bizarre to me that Kanye is relegated to a footnote who’s just sniffing mopily at her neck; I agree with the praise for an interracial couple being on the cover, but if that is truly the achievement, then I don’t know why they couldn’t stand there more proudly as equals. Instead, he is stiffly cuddling the air in front of her uterus while her hands equally stiffly seem to be keeping his at bay. Why put him there at all? This feels like a compromise, as if Anna would only do it if Kanye were present, and Kanye is actively trying to force Kim front and center anyway so that he can call it a win. SPOILER: GFY Kanye agrees with that.

click for anna’s words, GFY Kanye, and the real gist

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Fug the Cover: Shailene Woodley on the Cover of Marie Claire


What. Is. Happening.

I mean…I guess…it’s eye-catching? You will NOT forget this cover. You may never forget this cover. You might wake up screaming, this cover burned on the inside of your eyelids. This cover might be the last thing you see before you die, quite frankly.

It’s just dumb. I get that she’s sort of sporty in Divergent, kind of, and this is a kind of sporty look, sort of,  in the way that fashion thinks sporty = neoprene and zippers? Not to mention the fact that Elle already put her in a swimsuit, and more successfully, AND that if someone removed the cover copy from this photo, you’d think it was going to be the cover of Self. And that there is literally no scenario in the entire history of human existence that a woman would wear this other than a magazine cover. And I’ve seen plenty of wacked out cover looks in my life and most of them, you could concoct a story about. “Well, you’d wear that when the aliens come to make them believe you’re Earth’s queen,” or “obviously that’s what you wear when you crack your head and wake up to believe that you’re a FABULOUS chicken.” This? Nope. I can’t.

[Cover: Marie Claire/Jan Welters]

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Fug or Fab the Cover/Spread: Emma Watson On Elle, April 2014


I feel like there is a LOT of text on this cover, some of which is making my eyes cross. But if you’re going to slap the words “Smooth, Radiant Skin” up there so prominently, Emma Watson’s face is a damn good one to be right next to it, even if she IS in a denim jumpsuit.

[Photos: Elle/Carter Smith]

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Fug or Fine the Covers: Khloe Kardashian and Ashley Benson on Cosmopolitan


Of course there are emojis on the cover of Cosmo. OF COURSE.

It makes sense — after all, Cosmo feels increasingly like it’s assuming the other demographics will still buy it no matter what, and so it’s targeting high-school girls, in the hopes of being the mag they’ll bring home in secret, and hide under their beds, because they want all the saucy sex and boy stuff that’s in there. To that end, we’ve got an actress on the cover who’s on a teen soap on ABC Family, and she’s in a sweater that COULD be, theoretically, the thing her preppy and potentially illicitly college-age boyfriend wore to a regatta and then she swiped it and took a selfie of herself in it and texted it to him (which totally ended up in the Internet, because texting saucy selfies to boys who might still be dipshits IS A BAD IDEA, LADIES). Ahem. All that said, while I think her right thigh angle is crazy-looking when we can’t see enough of the rest of her form, Ashley herself looks great — her face and hair really work.  The saucy-prepster thing is well-matched to the Sex Olympics theme, although I wish they hadn’t put “15 Easy Ways To Score An Extra $2,000″ right underneath that because people might get the wrong ideas.

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Next up is Khloe Kardashin on this month’s issue:

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