Fug File: Fug The Cover

Fug or Fab the Cover: Shailene Woodley on Elle, April 2015


Well, it’s striking enough.

Shailene Woodley, Elle April 2015

On the nitpicking note, I like it better when Elle just leaves its masthead spaced normally and doesn’t care how the cover model splashes over it. Scrunching the two Ls on either side of her head is distracting, especially the way they made it look like her arm is looped around the one on the right. I also think it looks like a mistake, rather than a Young or Wild or Free decision, to have the yellow words cut off on the sides.

As for the photo… look, you knew I wasn’t going to love the bathing suit. Why is there a patent-leather belt on it? Why are there bathing suits that are allergic to being worn in actual watery conditions? What’s more: If the top only even REMOTELY looks like it’s in the right place because her arms are over her head, imagine how it must fall down when she lowers them. The expression on her face says, “I know. This would not have been my choice either.” She clearly gave it what she could, but honestly, the inside photo is way more striking to me:

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Well Played, Serena Williams on Vogue, April 2015


I have a lot of thoughts. First of all, her hair looks awesome. Vogue‘s logo might as well not even be there. Who cares about the name of this magazine in the face of Serena’s awesome hair?

serena-williams-april-2015-cover-vogue

Second, I think she just looks great. Really striking and strong and glamorous. Most of all, I’m glad they resisted the impulse to do something gimmicky or silly and just went simple with her — it’s a lovely picture, but it also feels natural, which makes the whole thing seem more modern to me. I also love the article about her relationship with Caroline Wozniacki, because they’re my favorite Athlete Friendship out there, and they’re obviously crazy about each other. (I appreciate how Serena threatened to fly to Monaco and knock Caroline’s door down to help her through her break-up. Serena Williams might be the world’s best Get a Grip Friend.) I don’t think ANY of us predicted this one, but I for once am happy to be proven wrong.

[Photo: Vogue]

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Your Afternoon Man: Jon Hamm on GQ, April 2015


Did I squeak with undignified joy when I saw this cover?

GQ April Cover

Yes. Yes, I did. Will I perhaps purchase it solely to place it on my coffee table, so that I have some Dapper Handsomeness in my living room at all times? Yes, yes, I will. (Not to be confused with Draper Handsomeness. They’re very visually similar, but one of them is much, much more self-destructive.) Did Heather forward me the email containing this cover the instant it hit our in-box with a note saying, “I feel like this was destined for you — NAY, shot for you?” Yes, yes, she did.

But I would argue that this is for all of us.

[Photo: GQ]

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Fugs and Fabs The Cover: A Variety of International Vogues


VOGUES! So many Vogues.

[Photos: Vogue]

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Kerry Washington on Marie Claire, April 2015


What I like about this cover: The fact that her face really pops, and actually looks like her FACE — with her skin color and her features and everything, unlike that horrifying crime InStyle perpetrated.

Marie Claire April 2015: Kerry Washington

What I’m not sure about: whether I actually like this on its own merits. The hair might get in the way for me a little — if it were slicked back, so that we were JUST communing with her bone structure and that look in her eyes, it might’ve been nifty. There’s also something generally dull about it. I’ve seen it before. I know this is Marie Claire, so they were never going to go full nutballs on her, but I would love to see SOMEONE let her cut LOOSE with her. Like, say, sign her up for and let a real wackadoo photographer who calls him or herself an artiste put her in some funky poses and clothes and makeup. Or, better, have her on the cover looking like this:

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Fug the Cover: Hilary Duff on Cosmopolitan, April 2015


So, I have a theory: I think Hilary Duff waited to file for divorce until right before her Cosmo cover came out, so that her interview would get more media traction because people could — and since did – frame it as, “Hilary Duff Breaks Her Silence On Divorce,” and “Hilary Duff Tells Cosmo The Real Story,” etc. Which is very savvy timing — too savvy to be accidental.

hilary duff cosmopolitan april 2015

Then again, if true, then her good planning is being undercut by the unfortunate timing of “63 Secrets To Love that Lasts” being plastered on the shoulder of someone who’s trying to soar over the smoking embers of her marriage. I actually think Hilary could have looked cute on this cover — if she were in a properly sized motorcycle jacket and not one intended for an eleven-year old. And there have to be a ton of ways to cheekily match “back and kicking ass” to her body posture, which could’ve been playful. As it is, there is nothing easy or breezy about this cover girl. It’s neither joyful nor charismatic nor effortless. It is, in fact, coated in effort and then rolled in a crunchy coating of exertion and Panko. Everything feels placed, not posed; it’s a weird combination of someone who is desperate to find a bathroom because she washed down some bad cheese with a gallon of water, and a person who just threw out her knee AND pulled a butt muscle in trying to hold this pose. In either case, her face suggests she’s smiling through surprise and anguish, and that she’s psychically willing the photographer to call a time of death on this thing so she can put away her veneers and take a calming shot. At least her cleavage looks good? We’ve been begging Hollywood to use more linings, so here, Hilary, take that one made of silver.

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