Well Played, Hannah Tointon


I was going to put this up to a poll, but the more I looked at it, the more I decided I was going to TAKE A STAND and like it:

Hannah Tointon here was on Hollyoaks for one year, during which her character: took a bribe to move to America, but didn’t go; had a rageaholic murderer brother who beat up her boyfriend and then ran him over with a van; was kidnapped as bait when her Broken Legged Boyfriend’s Ex decided that she ALSO wanted to murder him (that guy must make some bad choices when it comes down to the people he hangs out with); ended up going off a bridge into a river whilst tied up in the back of a car; got kicked out of Community College Law School; blackmailed her way back into Community College Law School; nearly died of carbon-monoxide poisoning; cheated on her Broken Legged Boyfriend with some dude with whom she indulged in passionate shopping cart trolley races; and then left town. Considering all of that, I feel like she cleans up GREAT.

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Comments (46):

  1. The Other Molly

    Rashida Leah Jones!
    Look up and see how matching the right colors and wearing the correct color shoes works so well.

  2. Amanda

    Is that a giant bow /arm sling /pocket? I am NOT loving that.

  3. P

    I’m with Amanda. The hand in the boob sling makes me really uncomfortable.

  4. What's The New Black

    Yeah, I’m not loving that black thing either. I like the fact that there’s a detail on the dress (if you can even call that a detail, I mean, it’s huge), but it needs to look better.. less tacky.. or just.. different.


  5. Chasmosaur

    I’m confused.

    Any off the shoulder dress with a white top and black bottom is automatically fugged – no matter how well made or rocked by the wearer – because it reminds you guys of the prom dress from 90210, but this poorly made atrocity with a messed up bow across the top is fab?

    The side seams somehow manage to look both padded and puckered. And she can’t put her hand on her hip without looking like she’s in a sling. The color is undeniably great (although undeniably 80′s, which had a love affair with this color – my sister’s bridesmaid dresses can attest to that), but otherwise, this is just so blech.

  6. ceecee

    It looks like her left boob is making a break for freedom.

  7. Tara Misu

    Just say no to built-in slings. Yuck.

  8. Jessica

    I dunno. I just liked the color. We don’t have to always agree!

  9. christa

    This is NOT GOOD. Plus, I think the fabric looks starchy and cheap.

  10. Ang

    Um.. am I the only person who sees this person’s striking resemblance to Rachel McAdams?

  11. k

    agree to disagree

  12. roser

    Um Jessica? I respectfully disagree. But the color is niceā€¦

  13. Lupe

    Yeah, that sling is terrible. Her hand is in it. In it. In.

  14. Ranee Singleton

    I agree with Jessica that the colors are nice and I love the shoes.

    However, we are now officially looking at a boob bow muff that is not even being used as a handwarmer………and if it were, only one hand would be warm.

    Maybe she can use it to hold her purse?

  15. Andrea

    I may be slightly biased because I am not her biggest fan, but this is terrible! Why is the band over her boobs?

  16. Amber

    Don’t worry Jessica–I like it too! It’s one of those that could have gone very wrong, but yet, somehow manages to look right. Not on everyone, for sure, but on her, at this moment, it works, boob sling and all.

  17. Chasmosaur

    Not saying we’re going to always agree. But this just has me stumped. While it’s a great color on the pretty Miss Tointon here, that’s about all it has going for it. Well, that and she looks like she’s wrangling her girls well – no wardrobe malfunction possibility here. I certainly like the concept better than Olivia Wilde’s half-transparent dotted swiss thing the other day. But it just looks so cheap and it doesn’t quite fit her.

    I went over to Getty images and looked at other angles. I thought maybe you guys were privy to some better pictures of this dress. But then I saw this:


    It looks to be gaping away from her back and the seams look even worse from the side. Maybe it’s just because I come from a family that used to own a costuming company that used to employ some of the most amazing seamstresses I’ve ever seen, but I feel like for what this couture costs, it shouldn’t look cheap and it should fit properly. And surprisingly, that’s Marchesa – they do have some really interesting dresses in their girly-yet-origami-adjacent mode in this color in the current Resort collection, but this didn’t show up in the collection on their website.

  18. Louisa

    And there we go. Another giant bow (or bow-like thing), and I hate it. Julianne Moore has this one.

  19. Miranda

    Lupe, you are quite funny and right on the mark.

  20. Claire L

    I would like the black if it didn’t end in an arm sling.

  21. Danni

    Actually, I don’t think the hand is in the sling but on her waist – just an unfortunate photo angle.

    Also don’t think that anybody at the Inbetweeners movie premiere (which I admittedly am looking forward to seeing sometime, because it just looks like a fun thing) are of the ranks where people throw clothes and accessories at them to show off in public.

    Then again she happens to be a very charming actress… so that might be what makes me want to go easy on her.

  22. ss

    WHY have I never watched this Hollyoaks that sounds like good times..why oh why?

  23. Christopher G

    Sorry Jessica, usually I’m with you or at least understand why not. No, I don’t think it’s a boob,hand sling, but what it is? Well it’s a designer who thinks they’re being funky or rad, but aren’t. Fail. (But yes she looks nice in the colour.)

  24. Julie

    She is the worst actress ever, which must inevitably colour my judgement of her. But it’s OK for a Hollyoaks actress! So I guess it’s a win. Sigh, I miss the days of Craig/John-Paul. Slow-burning gay true love FTW! Sunset ending and all…

  25. jenny

    Jessica, don’t mind the negativery — it’s funky but refreshing and she’s wearing it well, with great accessories.

  26. Claire

    Let’s not forget that she also had to put up with almost having sex with Simon on the Inbetweeners, which was probably the most scarring experience of all. The girl is truly a hero.

  27. katie

    Safety first!
    You never know when you might sprain your left wrist, damnit! This girl is ready.

  28. TVGurl

    See photo above for a snapshot of this dress in 25 years.

  29. Imogen

    i’m with you on the colour jess, but the overall look i’m not loving. eek!

  30. NYCGirl

    I am also going to respectfully disagree. The bow is too big and that shade of pink makes my eyes hurt.

  31. ccm800

    BLECH! That block thing looks like medical equipment…some truss/sling – YUCK! She is a pretty pretty girl and that is a crap dress. AND it looks home-made.

  32. vandalfan

    I don’t go for the black boob-obi.

  33. Emma

    Ew, what? It’s neon pink and black which is a cruddy combination for a start, and then there’s the origami boob-bandage…

    I’m going to take a stand and demand that you retract your resolution to take a stand.

  34. Sajorina

    I would totally wear that, therefore I love it! FAB!

  35. KaTo

    Yuck. It’s like a Project Runway design that I think is going to be awesome at the beginning of the show and then the runway leads to What The Heck Happened?! moment

  36. amy t.

    God I miss Hollyoaks. I hate that they stopped showing it over here.

  37. Belly

    If this was on anyone older, you would punish them. I’m a youngin’ too (even though using that term almost makes me old), and I think this is fug. This is the acid taking, convoluted, anal mashup of the Oscar De La Renta Pre-Fall 2011 dress that Kristin Davis wore.

  38. Belly

    Waaaaait… I actually liked K. Dav’s dress. It had a silhouette that was awesome sauce.

  39. Jamie


  40. Meh

    I’m with you, Jessica. I like this…a lot!

  41. Jamie

    Oh! It’s MARCHESA! And I hate it. Should have known.

  42. yeahandalso

    this is horrible….somebody tied a random piece of fabric around her boobs and she sticks her hand in it?!?!?!? ahhhh

  43. Scott

    Oh Jessica. Where is Intern George? He should be whisking you away to the local day spa, having you recline while he massages your temples and drops grapes into your mouth, for you clearly need a bit of a breather.

  44. gopenguingo

    pop punk wedding invitation.
    make and hair are cute, though.

  45. Sarah

    I really hate her.

  46. Squirrel!

    I’m ambivalent about this. Don’t know this person, so am not biased by the wearer. I do like the color combination, whether or not it evokes the ’80s. The bow, however, could be done better — although her hand is not actually IN the bow sling, it certainly LOOKS as though it is, and any part of an outfit that produces that kind of trompe l’oeil should be avoided.