Fug File: people we don't see out much

Fug or Fab: Kim Basinger

I actually think she looks foxy.

Kind of like if Robert Palmer dressed up his backup dancers as Bowie SWINTONs and then cast them in a movie called Single White Gosling, in which a bunch of people try to live like they are Ryan in an effort to achieve world peace through mass suavitude. My chief reservation is with the head-styling: Is it too severe for this? Or too costumey? Flowing hair might’ve been sexier with the suit, and her red lipstick feels a few shades too hot; it’s washing out her face and veering into Wax Lips territory, which I wholeheartedly support on her own time, but generally what a woman does with her Mini Babybel casings is best left between her, her kitchen garbage can, and her living room sofa.

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[Photo: Fame/Flynet]


Tony Awards: Fugs and Fabs and Hmms

It’s time to montage some of these people — we have a Swedish royal wedding to get to, people.

[Photos: Getty, WENN]


Total Eclipse of the Fug

The good news: Bonnie Tyler is BACK, and she’s representing Great Britain in this year’s Eurovision Song Contest.

The bad news is, early hints suggest her song is called “Shake Your Polterwang.”

[Photo: WENN]


Well Played, Emma Samms

It’s been a while, but she looks basically exactly the same:

And for that, and her polka-dots, I give her a hearty round of applause. You know what else would make me clap for joy? A Models Inc. revival. Come on — we’ve resurrected 90210, Melrose Place, even Dallas. Dynasty is too much of a sacred cow for me, but don’t we all want to know where the models went? Remember how Carrie-Anne Moss was drugged and sold into sex slavery? And how the girl who was thrown off the balcony in the pilot turned out to have a dead-ringer sister? And there was the boring pouty girl who was on Melrose and keyed the spinoff and ended the series in rehab, and the mean blonde Australian who was totally awesome, and Garcelle Beauvais, who shot her abusive ex. And so many people with Secret Pasts. And did Emma Samms’ character REALLY get shot at the big wedding? I mean, if Kickstarter is going to become a breeding ground of Hollywood projects, let’s make it count.

[Photo: Getty]


Oscars Fug Carpet: Gabrielle Anwar

Are they making an Aerosmith biopic?

Because I think we have a candidate to play Steven Tyler.

[Photo: Getty]


Fug the Show(s): New Year’s Eve Countdowns

I was going to say, “I don’t know why I bother to watch these things,” but that would be a lie: I DVR them SPECIFICALLY so that we can all have a laugh at whatever hopeless shenanigans are passing for Exciting. New Year’s Eve. Entertainment. It’s like the universe wants to remind us all that the calendar may change, but fug is forever.

[Photos: Splash, my phone]