This takes me back, way back, to when I would sneak all my mother’s copies of Good Housekeeping to read the “My Problem And How I Solved It” column, which was almost always about someone discovering and/or committing infidelity in a totally juicy manner. All of these ladies, I believe, were on the cover of those magazines at one point, along with people like Deborah Raffin and Connie Sellecca (whose names make me wonder which current cover stars will end up as distant, dated, remote figures to my kids and their kids; my money is on, like, Teri Hatcher and Poppy Montgomery, or something).

Anyhoo, backtrack up memory lane and check out this picture.

Kim Alexis has a hem problem. Beverly Johnson has a lining problem that’s consequently giving her the appearance of a granny-panty problem, and the Jessica-christened Noted Crackpot Carol Alt has an issue where she’s turned her sleeves into little individual arm ponchos. However, at least they’ve all still got it figured out from the neck up, which for most mortals is the really hard part. Seriously, has Beverly Johnson in particular aged even a day? Her face looks fantastic, and unmarred by intrusive chemical paralysis.  That makes the crime against her abdomen here even MORE unfair. It’s like that funky-shaped lining is dropping anchor on her torso and dragging her down with it. Do not drown in the crazy, Beverly. Leave that for the Gagas of the world.

[Photo: Getty]