Fug File: Downton Abbey

Fug the Show: Downton Abbey Recap, Episode 606

This episode truly had it all: kissing (in the rain, no less)! Tours of grand British estates (only my favorite thing ever)! Crying! Headbands! Bertie giving Mary a dirty look on Edith’s behalf! Wise children! Crying underbutlers! Surprise fiancees! It seems that Old York’s Hottest Club IS Downton Abbey.

As ever, if you’ve seen this season in its entirety, please don’t spoil the rest of us. We VERY MUCH appreciate your restraint…and before we know it, the secrets of all hearts shall be disclosed. We only have three more episodes to go! (Note: there will not be a new episode on February 28th, and thank God, because putting the series finale of Downton up against the Oscars would have been terribly, terribly mean.)


Fug the Show: Downton Abbey Recap, Episode 605

This episode was, simply put, a roller-coaster. I laughed out loud and I clapped with glee. There was Matthew Goode, and kissing, and beer, and great outfits — possibly the best of the series to date –and burgeoning romance for the very middle-aged. I also laughed at Bates for the first time in…our shared existence, I think.  But something very upsetting also happened, in a manner far more upsetting than I would have predicted. For once, Julian Fellowes, the Dramatic Event did not happen off-screen. Shall we go in?

PS: As ever, if you’ve seen this season in its entirety, please don’t spoil us! Thank you! Additionally, I am now recapping via the season six DVDs, which came out on Tuesday, and which are the British version, so it’s POSSIBLY slightly different from what PBS has brought us. I’ll try to note any changes or differences if I see them.


Fug the Show: Downton Abbey recap, Episode 604

AT LAST! Matthew Goode, it feels like we’ve been waiting forever. I cannot drag out this prelude any longer! To the warm embrace of your manly arms!

Okay, that was a lie. Some preliminary thoughts, before we leap onto Matthew Goode’s lean, tuxedoed form: I actually enjoyed this episode quite a lot — some of the Violet scenes were gloriously quippy — and the outfits were extra good, and Branson being back is a joy and also, obviously, my future husband Matthew Goode is a delectable treat of a man ALTHOUGH MY GOD JUST TELL HIM YOUR HUSBAND DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT, MARY, THIS IS SO OBVIOUSLY A SOURCE OF CONFLICT BETWEEN YOU TWO AND IT’S DUMB, SO DUMB, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE HE REALLY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN ANYWAY BECAUSE THE DOWNTON HEIR CRASHING HIS CAR INTO A TREE ON THE DAY OF HIS CHILD’S BIRTH WOULD HAVE BEEN SOME HOT GOSSIP. ARGH. On that tip, the Bateses inability to tell each other anything EVER drives me bonkers but…well, we’ll get into that. Will we ever.

PS: A gentle reminder to please be mindful of spoilers if you’ve already seen this season. I know it’s so tempting to be like, “ooooh, you’re going to love what happens when Batman shows up!” (or whatever), but please refrain! Thank you very very much for everyone’s thoughtfulness thus far as regards this issue.


Fug the Show: Downton Abbey Recap, Episode 603

First, and most importantly, if Matthew Goode doesn’t show up soon, I SHALL SURELY PERISH. Second, this episode was a vast improvement over last week’s, and, yes, that means I cried more than once.

As ever, if you’ve seen this season already, please don’t spoil us on upcoming events. Thank you very much for understanding. To the reception hall!


Fug the Show: Downton Abbey Recap, Episode 602

YOU GUYS. Mrs Pig Farmer is back (and she’s kinda turned into a kidnapper, not that you can totally blame her). Can Sarah Bunting, Ingrown Bikini Line Hair, be far behind?? In other news, EvilButler.com is terribly gloomy and Edith actually looks amazing despite the fact that her life choices to give up her child for adoption, then go get her, then give her to a pig farmer, then change her mind again, has once again come to bite us all on the ass. All that said, I’m afraid I thought this episode was a bit of a snooze, all Setting Things Up For Later without anything really happening. Yes, even the kidnapping was kind of half-assed.

To the Downton well! I wonder who we’ll find down there. Mayhap a Gutenberg Bible!

PS: As ever, if you have seen this season, please don’t spoil those of us who haven’t! Thank you very much for being so careful about that in general. It’s incredibly appreciated.


Fug the Show: Downton Abbey recap, season six, episode one

At last, it’s back! I am wholly unspoiled — as ever, we thank those of you who’ve seen this season already for letting us watch without spoiling us; you are the best — and I cannot wait. This premiere brought moments that made me clap with glee, a few that made me cry, one that made me mutter, “this is a great way to get murdered,” and — the hallmark of a good Downton episode — one scene in which I spent the entire time saying, “KISS HER!” To the boot room! Wait, the boot room is terrible. To the well! No, that’s not right either. To the library! And may everyone’s Gutenberg Bible eventually be located, and fingers crossed for eventual full frontal Matthew Goode.


Your Afternoon Downton Abbey

On the off chance you didn’t see the trailer for the final season of Downton Abbey, released a couple of days ago:

A) WHYYYYY  are you leaving me, Downton, although, also, it’s probably good that you’re going out before Julian Fellowes would be forced to either kill off Violet, or make her a vampire.

B) WHERE IS MATTHEW GOODE? If we don’t get Matthew Goode on Downton OR on The Good Wife, my rage will be palpable and I’ll be liable to…well, type really furiously into the internet. Really quite furiously!

C) I assume that every moment in which Poor Edith looks happy is immediately followed by (a) the building exploding, (b) the person at whom she is smiling dropping dead, (c) Nazis.

D) If Bates gets arrested again, I quit (hahahaha jk it’s too late to quit now).

E) As ever, we Americans are v. jealous of those of you who don’t have to wait until JANUARY to watch this; also as ever, thank you for not spoiling us for lo these many seasons. Never in my life have I been more spoiler-phobic than about this show. Wait, that’s a lie. For the last week before the final Harry Potter book came out, I only visited like two sites on the internet and one of them was this one, out of fear of getting spoiled. I literally raced through it because I had tickets for the Hollywood Bowl the day after it was published, and I knew that if I was in the Wine Line and someone in front of me was all, “I can’t believe Dumbledore actually was time-traveling Ron after all!!!!” it would have ruined my entire life. I would have been all:


F) Time-traveling aside, all I know is, this season better be full of people making out, romantic declarations, villains being pushed down wells, and the discovery, at long last, of Lord G’s missing Gutenberg Bible. Let’s all cross our fingers.

PS: If you need to revisit our Downton recaps, they live here. To the Boot Room!