Fug File: blue

Well Played, Kylie Minogue

Oh, Kylie Minogue:

You are adorable, and I want this outfit. Sure, it’s 100% YSL and therefore would cost me, like, a couple months worth of rent. But I’m just saying. If The Secret is real (it’s not), then this package that Jose, my UPS guy (we’re friends; I order a lot of stuff) just delivered from Amazon will ACTUALLY contain this outfit, instead of what I’m pretty sure it really contains (Ponds face wipes, duct tape, organic bug spray). EVERYBODY THINK POSITIVE.

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]


Desperate Housefugs

Well, well, well. What have we here?

It seems the Widow Longoria is branching out…TO THE GREAT WHITE WAY.

Right? She is on her way to a performance of the All Singing, All Tap-Dancing, All Navy-Blue Bazooms Over Broadway, isn’t she? This is going to be epic!

What? She’s going to Letterman? Are you sure? Really? Okay. No, I believe you. I’m sure you know what you’re talking about.

Um. Nice legs? Sure. Let’s just stick with that.

[Photo: Splash]


Fug and Fab the Blue

Apparently, Perez Hilton’s birthday party theme this year was called the Blue Ball, which… cue the dad from A Christmas Story, and we’ll leave it at that. But it’s always fun to see which people take themes to crazy extremes — you’ll recall Leona Lewis wore a mask last year to this same bash; this year it’s Selena Gomez – and which just come for the booze and trot out a regular old dress (ahem, Raven Symone).

Fug Madness 2009 winner Aubrey O’Day is back in resplendent wacktacular form here, with her poofy skirt and neck sleeves and sparkly tube top that may or may not be velvet. Something about the way her necklace hangs there keeps giving me the optical illusion that her top is a bra that has shifted 90 degrees to the side, just like all the hideously uncomfortable and ineffective strapless bras I’ve ever owned. And let’s not forget the piece of skirt lining that’s sneaking up over the high waistline. It’s like Limited Too Goes To The Prom In 1996, crowned with a Chico’s throw. Oh, girl. You epitomize the idea that simply putting on clothes does not an outfit make; sometimes that just ends up with you wearing your Goodwill pile.

[Photos: FlynetOnline.com]


Awesomely Played, Helen Mirren

Because sometimes in a world of pantless starlets, Excel spreadsheets, impending taxes, and global unrest, you just want to spent ten minutes with someone who is awesome.


The Notorious F.U.G.

I have missed Lil’ Kim:

It goes without saying: I also miss her old face. She sort of looks like she decided to borrow this one from LaToya Jackson.

She may have also borrowed….well, what is she wearing? It looks like something you’d make in the beading aisle of Michaels for a cocktail party. After you’d been trapped in that particular Michaels for five years because that was the only place in town that you were safe from the zombies — zombies being notoriously scared of hot glue guns — and the cocktail party was happening over where they kept the plastic champagne glasses, and the cocktails were made of turpentine and the hors d’oeuvres consisted solely of those Styrofoam balls of varying circumference and you were all OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MINDS.



Oscars Fug or Fab Party/Independent Spirits Well Played: Rosario Dawson

For a variety of weird reasons, Rosario Dawson — of all people — has become kind of a GFY touchstone.

Mostly, because  there was the time that I almost died because of her. (She also has a very small but pivotal moment in our book.) And I guess all of that has combined to make me think of her fondly even though I have only seen in her two movies ever, and they were Rent (in which I actually thought she was quite good, although I HATE that role) and Josie and The Pussycats, which is obviously one of the finest works of cinema of the twentieth century.  And so my judgment may be clouded as far as she is concerned at this point in the universe, but I think I like this? Although it is a basically a bathrobe? I mean, it’s a GLAMOUROUS bathrobe, but I am pretty sure it is in fact a bathrobe.

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BUT WAIT. There’s more!


Oscars Well Played, and Earlier in the Week, CRAZILY PLAYED: Juliette Lewis

Okay. I’ve decided that Juliette Lewis is actually TWINS:

This is the good twin — the Elizabeth Wakefield, if you will. Well-groomed, charming-looking, BEAUTIFULLY-dressed, the person to whom you’d happily entrust the care of your children — responsible, mature, beautiful Juliette Lewis.

And then there’s the Jessica Wakefield