Fug File: blue

Fug or Fab: Uma Thurman’s Blue Period


Wow. After that minor hiatus — that’s what we’ll call the period when she did The Accidental Husband and My Super Ex-Girlfriend; she was working, but was she really? — Uma Thurman has no fewer than six projects lined up for 2012. So she made a splash at Cannes in several flattering outfits, including no fewer than three electric-blue ensembles designed to make you sit up and take notice and say, “Wait, is Uma Thurman in The Smurfs?” and then dash to her IMDb page and learn that, no, she is not, but, yes, she is in a boatload of other things you may want to see, including the third Kill Bill, set for 2014. And then you can sleep at night knowing you are fully Uma’d up in here.

How does she make you feel?

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Born This Fug


Nicki Minaj. Katy Perry. Jessie J. Scores of people overshadowing her, criticism over her new single, and the fact that her people ALLEGEDLY put a stop to a Weird Al parody f one of her songs. What’s a poor, beleaguered, mid-backlash Gaga to do?

It should be no surprise to you that the answer is, “Dress like a novelty condom.” And it should be even LESS surprise to you that the OTHER answer is extremely not-safe-for-work.

click if you dare

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Met Ball Fug or Fab: Maggie Gyllenhaal


For as cracked-out as Stella McCartney herself looked, she did a nice job dressing our once-and-possibly-future Fug Nemesis Maggie Gyllenhaal here:

The color is pretty, the neckline is nice, and Maggie pulled out some soft hair minus her usual treadmill wisps. At the moment, I’m feeling it.

this too shall pass… maybe

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Royal Wedding Fug: Tara Palmer-Tomkinson


I really wish you could see the wonk in socialite Tara P-T’s nose. It basically recently collapsed, because — she’s admitted this — prolonged cocaine use jacked it up almost beyond repair. She kept touching the right side of it really gingerly, as if making sure it hadn’t shifted any further to the left. Oh, Tara. You are a delight.

A delight, and presumably a canoeing enthusiast, as she’s strapped one to her skull. Do we think this is what became of Violet Beauregard? A rampant drug habit brought on by years of ritual juicings, ending in her at a royal wedding holding her nose in place while a very cold horizontal Dutch person goes clogging on her forehead? Poor Violet. At least Veruca got a golden egg on her way down to the incinerator.

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Well Played, Kylie Minogue


Oh, Kylie Minogue:

You are adorable, and I want this outfit. Sure, it’s 100% YSL and therefore would cost me, like, a couple months worth of rent. But I’m just saying. If The Secret is real (it’s not), then this package that Jose, my UPS guy (we’re friends; I order a lot of stuff) just delivered from Amazon will ACTUALLY contain this outfit, instead of what I’m pretty sure it really contains (Ponds face wipes, duct tape, organic bug spray). EVERYBODY THINK POSITIVE.

[Photo: Pacific Coast News]

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Desperate Housefugs


Well, well, well. What have we here?

It seems the Widow Longoria is branching out…TO THE GREAT WHITE WAY.

Right? She is on her way to a performance of the All Singing, All Tap-Dancing, All Navy-Blue Bazooms Over Broadway, isn’t she? This is going to be epic!

What? She’s going to Letterman? Are you sure? Really? Okay. No, I believe you. I’m sure you know what you’re talking about.

Um. Nice legs? Sure. Let’s just stick with that.

[Photo: Splash]

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