So, you know Jan Jones here is dating Jason Sudeikis, right? Well, allegedly. No one’s confirmed it, but COME ON: They’ve been seen all over town in each other’s company, and they went to the Emmys together, which seems like a pretty serious date to me. It is like TV star prom, after all. There is something that annoys me about the fact that the apparently smart, funny Sudeikis went from being married to one of the 30 Rock writers to dating easily the weakest, least dynamic host SNL has ever seen. Jones seems like such a blank slate. On the other hand, I get it. I mean, look at her:
She IS gorgeous. It’s impossible to deny. But she is also one of those people who always seem like she’s got no there there. Luckily, there is a lot of there in that dress, so let’s talk about that, instead. The color, I love. I don’t even totally hate the hemline. I do feel like the texture of the dress, in photos, makes it look a bit like the winning entry in a Project Runway challenge in which the designers are forced to make evening gowns out of items found at the local Party City. And while I can just HEAR Michael Kors waxing poetic about how this dress made of flattened cupcake liners has transformed her into a Luxembourgian taxi dancer with a delicious secret, or something — I feel like he sometimes plays Mad Libs in his mind when coming up with his commentary, like, his usual internal monologue is ” Call her a [NATIONALITY WITH DISTINCTIVE OUTFITS AT MISS UNIVERSE] [TACKY JOB] with [ADJECTIVE][NOUN]” and I love him for it — for me, she is a bit of a scroll-up fug. In other words: I probably could have lived with the dress if she hadn’t whiffed it with the hair. I am sure that if I had that head on my body, I too would feel like I could do whatever I wanted with it and still look good, and that is essentially true for her. But maybe not for the Emmys. Starbucks, yes. Red carpet: no.
What do you think? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you have unresolved Betty Draper issues that you’re working out? Would you change the hemline? Or the bodice? Or the hair? Or would you abstain from changing a thing? Do tell.
