SAG Awards Fugs and Fabs: The Dudes

Let’s eyeball some DUDES.

[Photos: Getty, INF]


Fug the Show: Hart of Dixie recap, season 4, episode 2

In which everyone is REALLY REALLY orange again. Did Hart of Dixie get a special deal on bronzer this season? That said: this was a very satisfying episode on many levels. Last week, Zoe told Wade she was having his baby and he drunkenly stumbled home to Lavon and George and told them. Then he drunkenly stumbled BACK over to Zoe’s and spent the night outside her cottage, trying to get her to come out and talk to him:

Hart of Dixie Recap

She did not, because she spent the night at Lavon’s Mansion of Plentiful Breakfast Items. (George is also there. Maybe George also slept over, because everyone was drunk? Let’s not ask WHY Zoe decided to sleep over at Lavon’s instead of in her own bed, or how it was finagled that she was to sleep there without Wade — who, last we saw, was WITH Lavon — finding out. Secret text messages? Whatever. This is not important. But this is also why I once spent an hour trying to figure out the configuration of a room in The Royal We to determine where everyone was standing for one extremely minor moment that eventually got cut. I LOVE LOGISTICS. This is also why someone at a former job in my former life once rudely referred to me as “the continuity Nazi.” PERSONALLY I don’t think a careful eye on continuity in storytelling IS A BAD THING BUT ANYWAY.)

Let’s just bask in the many many many breakfast items on order at The House of Lavon:

Hart of Dixie Recap

As we discussed last week, and have done before, this is one of the many reasons that Lavon should not, in any just world, be single ever. He is: handsome, tall, charming, a former football mega-star, the mayor, owner of a glorious home, a snappy dresser, kind, a very good friend, a great cook, and unfailingly generous. (George, while also a decent dude, HAS left a woman at the altar, which might account for some of his romantic roadblocks. Bad PR.) So, anyway, Wade and Zoe of course run into each other over the Breakfast for A Thousand By Mayor Lavon Hayes, and Wade is basically a total idiot, although he’s TRYING to have the right response to the news of his forthcoming spawn. George and Lavon make all kinds of humorous faces as Wade does things like offer to teach the baby to fish and noting that although he knows nothing about babies, Zoe is a doctor and she can do all the work. “It’s like a car crash. I can’t look away,” Lavon says. Wade says he wants to get back together, and  Zoe…basically storms off again. And George and Lavon are like, “DUDE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” And Wade is like, “I know. I’m the worst.”

Hart of Dixie Recap

I do think this is slightly insane. We all know they’re getting back together. They love each other, and they’re having a baby. And they love each other. And they live in the same compound. Now, of course, it’s all about the journey and actually — SPOILER — the getting back together happens tonight, so that’s exciting and the back and forth can’t really make me that irked, not really, because at least now it’s done, and I would have complained if there HADN’T been some back and forth, so there you go. Of other import: Lavon’s monogrammed PJs have taught me that his middle initial is R. What do we think that stands for? Lavon Romeo Hayes?

While we ponder this, Lemon is over at the Rammer Jammer berating Carl Winslow to give up his source for the story that blew open the fact that her fake relationship with Hot Henry was in fact fake, but Carl Winslow would NEVER GIVE UP HIS SOURCES!

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WTF: Kris Jenner in Chanel at Couture Week

To those of you who will say, “Please stop featuring these people,” my response of choice for TODAY is: I cannot deprive Fug Nation of the chance to laugh at the unintended amusements of this person together. Because COME ON.

kris jenner see-through pants Chanel

I mean, congratulations on having those legs as a mom of six, but YOU ARE OFF YOUR TREE, YOU ABSURD PERSON. She looks like a caricature of Kim rolled in a crunchy Lagerfeldian coating and drizzled in delusion. It’s so unintentionally hilarious. What would one call the cartoon that is Kris, I wonder? I had a truly offensive Family Circle joke percolating that I won’t use, so right now I’m torn betweeen Barfield, For Jenner or For Worse, Goonsbury, or Obnoxtrot.

[Photo: Splash]


SAG Awards Fugs and Fabs: Ladies in Basic Black (And Navy Blue)

“Basic” is not ALWAYS an insult. (PS: If you think we’ve missed someone, it’s likely we already tackled them — Emma Stone, for example, stands alone.)

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


SAG Awards Alexisly Played: Joan Collins


Our recapping slates are pretty full, but we probably HAVE to try to cover The Royals in some capacity, because of how Joan Collins will be on it as the Grand Duchess Helena (how she got that title remains to be seen — by the sounds of things her daughter Elizabeth “Queen Helena” Hurley is married to the king and not the blood heir herself — or, indeed, may never be explained). I don’t know how we are going to pull it off, but if Joan Collins can still give me Dynasty-style palpitations then I probably need to see where it goes. And she CAN still do it:

joan collins sag awards 2015

She is so fabulously legendarily Joan. Just please throw a drink in someone’s face soon. Actually, throw one in MY face. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?

[Photo: Getty]


SAG Awards Fug or Fab: Paula Patton in Aiisha Ramadan

“Hi, everyone.”

Paula Patton sag awards 2015

“Yes, I AM still trying to make up for basically everything I wore during the ‘Blurred Lines’ era. Yes, I realize it’s going to take a while. No, I’m not sure if this works or not — someone asked if my chest had beads, or fossilized sneezes – and yeah, I do hope you don’t look at the closeup.”

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