As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. Enjoy.
(2) KIM KARDASHIAN vs. (10) EMMA ROBERTS
This dress is so unspeakably bad, I can’t NOT lead with it.
Emma didn’t go out a ton this year, so it’s mind-boggling that when she scored the Golden Globes invitation, she picked a gown that’s more in keeping with her creepy Coachella wardrobe than with actual formalwear.
Which is worse: the side view, or the front?
Correct answer: yes.
But other than that, Emma Roberts is, by and large, here because of her insane Coachella ensembles. And since that’s basically a giant paparazzi field nowadays, I am not giving passes anymore for “Oh, it’s the desert, it’s hot, it’s a long three days, people just need to survive.” Because people can survive there just fine without wearing teeny tiny rompers:
Emma, in fact, frequently has questionable taste in bottoms.
I think Auntie Julia would have concerns about what those shoes evoke alongside those shorts. You feel me. (I’m talking about prostitution, by the way.)
It would be remiss of me not to experience this with you all over again:
Presumably she had to MAKE that. Right? Are there any stores that sell tube-top homages to car washes?
Kim has a Coachella sensibility in her that’s lurking under the surface…
… or in this case, bubbling out through all her pores and creating a tsumani of WTF.
She also has problems with her taste in casualwear. Pregnant, not pregnant, doesn’t matter: These pants should not exist.
This jumpsuit perfectly encapsulates why we almost always hate jumpsuits. You think it’ll be simple, casual, maybe chic, but it’s actually dumpy and billowy and strange. Those are the three dwarfs who are so irrirating, they got kicked out of the house by the other seven.
Congratulations to Kim for bravely admitting her crippling inner-elbow-sweat problem, and receiving such kind support from the fashion world.
Dear Kim: “babydoll dress” is NOT just a different way of saying “maternity clothes.” Unless you WANT to run the risk that we can see the baby’s gender for ourselves?
Speaking of The Babye and its father: Much has been made over the fact that apparently Kanye is encouraging Kim not to dress so sexy all the time. I think it’s doing it out of love. Because he knows — you KNOW he knows — what a gangrenous mess this is:
Not that he’s been a uniformly great influence since they started dating and gestating. I mean, Kanye DESIGNED THESE GODAWFUL ABHORRENT PEARL-NECKLACE SHOES, after all, and since the entire outfit is what she wore to sit front-row at his fashion show, odds are he actually had a hand in all of it. He also attended a Marchesa show with her while she wore a glorified mop head, and what heinousness is happening on her head here? Does him have a phobia of letting her hair loose if she forgot her weekly hot-oil treatment?
I really wish he’d talked her out of wearing this, too. And to a lunch date. HE also seems to wish he’d tried harder. Kanye’s face is ALL CAPS right there.
(3) CARLY RAE JEPSEN vs (11) HALLE BERRY
Halle Berry’s wardrobe sometimes is a classic example of Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should.
Just because you CAN wear a see-through shirt, nearly see-through bra, and a suit that makes you look like Crocodile Dundee has taken to designing formal wear, it doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
Just because you CAN wear a leopard satin and lace-trimmed dress from Contempo Cougars, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
Just because you CAN put this on without your entire entourage laughing you out of the house, doesn’t mean you SHOULD (but you CAN and SHOULD fire your entourage).
And just because you CAN give somebody money in exchange for elastic-knee Hammer shorts, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. AT ALL. EVER. Much as with Jessica, these go beyond casualwear and into something that acutely hurts my feelings.
As do these shoes:
Somebody’s living room couch in, oh, 1986, looked just like those shoes. I know it.
This looks like a scene from a teen flick where they’re doing a modernized, musical Romeo and Juliet as their school play and the heroine is a girl from San Francisco who moved to a small town and shook up its staid, backward sensibilities. Let’s be frank: I’d probably see that movie. But I wouldn’t want to dress up like it.
It cannot be overstated that CRJ being older than Lady Gaga blew my mind.
Apparently it blew other people’s, too, because her team keeps shoving her into ill-fitting, childish rompers. I guess they’ve decided Kids Today don’t want to squeal over anyone as ancient as a 26-year old (I’m sure Reawakened Heartthrob Adam Levine, for one, has contrasting thoughts about that); won’t relate to someone who dresses like a normal human being (Taylor Swift, for all her foibles, probably disagrees); or won’t pledge their love to somebody unless they have questionable bangs (I guess One Direction is proof that might be accurate).
This is an attempt to step toward a better tomorrow. But it also looks like she hired Kristen Stewart’s stylist, and said stylist sent over everything that made Kristen roll her eyes, laugh, or snort.
That is a travesty.
And this is dominating her. Although, anything on her body never would’ve stood a chance with that aggressive head-styling. Beyond the bangs, which have the effect of making me unclear what her actual face looks like, she seems to be using her hair as jewelry, which is super creepy from anyone who isn’t in a bizarre religious cult. And even then.