Fug Madness 2013, Round Two: Bjork Bracket, Part 1


As a refresher: The photos and links in each matchup are NOT the only outfits eligible; rather, they’re a representative sample of the body of work. Polls close after 24 hours, so if you like to research your choices — on our site, Getty Images, Google, whatever — have at it and just make sure you vote before the game ends. Enjoy.

(2) KATY PERRY vs. (7) LENA DUNHAM

To begin this epic battle between Often Campy And Overdone vs. Often Slouchy and Undone, please drink in this photograph, because we need to talk about the outfit — EASILY the worst thing Lena Dunham wore all year, to me (but it’s not in our subscription so we can’t reproduce the picture). Obviously there are tiny, tiny hot pants underneath Betty White’s blouse, but you have to look REALLY HARD to see them, and the whole effect of pantslessness has to be either deliberate, or oblivious. I’m sure Fug Nation has Thoughts on which is worse. After she wore it, Lena Dunham — who I generally think handles criticism very well — said that people wouldn’t have made fun of it if she were shaped differently, and I strenuously object to that view. That outfit is objectively heinous. We are allowed to find your clothes ugly without it having anything to do with your DNA (and for the record, I think Dunham is truly lovely). If Karolina Kurkova showed up wearing it, we would cringe just as hard. Even Betty White obviously dumped it in her giveaway bin. We already have a super  hip 91-year old, Lena; we don’t need you to be the voice of that generation also.

And this, while neither sleazy nor terrifying, doesn’t fit and feels disappointingly stuffy and matronly — better befitting someone sixty-two than twenty-six. It belongs on a reality show called The Notorious M.O.B., about moms who aggressively hit all the groomsmen at their daughter’s weddings. It would be on Bravo, and 72 percent of all people featured would have things in their face not found in nature.

Speaking of nature:

We are getting to see rather a lot of what nature put on her chest through that blouse. I can actually make out areola texture. 

This fits as well as boots on a grasshopper. My theory on Lena at times is that she is so tightly wired to flaunt people’s physical expectations of actresses that she self-sabotages at times, and decides that’s making a point, or that it’s a sign of not caring. But there’s casually not caring, and then there’s doing yourself a disservice by not fixing the freaking bodice on your party dress. It’s okay to want to look like the best version of yourself, and sometimes, the best version of yourself sets aside a little cash for a really good tailor, and/or takes a good Get A Grip Friend along on your shopping sprees.

That is a lot of dress, and a lot of Heidi hair. It actually fits her up top, but I’m underwhelmed by the ensuing tutu.

Does it change your opinion of this wretched jumpsuit to know what the back looks like?

And then there was her chocolate Golden Globes dress, which I actually liked, but a LOT of Fug Nation completely disagreed with me. And this:

This actually fits, and objectively I don’t mind it, but somehow it’s so SEVERE on her. She looks taller, sure, but she also looks broader than she is, in a way that creates an illusion that maybe her head shrank. I wanted to love it. I couldn’t. Like the Les Miserables movie, but that’s a whole other post.

Let’s move onto Katy Perry, shall we? Obviously, on-stage, we know she favors Lopezian twinkly nude bodystockings and Extraordinarily Subtle Wings of Metaphor and Bustiers by Ron Obvious.

Off-stage, her tastes don’t run much better. That purse should sue. Although perhaps, as we examined in some Round One posts, it’s possible Katy just caught a raging case of The Sheers. Here, she certainly doesn’t look like she’s feeling tip-top as she poses in effect without bottoms, she spent a good portion of Coachella under the influence of transparency, and this was a clear case of The Breakup Sheers (a less catching but still unpleasant strain).

This appears to have been The Sheers with associated high fevers, so that in the delirium the sufferer develops extremely fancy Xena: Warrior Princess delusions.

This is practically refreshing by comparison. Not a good sign.

And then there was this:

Here’s the thing: It’s not a good dress, Katy. It wasn’t worth the squeeze.

This was a hilarious use of assets. Not that I wouldn’t mind a piece of them for myself.

And then this was back to a toxic cocktail of terribleness. Oh, Katy. We know your split with Russell Brand was tough, but you didn’t have to give him ALL the mirrors in the divorce.

Archives: Katy Perry, Lena Dunham

(3) NICKI MINAJ vs. (6) LINDSAY LOHAN On the surface, other than occasionally having bad instincts about what to do with their hair, these two don’t seem to have that much in common. Lindsay spent much of the year slinking around airports looking like the head of Smokey the Bear’s arson-prevention biker gang, and lurking the Los Angeles streets in dark ensembles like this:

Same coat, but with thigh boots and a hat you’d find on an unsubtle P.I. She wore this to dinner with her lawyer. I feel like, as her lawyer, that is where you run away, stick her with the check, and change your phone number, because this client does not take you seriously. Conversely, Nicki likes psychedelic fringe and bras that look like the junk drawer in Martha Stewart’s secondary crafting table, and full get-ups that look like she was assaulted by a Harajuku toy store. She likes it bright, is what I’m saying.

Sometimes I wonder if we’ll find out, in a decade, that Pat Field was secretly styling her this whole time. But let’s see if we can find a common thread here — or threads, as it were. Behold, Lindsay in a suit:

Tight, slightly shrunken, like she showed up to court wearing something else and they had to hand her this from the emergency stash — the legal equivalent of restaurants that keep dinner jackets to zazz up their slouchier customers. Nicki in a suit:

Weirdly, the suit is the least of the problems. My issue is the hair, shoes, and makeup, and also how freaking BORED she looks. But at least it fits. Lindsay in fur:

She wore this to an amfAR party at Fashion Week, which she allegedly crashed. Did somebody tell her the party was on Hoth?

Speaking of Hoth:

They have the WEIRDEST buskers in the parks there. Next we have Lindsay in shorts:

Or “shorts,” because there is only maybe a quarter-inch of inseam here, and so little fabric that they might as well be denim panties.

I never thought I would look at those shorts and think, “What coverage!” Then again, the rest of her looks like watching a volcano erupt while on psychedelics.

Full, thick fade makeup, an outfit that’s impossible to sit down in, and completely impractical massive heels… yep, sounds like Coachella to me.

I HOPE Nicki Minaj wears this to coachella. She could sell each skirt tier to people who forgot blankets. Lindsay, in her red-carpet formalwear:

To me, this says, “No one will give us clothes and she’s spending all her money on attorneys.”

Yes, Nicki did wear some dresses this year, but let’s face it: On a red carpet, she prefers to look like a cross between Christina Aguilera and The Village People.

Or the production accountant from a touring performance of Cats.

Is it as bad as it could have been? No. Is it good? Dear lord, no. This was her big moment to scrub up and get taken seriously, and THAT is what she chose? Can she fire all her people and hire, like, the Elder Fannings?

Also:

I don’t really know how you wear satin like this — my suspicion: You just don’t — but I am seeing way more than I should here.

Then again: Ditto.

Archives: Nicki Minaj, Lindsay Lohan

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Comments (79):

  1. camille
    0

    I am actually kind of impressed that Lena Dunham is doing fairly well against Katy Perry. I thought Katy’s over-the-topness would drown out Lena’s general ill-fittery, but honestly I think wearing something unflattering for the body that you currently own is a worse fashion choice than dressing like a cartoon. I mean, Katy looks silly, but not depressing, and her ridiculous outfits DO generally fit her. Mostly.

  2. A.J.
    0

    Why no poll for Katy/Lena?

  3. Elizabeth Fallon
    0

    I have always thought the same thing about Lena Dunham’s self sabotaging. There have to be clothes out there that don’t make her look totally flat chested and dumpy but she intentionally chooses not to wear them.

  4. eandh
    0

    I can’t see a Dunham/Perry poll, just the Lohan/Minaj.

  5. Jessica
    0

    I couldn’t see the poll either until I refreshed, but now it is there. Keep trying!

  6. Caroline
    0

    Katy Perry’s clothes, while often crazy, fit and she generally looks like she’s having fun with them. Lena’s ‘blase’ approach just looks slovenly and unattractive. And for me, that overrules purple hair and Xenia Warrior Princess for fugliness.

    • Beth
      0

      My thoughts exactly. Katy always feels like she’s dressed up as a character, and I can’t really criticize that. Lena’s outfits always feel affected, and I hate that.

  7. Kristina
    0

    Man – I had to give it to Lena and Lindsey, mostly because it’s a matter of a significant amount of effort gone entirely awry, versus a great deal of effort that results in exactly what was desired.

    • PeggyOC
      0

      Well phrased. That’s exactly what swung it for me. Minaj & Perry bring the crazy, but it’s usually well fitting (if tight) crazy which is being done for effect and fun.

    • Rachel
      0

      Kristina, exactly! That’s how my vote process went as well.

    • pantsonfire
      0

      Yep! Ditto.

  8. Heather
    0

    The polls for both are fixed!

    • Michelle
      0

      You guys are doing a smashing job with this — glitches here and there are understandable. Lena Dunham FTW!!

  9. jen310
    0

    Okay, Nicki vs. LiLo was hard for me. Outrageous, look-at-me fug vs. tragic, sad, spiraling out of control and delusional fug. Both are truly heinous fug but I went with LiLo. I don’t like voting for someone who clearly needs deep psychological counseling (although she doesn’t think she does) but I went with her anyway. I can see her picking up every item of clothing she was photographed in from her hoarders pile of fug strewn throughout where ever she is living these days and being so proud of her entire look. And that thing on she is wearing on her head these days that she call hair – that is some frighteningly fug shit right there. Oh, Linds, I have for little hope for you future survival. Your fug wins.

    Lena easily wins. She needs to stops fighting the world’s notion of what beauty is and start dressing for and not against herself. Be the hipster goddess you truly want to be and not what people think you should be. DEFINE YOUR OWN DAMN SELF, GIRL.

  10. qwertygirl
    0

    Interesting that none of the tags on that blue dress was “ugly dress.” They seem to have hit every other description (short dress, mini dress, button down dress).

  11. Helen
    0

    I actually can’t even remember which way I decided between Dunham and Perry, it was so hard. They’re so completely different! Dunham is anti-style and Perry has way too much of it. Which is worse? I DON’T KNOW!

    But Lohan and Minaj was easy because Lohan is obviously wearing real fur in several photos. Minaj, I think wears fakes. Also, Nicki is purposely trying to look like that, whereas Lindsay’s outfits are unfortunate accidents occurring on the way to trying to look good.

    • Mary
      0

      Totally agree about the fur issue. I read somewhere that Nicki Minaj never wears real fur, and Lilo obviously doesn’t care.

      • Helen
        0

        Thanks, Mary. I was pretty sure, because several of Minaj’s furry get-ups are very clearly acrylic or whatever – they do things that natural fur of any kind just doesn’t – but it’s nice to have some confirmation.

        • pantsonfire
          0

          Oh, yay you for pointing this out! I remember that you also care about this. My vote for Lohan was made easier by this.

  12. Gabi
    0

    I have no poll for Lena/Katy either, sadly :(

    If I did, I would vote for Lena, though. This seems to be the bracket of the happy camp vs. depressing life choices (although for Lena, that would solely be in the clothes department, while the Linds has made “unfortunately life choices” extend far beyond just her clothes…)

  13. Neil
    0

    Caroline expressed my thoughts so well it’s like she’s inside my head reading my thoughts. Katy is hopelessly beautiful and almost always looks so. Lena is attractive as well, and almost never looks so.

  14. Kris
    0

    You know what would make a lot of Lena Dunham’s clothes look better? STANDING UP STRAIGHT FOR GOD’S SAKE.

  15. mary lou bethune
    0

    A visual artist will always get a pass from me. There is some wit to Katy Perry and to Nicki, both of whom are in control. Lena gets a pass , too , because she doesn’t care that much and she is brilliant and in control. Lindsay is so out of control, sad, scary looking that it’s almost cruel to include her. But as far as fug goes, she wins it all.

    • Stefanie
      0

      Control is a great point. Now that you voice it, that is totally what I chose on.

  16. Mary
    0

    Lilo wins for me . Nicki Minaj at least buys clothes that a) fit her and b) are interesting. I like her bright cheerfulness way more than Lilo’s sad satin dresses.
    I thought Katy and Lena was difficult, because the biggest issue I have with both of their wardrobes is the fit. Katy dresses in a way that looks painful for her boobs, and Lena doesn’t dress for her body at all. I went with Katy in the end because I do like Lena’s brown dress and the blue lacy one actually, and I hate hate hate Katy’s chartreuse dress with the diamond cutouts…ack!

  17. Stefanie
    0

    I went with Lena because she has the “power” now to get great things and she either doesnt or she decides she doesn’t care about fit. At least Katy’s fit.

    And Lindsay. All because of that satin number. I can’t get over how cheap and horrible it is. Plus, she thinks she looks good whereas Nikki knows and loves that she looks like Lisa Frank threw up on her.

  18. Eurydice
    +1

    I feel sure Nicki is Fab in her home dimension. Everything she wears is so carefully coordinated – that we can’t get it is just a sign of our cultural blindness. Lindsay, however, is just depressing – like she keeps all her clothes in a smelly festering heap on the floor and makes her wardrobe choices by rooting through the pile in the dark.

    • Eliza Bennett
      +1

      ” she keeps all her clothes in a smelly festering heap on the floor and makes her wardrobe choices by rooting through the pile in the dark.”

      I thought that was just me on laundry day…

  19. jen
    0

    As many times as I’ve seen that Lohan beige dress with the ruby tears, I hadn’t seen the back. The back did not make it better. The dress did not need more blood droplets.

    • Helen
      0

      The sad thing is, it would be wearable (with the droplets arranged outward, as intended!) on someone a little more mature, who is naturally flamboyant and in spectacular condition. Dita von Teese came to mind immediately the first time I saw it.

      But it’s all wrong on Lindsay. She looks best in things with a little structure, and that aren’t trying to be too sexy.

  20. Steph
    0

    Lilo vs. Minaj was tough, but for me it came down to the fact that some of the outfits Nicki Minaj wears are actual costumes meant for performance, therefore can get away with being slightly more left field.

    Still. Tough. Very tough bracket.

  21. Bella
    0

    It always comes back to true fug vs. costumes. Perry, Minaj, Gaga, etc. are wearing costumes. While truly gross and fugly, something tells me if they wanted to, they would dress beautifully. Lena, nah. Can’t do it.

  22. Jenny
    0

    “Lindsay spent much of the year slinking around airports looking like the head of Smokey the Bear’s arson-prevention biker gang…”
    I laughed way too long and way too hard at this sentence; thanks for brightening up my Monday!

  23. Brenna
    0

    I actually wish that first grey dress on Lena fit better in the middle, because the color looks FANTASTIC on her, and her hair and makeup look gorgeous. I just love her.

    Not that I want to kick someone when they’re down, but now that I’ve seen this, I can’t unsee it – on Lindsay’s jean shorts, that’s either a very unfortunate shadow at the crotch, or it’s wet.

  24. SKS
    0

    It doesn’t surprise me that Katy Perry and Lena Dunham are fairly close, because it’s like two schools of fug competing against each other. At time of this comment, votes for Lohan are 2-1 against Minaj, though, which surprises me. It’s kind of the same…scenario, I guess, but Lohan’s a lot more tragic, eh?

  25. Lynne
    0

    I absolutely love the expression from the journalists standing in front of LiLo. They’re smiling. Because they can’t believe she’s wearing that hideous satin number in public — because they can’t believe they’re standing in such close proximity to the biggest train wreck in the world. Bless.

  26. Melissa
    0

    See, I feel like Katy Perry and Nicki Minaj are dressing as characters always, always portraying the crazy pop stars they are. LiLo and Lena actually are trying to dress like normal people……and that’s why I have to vote for them.

  27. Valerie
    0

    I would argue that Perry still hasn’t figured out how to dress her boobs, she either smashes them into pancakes or lets them all hang out. They’re like the trailer trash version of Christina Hendrix’s boobs. And I’m totally over the dressed like 12 year old, with shrink wrapped outfits and candy colored hair. You’re 28, lady, get it together or get a stylist.

  28. Dana
    0

    Regular everyday fug trumps theatrical personality fug any day of the week. So Lena and Lindsay FTW.

  29. Lori
    0

    I clicked on that Lena Dunham link and said aloud, “Where are your pants?!?” I am at work. Thank God most people stayed home because of the snow.

  30. Sajorina
    0

    I hate both corn and asparagus and these matches were like asking me which one I hate more? I guess in this case Katy is the corn and Lindsay is the asparagus!

  31. Julie
    0

    So very hard but I had to go with Katy because Lena’s just starting out! Cut her a little bit of slack! Katy, on the other hand, is AGGRESSIVELY fug, and she’s practically begging for the vote. If a girl wants it that bad, I gotta give it to her.

  32. Edith
    0

    At least this batch of Katy Perry fug was chirpy fug; after the parade of depressing sheers in Round 1 I half expected people to tell you to stop featuring Katy, as she’s clearly depressed and unhinged….

    Speaking of which, I forgot, for a second, what was so very heinous about LIndsey’s black formal dress – and then I saw the hem seam. And the boob seam, but mostly the hem seam. And then she followed it up with that ivory atrocity with it’s blood tears. I don’t think anyone could look good in that dress – it’s obviously very thin material, the cut outs are gross and the crystals just look tacky – but at the very least she needed to go up a size. That is just WAY too tight.

  33. TonyG
    0

    Voted for Nicki and Katy.

    It’s time to stop giving these singers passes for what they wear on stage.

    It’s just outrageously bad…even for stage wear, especially Nicki.

    I guess I voted for whose clothing I most wanted to be seen put away…forever.

  34. Samara
    0

    Lena Dunham: “So girls whose dress size is a positive number have to wear bras and pants because of society, right?”

    Jerry Seinfeld: “Yes, Lena Dunham. Because of SOCIETY.”

  35. Sylvia
    0

    Those shorts LiLo, those shorts. Those are Sweet 16/Elite 8 shorts y’all. Lena because like Hendricks, her clothes are so ill-fitting. We have other people crazier than Katy this year.

  36. Bunny
    0

    In both Lena vs Katy and Nicki vs Lindsey, I have to vote in favor of the one who is NOT a pop star. If I was a fun musician and could dress crazy all the time because that’s what my fans expect, that sounds like it would be a lot of fun! Lena & Lindsey aren’t crazy pop stars so they just have no excuse for wearing terribly unflattering things.

  37. la di da
    0

    I though Lena ad my vote locked up based on that blue shirt alone, until I saw Katy in that yellow dress/boob cage. Hoo wee, my brain hurts! This was a tough bracket!

  38. Tiffany
    0

    These later rounds are soooooo hard! It is so hard to chose between such fuggery! If only they all could win? ;)

  39. Lucasta
    0

    I have the worst time with some of these matchups because of the internal Do I Vote For The Person I Think Dresses Batshit Crazy But Enjoy Looking At, Or The Person Who Dresses Terribly And I Don’t Want To See Any More? dilemma. I mean, Lena Dunham is like Zosia Mamet in that she dresses so (IMO) intentionally ugly that I find her really irritating to look at. I mean. I do think she, objectively, dresses more fug than Katy Perry. But I would WAY rather Katy Perry, who generally seems to be having FUN with her insane clothes, move on to another round so I don’t have to look at Lena Dunham anymore.

    Also that picture of Nicki Minaj in the blue and pink tiered dress is CREEPY AS SHIT SHE LOOKS LIKE A DOLL AUGHHH.

  40. Janie
    0

    I treasure Nicki Minaj and her outfits. She is fantastically crazy and bright–never depressing. She just makes me giggle. While Lady Gaga always seems to come at the crazy from the perspective of “art” or dark mystery in a way that is pretentious, I get the feeling Minaj is just f*ing with us. She is cartoons and cotton candy! I adore her brand of fuggery and I sincerely hope that there is a Nicki Minaj Barbie with troll tights and selection of pink cotton candy wigs!!!

  41. agcons
    0

    Dunham looks frowsy and unkempt, and she shouldn’t.

    Of course I voted for Darling Nicki, I couldn’t do otherwise. Besides, voting for Lohan would have made me feel like I was pointing and laughing at a bag lady.

  42. Betsy
    0

    I ran into the same issue with both of these. In context, both Nicki and Katie P. had on an outfit that, adding the context of their image, were kind of cute/cool. Neither of these looks would have been OK on anyone else.

    I also think Lena Dunham tries too hard with her “I know I’m not the ideal but I made it!” schtick. Someone needs to tell her that it’s OK to stick to things that are classic, tailored to her body type, fit well, and are a color her skin can handle.

  43. CranAppleSnapple
    0

    Lena just makes me depressed. Katy is weird but always outrageous and striking, like a cartoon of herself as a superhero. In this instance I let gross fug take the wheel. May be I feel like punishing the ill-fitting boob receptacles.

  44. Anne B
    0

    Fug Girls, your LiLo v. Minaj photos are masterful: element by element, example A, example B.

    I thrill to the Fug of Minaj. Year after year, it all seems so intentional, and she always seems to be having so much fun with it. She is a joy to watch, as is her Fug.

    But not even Minaj can beat the tone-deaf, neurotic, junkie Fug of LiLo. Here’s a woman who always needs to be looked at, yet she never, ever looks even close to good. She can’t possibly be high so often that she never knows how bad she looks. There’s intention here too, and that intention seems to be “the tighter it is, the more they’ll look.”

    That’s Fug. :(

  45. Damian
    0

    It fills me with so much pride that Lena is taking out Katy. As fug as Katy’s attire has been this year, this was a dull year compared to some of the hideous attires we’ve seen in other years.

    I have Minaj going forward in my bracket, but I’m totally glad that Lohan is winning. I generally have goodwill for those who give me more horrible music to listen to (Rumors has the best dance break), but that satin dress and her appalling portrayal of Elizabeth Taylor ruined that in my eyes.

  46. Bambi Anne Dear
    0

    Katy Perry wears some pretty ghastly combinations but really, they are so much more flattering than Lena Dunham’s dull and dreary looks combined with her general slouch and dumpiness.

    I was surprised to see that LL’s arse is so saggy. Minaj has the booty to match Serena Williams’. Almost.

  47. jean
    0

    I went for Nicki because Lohan is too depressing and Katy because I’m tired of thinking about Lena. Lena needs to talk to Tina Fey. Yes, you can be edgy and feminist and funny and still be presentable. And her blue dress proves she knows how to do it. I love that blue dress. I covet that blue dress.

  48. M
    0

    Damn, I really dislike LiLo but this whole round made me feel bad about her. Not FOR her, don’t get me wrong, I firmly believe she needs legal discipline and punishment for her antics but you can really tell she’s super broke. Her clothes suck. They’re worse than department store finds. They’re like discount store clothes, the kind mall hoochies and prostitutes wear…

    So I voted for Minaj b/c I think her obnoxious behavior is so exh

  49. M
    0

    austing.

    Voted for Lena for the same reason. Sloppiness is no way to excuse your body. Take it from a curvy chick.

  50. M
    0

    Ugh, computer is wigging out, pissing me off. Disregard my comments on this bracket GRRRR

  51. Kyasarin
    0

    I will always vote against Lohan in these things because she depresses me. Fug Madness should be fun.

  52. fritanga
    0

    Dunham works hard at being unattractive and poorly dressed, almost as if it’s a point of honor or something. We get it, Lena – you don’t care what people say about your looks, you’re an ARTIST and dressing like a sofa/old lady/crazy person is your god given right as a woman and an ARTIST. And so on. But it couldn’t have anything to do with you terrible taste, could it?

    At least Perry sometimes looks as if she’s having fun, granny panties and all.

  53. Guerra
    0

    Wow Lena is one of the worst dressed people that I have ever seen!! She has no idea how to flatter her figure at all! She could put a little effort!

  54. Lily1214
    0

    Lena looks pretty good; for some reason she does NOT look like MOB.

  55. Shanny
    0

    I don’t even believe what I’m about to say, but I don’t hate Lena’s black and white jumpsuit. It’s definitely the least offensive thing she’s wearing here. How anyone could like the Golden Globes look I cannot imagine!

  56. SPJava
    0

    I can’t see how you get more whacking FUG than Katy and Nicki not to mention plain ugly and eye-assaulting; so I’m surprised where the vote stands as of now. I’m guessing that for a lot of people Katy and Nicki are wearing costumes off stage even if they’re really not or don’t mean to have them considered as such but it does give them the benefit of the doubt. Whereas with Lena and Lindsay these are what they consider or someone has convinced them as dress up and/or fashionable outfits.