Is splitting your seams the new thing now?
This seriously looks like someone sewed a sheath to her as tightly as possible and then told her to do jumping jacks, and wherever it tore, that was the design. What a waste of a great color and good head-styling. And also of perfectly good jumping jacks.
[Photo: Getty]
I checked in a close-up, and this is not see-through; it’s just backed by lace that’s the same color as her legs. I THINK. Let’s just go with that, because it’s easier on my wrinkles.
So where does that leave us: A cute, fun, frothy red frock, or a fancy-dress orthopedic back brace? I was going to say, “or both,” but really, that only applies if you NEED a fancy-dress orthopedic back brace. And if she does, and she is also REALLY TRULY dating Justin Bieber again, then well, imagining WHY she might need a fancy-dress orthopedic back brace just blew my head off my neck and left my noggin stuck up in a tree and not even facing the right way to peek in on any of my neighbors. WOE, THE INJUSTICE.
Loading ...[Photo: Getty]
Time to give some props to Selena Gomez, you guys:
a) She hasn’t gotten back together with Justin Bieber yet, and I’m beginning to think she is actually done with him.
2) She was really quite charming and sympathetic in Monte Carlo, a movie I strong suggest you watch next time you’re sick.
!) Her Vanessa Hudgens costume, although a bit early for either Halloween or Fug Madness, is on point.
[Photo: Fame-Flynet]
I’m not always entirely sure what InStyle’s deal is anymore.
Every time I picked it up, which admittedly was last a very long time ago, it was definitely a magazine for Ladies Of A Certain Age Who Have Lots Of Disposable Income, and then beyond that, Oglers Of Whatever Age Who Wish They Had More Disposable Income (yo!). Kind of like Marie Claire or Allure or Elle (Marie Alle) for rich ladies who don’t care if the person on the cover has a strangely blank stare. So I can’t figure out why Selena Gomez makes a lick of sense on this publication’s cover. She’s trying to grow up, sure, but she’s not there yet — and as long as she keeps being linked to Justin Bieber, her adulthood is going to be a hard sell — and so I can’t imagine she tracks too well with the target demographic.
Beyond that, she has succumbed to InStyle‘s recent rut of looking frozen and stiff even though they clearly shoved a wind machine in her face to try and give this some spunk. (Instead, she just looks like she’s fighting to keep her eyes open because there is a freaking wind machine in her face.) She’s clad in the Stella McCartney jumpsuit we last saw on pneumonia-riddled Jennifer Lawrence during awards season, also, which… it’s not the worst thing ever, but it’s not really HER, either. Selena Gomez is just much cuter than this, and also much more LIVELY, and since I can’t imagine InStyle‘s core reader really cares that much about her input on falling in love again or breakup songs or fashion advice, the whole thing comes off like a doomed experiment.
That’s right, Selena, put up your hand and put a stop to this. We can’t go down the Donna Martin-style “cropped shirt and pants with hanging suspenders” road again.
In other words, it’s 9021-no. ZING. Friday afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!
[Photo: Pacific Coast News]
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Come and Fug It
In case you were wondering if Selena Gomez and The Biebs were back together or not:
She is wearing his pants.
[Photo: Splash]
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