Fugger: Miley Cyrus

Fug or Fab the Cover: Miley Cyrus on Elle, October 2016

Normally, I might take a page from The Big Book of Janice Dickinson and lament whether this hunchy pose is actually the best idea.

Miley Cyrus on Elle, Oct 2016

But the thing is, it might BE the best idea. We’ve all seen covers of Miley glaring down her nose at the camera, or sticking out her tongue, or jutting out her chin with flashing and defiant eyes. This one is soft, and vulnerable, and minimalist, playing very well with the notion that the cover story might be more raw and real and heartfelt than some of her blustery ones of the past. Best of all, it is designed to emphasize those glorious eyes. My gaze goes directly there and is hard-pressed to leave. Not even for a story about why I need a new co…. wait a minute, I am now staring at that line about needing a new coat. I DO need a new coat. Right? I mean, EVENTUALLY it will get cold in Los Angeles, a bit, and then I’ll be so glad I did it, right? Obviously. Thank you, Elle, for being my enabler today. My family regrets this but I NEVER WILL. And now, back to my regularly scheduled gawking at Miley’s baby blues.

The cover story is not quite as revolutionary as all that – it ends up being a bit more of the same, honestly – though I do think there are some nice pieces that point to her genuinely caring about what she does, be it charity work or in this case The Voice:

If I’m here, I’m going to do it for real. I’m not acting; I’m not playing me. People forget that their actions make them who they are. So many people say, “I’m a good person!” Like, why are you a good person? To be a good person you have to actively be good. I try to show that how I treat these contestants makes me who I am as a human.

But I thought this part, about her disinterest in Mariah Carey, was more interesting:

I’ve never really been a fan, because it’s so much about Mariah Carey. That’s part of her shtick; I can see through that. That’s part of what makes her a gay icon; like, it’s about Mimi! It’s about what she’s wearing, and it’s about her. What I make isn’t about me. It’s about sharing my story; it’s about someone being connected to what I’m saying.

That is a tad rich coming from Miley Cyrus, who has recently spent many years embedded in shtick. Basically everything she’s worn, the obsessive discussion of her weed habits, the stuck-out tongue obsession… that is absolutely categorizable as being about what she’s wearing, or about her, or yes, shtick. I believe — and correct me if I’m wrong — that even MILEY has more or less said that she did a lot of that stuff as a gag or a gimmick because she was operating on another plane from the rest of us and being super profound. Perhaps she’d argue that it was all just authentically who she was in the moment, but then, couldn’t one make that same argument about Mariah? Maybe THAT is who she really is, and her idea of sharing her story. So as usual, there are bits of nice self-reflection, and then bits that point to lingering self-delusion as well. But she’s pretty articulate, and in truth, I would rather read one of her interviews than, say, a cover piece promoting another celebrity lifestyle book. So that’s something.

[Photo: Elle]


Fug or Funny: Miley Cyrus

Miley told Elle that she’s not going to walk the red carpet anymore, and she technically didn’t walk a red carpet at this event — wherein she performed with Billy Idol while dressed like the world’s biggest Billy Idol fan — but she still posed for photos, to which I say THANK GOD. She really just makes me laugh. You cannot say she doesn’t commit to a theme.

[Photos: Getty Images]


WTF: Miley Cyrus in Concert

Please believe me when I tell you this is not safe for work. I am not joking. She gets naked. (I didn’t even notice HOW naked until I was really into this, but…naked.)

[Photos: Getty]


Recent Fugs and Fabs: Winter Coats

It’s COAT PORN SEASON, everyone.

[Photos: Fame/Flynet]


Fug or Fab: Miley Cyrus

Two days in a row, and I’ve provisionally signed off on BOTH of Miley’s outfits, which I can only imagine is a tremendous relief to her.  First, however, I must say that I do not understnad what she is going with her hair:

"A Very Murray Christmas" New York Premiere

Her FACE looks great, and I dig all the detailing on her dress, but those Princess Leia-adjacent buns make her look like she went extra crazy in the notions section at Michael’s. (It’s happened to the best of us.) Lord knows, I am a fervent Fake Hair Supporter, but if you told me she glued those perky little buns onto her head herself after a couple of hours watching Lifetime Movie Network, I would believe it instantly.

As for the rest of it:

"A Very Murray Christmas" New York Premiere

I hate the socks, but that dress is like Futuristic Snowflake Magic, and I am here for it.

[Photos: Getty]


Fugz: Miley Cyrus

I’ve had SO MANY THEORIES about what this ensemble is made of, all of them born when I saw this photo all tiny, in thumbnail form. Said theories included “pink sandpaper,” “Rock Star gel nails, except painted all over her body,” and “velour.” (Oh, Miley Cyrus would wear a Juicy sweatsuit on the red carpet, of this I have no doubt. And I fervently hope she does so, in 2016. Keep hope alive!)


All that said, there’s still something about this that feels slightly Dolly Parton-approved (Dolly is, after all, Miley’s godmother), and that means there is a tiny, squashy part of my soul that secretly likes it. Don’t tell.

[Photo: Getty]


WTF: Miley Cyrus in Ulyana Sergeenko

So, Ulyana Sergeenko is at least a real designer (even if she’s one I don’t respond well to very often), as opposed to, say, a cartoon of one, like Jeremy Scott is to me. But this was custom, so I assume that means it has Miley’s sticky fingerprints all over it:

miley cyrus

And obviously, it’s heinous. She looks like a genie whose eternal prison is a Rose Parade float. But there’s also no way she doesn’t KNOW that — you could argue Kim Kardashian might not be as self-aware as we hope she is, but Miley FOR SURE is the type of person who understands the insanity of what she’s doing. Sure, she might then wank that it’s SO deranged that it’s awesome and subversive, and she might be wrong about that a lot of the time, but to me there is no question that we all have a base level of agreement that this outfit isn’t attractive. (Ulyana Sergeenko may want to stab the wall, though.) Now, Gaga has worn some heinous and crazy things in her time, but somehow even at her worst — even in a meat dress — she reached a level that always feels just outside Miley’s grasp. Why is that? Is it because Gaga came first, so we’ve seen this sort of stuff before and everything now seems wanly imitative? Or is it because Gaga’s stuff was more committed, somehow? Or is it that Gaga at least poked at some kind of artistic statement, whereas Miley’s comes off more like she is poking us all in the eye? I don’t know. There is something about the sheer magnitude of her “I Have Zero F*cks To Give” aura that I applaud, because it’s hard to be in your twenties in showbiz and care so little, but then… I also don’t know if I BELIEVE she cares that little. It’s the same logic as when a celebrity doesn’t want to be noticed, so they wear a giant hat and sunglasses, thus ensuring they will be noticed. If Miley truly gives no f*cks, why is she working so hard to make sure we’re looking? So I circle back to: It’s all very well and good to be a human My Little Pony when you’re young, but this is the Fun Police speaking, and it’s time to change it up before she becomes only a caricature of a person. And honestly, that day may have already arrived.

As an aside, that wig makes her look both like a poser and a Battlefield Earth super fan, and I wish she would stop wearing it.

[Photo: Getty]