Fugger: Lindsay Lohan

Fug the Show: Lindsay Lohan on “Watch What Happens Live”


Lindsay comes to an end on OWN this Sunday night with a two-hour finale that might liquefy whatever is left inside my skull. To promote it, she went on Bravo’s Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, except apparently the “live” part was not entirely accurate, and said a lot of the types of things one says when one has done a reality show and the resulting portrayal of one’s personality is less than rewarding. Oh, and she also wore a crown:

AND A BRA. In fact, Andy Cohen asked her why she never wears one, and she shrugged that she thinks they’re uncomfortable, and then gestured to her demonstrably present black bra. I REALLY wish I trusted that she wore this outfit specifically as a nod to the Internet criticism she’s received for all that, but I don’t have a read on her self-awareness yet. She pointed it out almost like an afterthought, so if it was meticulously chosen, she forgot that awfully fast. Seriously, if I were on TV in that outfit — or at the grocery store in that outfit, or in my own home in that outfit — I would NEVER be able to forget it. In a bad way.

I MEAN. She looks like the No. 6 skater from one of those small nations that only ever sends, like, half of one figure skater to the Olympics. She’s totally auditioning for Reign, right? Anytime I see someone dressed as Coachella Attendee With Royal Aspirations, I think of that show.

She also does her Real Housewives style walk-with-motto, which she delivers as, “I’m done with mug shots and I’m ready for an Oscar.” She does at least laugh at this, thank God, but later she ALSO tells Andy that former Housewife Jill Zarin, who was fired in 2011, has a message for him — which is that Jill and Dina Lohan should do Real Housewives of New York together and bring up the ratings (their words). I KNEW IT. I KNEW Dina would have her eye on that prize. And that she would somehow try to wrangle Lindsay into giving people the idea. GROSS. STOP IT. To his credit, Andy looks and sounds terrified by that idea and only barely manages to cover it.

#SaveMatt was also present:

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Better Played, Lindsay Lohan


We’re getting there.

I’m not sure I’m really CHEERING for her as much as I used to — it’s been too long since Mean Girls for me to sustain that level of investment in her as an actor, and I don’t know where she’s going to get the chance for another clear-eyed, funny performance like that one — but as a member of the human race, and someone who unsecretly also loves her in Freaky Friday, I’m happy that she looks clean and titian-haired and healthy and that her mini-dress is cute and flattering, and that she has not fallen over and broken an ankle in her platform-stiletto-bootie-socks. I mean, this has got to be the nicest and least-blurry she’s looked in a while, right? It’s good. Maybe I AM cheering for her, or at least rooting gently in place of the football teams I love that are no longer doing anything. She should get back to me after hockey season ends, when I am also more emotionally available.

[Photo: Fame/Flynet]

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Fugly: Fully Fugged


I laughed out loud when I saw the headline on this photo — which dates from last week, but I am tireless in my need to bring you shots of starlets making bad wardrobe choices:

“Exclusive!” it read. “Lindsay Lohan shops without pants!” And I thought, “yeah, yeah. Alert me when she goes out in pants. Then you’ll have a news story. One I, for one, cannot wait to read.”

[Photo: INF]

 

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Fugly, Fully Loaded


Okay, this isn’t that terrible, except for one point:

SHE’S SERIOUSLY BEEN WEARING LEGGINGS FOR LIKE SIX STRAIGHT YEARS NOW. Look at her archives, look at her choices!

Lindsay. Somewhere deep down in the bottom of my dark, grinchy heart, I still want you to succeed. And so here is some advice — free! From me to you. You’re filming a reality show for OWN. Have someone (not your mom) call Oprah and ask for a pants allowance, okay? How can you break free of the drama of the past half-decade (the car-jacking! The DUIs! The fleeing the country! The pretending you lost your passport! The…everything else!) if you CAN’T BREAK FREE OF THE LEGGINGS.

Happy holidays, dollface.

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Fugs and Fabs of (Another) Jingle Ball


THE RETURN OF LOHAN. (Plus Katie Holmes, Anna Kendrick, and Miley. It’s a weird melange this morning. Brace yourselves.)

[Photos: Getty]

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Could Be Worse, Lindsay Lohan


I actually don’t think this is THAT terrible. Will I ever stop secretly rooting for Lilo to Get A Grip?

[Photos: Getty]

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